Page 81 of Hammered (Dad Bod Contracting 1)
When he’s finally finished, I take a few more moments to savor him, the taste of him, the feel of him in my mouth, softening now, and then he’s pulling away and sinking to his knees with me.
I wipe at my lips with my wrist, grinning at him. “Hi,” I murmur. “So, do you believe that I still want more with you, now?”
He laughs. “God, Imogen. You’re ridiculous. I hope you understand I didn’t need you to do that to know you want more.”
“It was partially just because I’ve never done anything like that and wanted to surprise you. And myself.”
“Well…I’m surprised,” he says, righting his jeans. He eyes the food on the counter. “So. Burgers and beer?”
I smirk at him, licking my lips. “I think just had lunch, actually.”
He laughs. “Gotta wash it down, then.”
We sit on the marble floor and—after we both wash our hands—we dig into the food I brought, washing it all down with beer. And, like with Audra, once we both eat, Jesse sits back and eyes me, clearly about to say something heavy.
“The story isn’t entirely mine to tell, so I’ll only tell my side of it.” He cracks another beer. “I was with a girl for five years. We were…pretty serious.” He’s clearly struggling with what and how much to say. “I told you James is my brother-in-law, right?”
I nod. “Yeah…” I frown. “But I’ve never heard anything about his wife, who would be your sister, right? He also doesn’t wear a ring.”
Jesse nods, head hanging. “Um. So I was super into this girl. Love and all that, right? And James was married to my sister, so my best friend was married to my older sister, which was weird at first, but if anyone could have been good enough for her, it was James. And things for them were great, you know? He was head over heels for her. Had been our whole lives, honestly. Just…gaga for her.”
I smile. “That sounds sweet.”
He nods, not smiling. “Well, um. Renée, my sister—she—ah…she passed away. She died.” He blinks hard, and my heart squeezes, because this is still very obviously painful to talk about. “And James, he—he lost it. It just…my best buddy since third grade, man, he just…” Jesse shakes his head. “It was bad.”
“God, Jesse, I’m so, so sorry.”
He just nods. “Yeah, well…um. I saw what it did to James when his wife died, you know? And I’d been thinking of proposing, you know? She’d been hinting, and I’d been planning. Had a ring picked. But then Renée died and James went haywire, and…I guess I panicked. I broke up with her instead. Like, why would I put myself at risk for that same kind of heartbreak? You never know what’ll happen in life, who’ll die and leave you broken. Why bother? It was fear, grief, all that. It was stupid—I was stupid. She was amazing, and I—” He glances at me apologetically. “Sorry, I guess this isn’t what you probably want to hear after…”
I take his hand. “Jesse, no, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, but I understand. This is your story, and I want to hear it.”
He sighs. “By the time I realized I’d fucked up, she was long gone. Left Chicago, met another guy, moved on. I talked to her a long while later, and she said she was still messed up over the way I broke it off, but that she’d made peace and forgiven me. And I just…after that, I couldn’t bring myself to even go near that kind of thing again. I’d hurt one girl already, and myself, and—it’s taken James so long to heal, and he’s still not totally okay, if he ever will be, and so…yeah, I keep things…shallow, I guess.”
I hang my head. “And I don’t know what I want, to be honest,” I say. “I mean, I just got out of a marriage that really messed me up, so I’m not really looking to jump back into that, but…” I exhale sharply, tasting him on my breath. “It wasn’t good, my relationship with Nicholas. It was never good. And this thing with you and me…it’s already—I want to say better, but that implies Nicholas was something even decent, and he really wasn’t. I put everything I could into him, into us, trying to make it work, trying to convince myself it was working, but I was never anything but lonely.” I look at him, locking eyes with him. “And with you…I’m not lonely. I’m feeling things I didn’t know were possible. And then you go and show me how sex can really be, and that just scares the shit out of me, because…god, I was missing out on that this whole time? Where were you, twelve years ago? But am I looking to jump into something huge, with rings and declarations of love and all that? I don’t—I don’t think so. But Jesse, I do want more than just no-strings sex.”
