Page 86 of Drilled (Dad Bod Contracting 2)
I have to swallow hard against the onslaught of emotions I feel, a bizarre and overwhelming welter of things: comfort, fear, doubt, need, security, insecurity, arousal, exhaustion.
I blink and swallow, but the bite of emotion in my throat is too hot and thick and too insistent. I find tears in my eyes, inexplicable and stupid.
“Franco, I—” My voice is thick. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this. I just feel overwhelmed…in a good way.”
His voice is so close, low and quiet. “Audra, don’t apologize. Feel what you feel. Let yourself feel it. Let it out, all of it, whatever it is.”
“I’m not usually emotional like this—” I shake my head, tears trickling. “I feel silly.”
His hold on me tightens. “I know. Me too.”
“Really?”
He nods, grunting an affirmative noise. “I feel…fuck. Overwhelmed. Confused by…by how comforting it is to just…be here. Like this. With you.”
Tears fall and I can’t stop them. “It’s like…” I untangle my fingers from his and wipe at my face, tasting salt. “Like I’m coming to a home I never had, and never knew I was missing, and now that I’m home, I’m missing it for all the years I never had it.”
“Exactly.”
I cry, and he doesn’t make me feel stupid or weak. I feel the emotion in him, and though he’s not crying, I can tell he’s just affected. I don’t even have to look at his face—I just…feel it radiating from him in palpable waves.
“What made you come here?” I ask, eventually. “Because the last thing that happened at your house…you asked about a now-what, and I lied. And I thought that was it…it was over.”
“I knew you were lying. I knew then that you were lying, and that I was a coward for letting you get away with it, for letting you go.”
“We both knew, then,” I admit.
“But we were both too fucking scared.” He sighs. “So what happened? I was a miserable jackass, and impossible to work with, and a pain in the ass to be around. Eventually, James all but kicked my door in, poured about six shots of Buffalo Trace down my throat, and then flat out asked me what the fuck was wrong with me.”
I laugh. “I’d hate to be on the receiving end of scary James.”
Franco snickers. “You don’t have the slightest clue. I don’t scare easily, and I’ve known James almost as long as Jesse has, but when he gets riled up like that, I don’t care who you are, you get scared.”
“So what’d you say?”
He sighs. “I asked him what he was talking about. Lame, I know. That really got him going and he threatened to knock my block off if I didn’t quit pussyfooting around and man up. So, I asked for clarification.” A pause. “He told me, and I quote, ‘that woman is stupid in love with you, and if you don’t grow a pair of balls and tell her you feel the same way, you’re the dumbest dumbshit that’s ever walked the earth.’”
“Wow, wasn’t holding back, was he?” I say, laughing.
“Not at all, no. But he wasn’t finished. He asked what my problem was, and if I didn’t tell him the goddamn truth the first time, he’d beat the truth out of me.”
“Do you think he would have?”
Franco shrugs. “Would you be willing to find out?”
I shake my head, eyes wide. “Hell no.”
“Exactly. So I told him flat out that I was scared of getting hurt, and that what Maria did had fucked me up, leaving me scarred and untrusting. I told him I didn’t know how to tell you what I was feeling, or if I was even capable of it.”
I re-twine our hands. “What’d he say?”
“He didn’t say anything for a long time.” Franco’s voice drops to almost a whisper. “I’ll never forget what he finally said.” A long, long pause. “‘Franco,” he said, ‘I had a once-in-a-lifetime love. Renée was my everything. The only woman I’ve ever loved. I’ve never, ever touched another woman. She was my first kiss and my last, my first fuck and my last. And I lost her. I watched her die.’”
“Jesus,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” Franco murmurs. “He wasn’t done, though. He said, ‘and you want to know something? I wouldn’t trade a single second of it for the world.’”
“Incredible. I guess that’s the definition of true love.”
Franco was silent a moment. “James said he held her hand as she died, and that Renée knew she was dying, and…nobody could stop it. It happened so fast, you know? The hospital staff tried to keep him from the OR, but he knew something was going wrong and he bulldozed his way in to see her. He grabbed her hand, and she looked up at him, and she told him…her last breath, her last words were to promise her he wouldn’t be alone forever.”
