Page 86 of Dirty Little Midlife (fake) Date

“Now,” my mother announces. “Who’s going to tell me the truth about this Desmond fellow? Bailey wouldn’t stop talking about him last night!”

“He is adear,” Margaret exclaims, putting a hand to her chest. “He dotes on his grandparents like you wouldn’t believe. Orphaned at eleven, worked his way up his company, then dropped everything to come take care of Arthur and Maude. Just an absolute gem of a man.”

“Well,” my mother exclaims, giving my father a sneaking glance. “How wonderful! Don’t you think, Earl?” She turns to Dorothy. “Do you agree?”

“One hundred percent,” Dorothy says with a decisive nod. “And he’s easy on the eyes too.”

“Well!” My mother lets out a happy little squeak and stares at me, nodding encouragingly. “Bailey sure did sing his praises. When does he get back from Colorado? What did you say he was doing there again?”

Hah. Nice try, Mom.

Before I can answer with something suitably distracting to get her off the scent of my pitiful love life, Colin breezes through the door.

My father’s bushy eyebrows draw down over his eyes. He straightens in his chair, angling his body almost as if to shield me. Colin spots us all at our table and changes his trajectory. When my mother spots him, she lets out a surprised and slightly horrified gasp but recovers quickly.

“Colin! What a lovely surprise!” She stands up, shooting me a questioning glance before turning to give him a kiss on each cheek. “Mia told us you were in town.”

“Here to stay,” he answers proudly.

“That’s a surprise,” my father mumbles.

Colin extends a hand to my father, and they shake. I grab the bagel and stuff it in my mouth so I don’t have to talk to anyone or do anything specific with my expression. I endure my mother’s polite conversation until Colin begs off to get back to work.

Sighing, I lean back in my chair, exhausted. My life as a barbershop hermit was much easier than this.

“I always liked him,” my mother says wistfully. “So charming. It’s a shame about him being such a cowardly turd.”

Coffee singes my nostrils as I explode into a laugh at the worst possible time. My father pats my back and says, “There, there,” while my mother jumps up to find some napkins. I splutter, coffee streaming out of orifices that it definitely shouldn’t, and finally dissolve into laughter.

Margaret dabs at my face with a scratchy napkin and winks at me. Dad tosses the coffee-covered bagel remnants and orders me a brownie. My mother’s eyes glimmer.

Maybe my parents aren’t so bad, after all.

The next day,I’m at Four Cups waiting for my coffee to be prepared when Maude and Arthur walk in. Fiona gives me an opaque glance. She knows as much as I do about why Des left and how long he’ll be away. Believe me—I asked. The gossip network is seriously coming up short on this one.

At the end of my rope, I texted Desmond last night, but our conversation was short and stilted. When I asked him what he was doing, he wrote,Taking care of a few things. I should be back in Heart’s Cove within a week or so, like that was an actual answer. I didn’t respond, and that was the end of it. I reread the texts a dozen times, trying to divine some hidden meaning, to see if he was still giving me space or if he was just sick of my mercurial moods.

Maybe I’m meant to be alone.

“Mia!” Maude comes shuffling toward me, one hand on Arthur’s elbow. She deposits him at a nearby table and turns to face me, beaming. “You look beautiful, my dear. Have you heard from Desmond today?”

I frown. “Um, no, Maude. I’ve barely heard from him since he left town.”

“Well, isn’t that strange?” She clicks her tongue. “He must be busy, what with everything he has to do.”

I exchange a glance with Fiona, then say, “What is it, exactly, that he has to do?”

“He didn’t tell you?” She seems surprised.

I shake my head.

Maude beams at me, clutching her heart. “Well, I can’t ruin the surprise.” She pats my cheek, then goes to order at the counter.

Frowning at Fiona, I lower my voice. “A surprise?”

Fiona shrugs. “Maybe Des is planning something for you.”

“Fiona, Des and I aren’t even dating for real. This was all based on a fake date. He paid me to go to Thanksgiving, remember?”

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