Page 83 of The Only One

I took a deep breath and shoved my hands into his pockets. I caught Cindy staring at my forearms for a split second before looking away.

“Cindy, I sent that text because… I don’t deserve someone like you,” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not me, it’s you?”

“No. God, Cindy… Fuck.” I ran my hands through his hair. “That day wastheday. The fourteenth.”

“Yes.”

“And the next day was the fifteenth.”

“And the day after that is the sixteenth,” she continued. “And then comes the seventeenth…”

“The fifteenth is the anniversary of the miscarriage,” I said. “Emmeline calls around this time every year. It’s the only time we ever speak. And I’m usually ready for it. You know, listening to her cry and going through all that all over again. But this year, I forgot. Because I was happy and something distracted me. Then she called and…”

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Luke,” Cindy said. “I was being pissy and you were really going through something. I had no idea.”

“I’ve never told anyone this, but it’s the truth. There’s a reason why I don’t deserve good shit in life.”

I couldn’t look at Cindy while I said this next part.

“I didn’t want to be a dad. Like, when Em told me she was pregnant, I kept hoping she was making it up or it was a false positive or something. But then her belly started growing and…”

I bit my bottom lip and stared down at my feet like they would give me the strength to keep talking. “It’s not like I wished for this. And it’s not like I celebrated or anything when…”

She nodded, not making me say it.

“But I didn’t want to be a father. Not then,” I continued. “But I always kind of thought that if I really loved Em and I was determined to make it work because Iwantedto and not because I wasobligatedto, then… maybe… our child wouldn’t have died.”

A single tear made its way down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly.

“See? You probably think I’m the most selfish motherfucker to ever live,” I concluded. “I don’t deserve good things, Cindy. So if you never want to talk to me again—”

“Call her,” she ordered.

“What?”

“Call Emmeline. Right now.”

“It’s late.”

“It’s not too late,” she told me. “You can’t just ignore her, Luke. She’s hurting and you’re the only person who gets what she’s going through.”

“I thought you hated Emmeline.”

“I did. She was a total bitch to me. But I also I hated her because I wanted you for myself,” she admitted. “But you need to talk to her. You need to honor what the two of you went through. You owe her that much.”

She was right. I took out my phone. My thumb hovered over Emme’s contact information. I took a deep breath and looked over at Cindy.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she assured me. “Call her.”

Twenty-Four

Luke

My hands actually shook as I dialed Emmeline, but Cindy was right there next to me. I felt like I could get through it.

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