Page 57 of A Vow to Set the Virgin Free

The din of the restaurant was a foreign sort of thing to her, and she kept checking with Cameron to see if he was affected by it, but it was as if he was protected by a granite wall. But it closed her out too, and she didn’t like it.

He ordered their food. Croque monsieur and a croissant with an egg in the middle. Crepes honey and lemon.

There were baguettes, and other glorious breads. And very strong coffee.

He did not ask her preferences, but there was no need. He’d provided everything.

“Thank you,” she said, softly.

“Are you angry with me, or are you happy with me? Make up your mind.” And it was like the wall had dropped, his annoyance a way in she was happy to take.

“I’m everything,” she said. “All at once. I am so gloriously grateful for this experience. That you’re the one who found me. And yet you aggravate me.”

“Tell me. More about you.”

“There’s nothing to say,” she said. “Do you want to hear how my father barely spoke two words to me? And how I didn’t know that could be considered strange? Do you want to hear about how my mother needed me for emotional support at all times, but didn’t know how to offer any in return? People think that I am soft and cosseted because I have never had to do any work. Because when it comes to my physical safety and comfort, that was always managed, cared for. What no one realizes, is how I had to fortify myself. And when I look back on that time, it is like a hollow, dark pit. Because it was never for me. I was a shrine to Naya, not a human being. And I can never go back. I can’t. I have been more alive, more real in these last weeks than ever before. And I know that I was your prisoner. But it wasn’t the same. I was still able to be more myself. I am still now able to be more myself. So yes. I do find you maddening. Utterly.” She laughed. “But I also find you compelling. I find you... I want to help you. I want to...”

“You can’t. You know the piece of metal that you saw in the north tower.”

“Yes,” she said, remembering clearly that large, twisted piece, which he had had under glass.

“That was in my leg. My right leg. That I can walk as well as I can is something of a miracle. That it missed my artery is another miracle altogether.”

“Cameron...”

“I have been given an inordinate amount of miracles. I have done nothing to deserve them. Not ever.”

“Shouldn’t you do something to pay them back, then?”

“I don’t know what that would be.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re here. Because you’re trying to figure that out. Maybe it will start with Apollo. Your friendship. But it can’t... You lived. Your life cannot stay so small.”

“Most people would never tell me what to do in the manner that you are.”

“Most people haven’t lived a life like me. I’ve never had the opportunity to do anything.” She sat there for a moment, and suddenly she felt guilty. She was passing judgment on him. Without really being fair. He had felt as trapped in his life as she did in hers.

The accident had been the thing that he felt had taken away his choice. She had no right to act as if he was simply lightly choosing to stay in isolation. He had not thrown away his freedom, it felt every bit as ripped from him as hers had from her.

“I’m sorry. I have been hideously insensitive.”

He laughed. He really laughed. And there was a smile that accompanied it. They drew stairs in the café, and she found herself grinning even though she didn’t really know what he was laughing at, and she had a feeling the laughter was somewhat unkind.

“Do you think I care if you been unfair to me?”

“I am the only friend that you’ve made in the last decade.”

“You are not my friend, little goddess.”

“Yes, I am. We talk every day. We have for weeks. You have shared your food with me. We are now out to dinner together. You bought me a very nice gift.”

“If you mean the ring, that was Apollo.”

“Fine. But even so, we are friends, you ridiculous beast.”

“I do not have friends. Except Apollo.”

“Why is that so important to you?”

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