Page 57 of The One Next Door

“Whoa. I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”

“Yeah. Here she was getting ready for life to slow down when she became the single guardian to four kids whose parents lost custody. They were more interested in drugs and partying than being parents. And rather than split the four siblings up and let them go into the system, Mrs. Heffernan decided to become a full time parent all over again.”

“Wow.”

“But she lived in a one bedroom condo and funds were limited. She bought that old house for cheap because she needed the space, but it was a mess inside,” I went on. “She was looking to see how much it would cost to make the house work for her and the kids and she couldn’t afford it. But my dad was a family man with a whole brood of kids himself.”

“And he helped her out?”

“He did. He and a few of his guys would go work on the house after hours and on weekends. He worked out a payment plan with her for the materials. I mean, it took the better part of a year, but he made that house a home for the five of them so that those kids could grow up in a safe place.”

I could feel the catch in my throat. The one that always reared its ugly head when I talked about my dad.

“He was a good man, huh?” Zoe whispered.

“Yeah,” I said, quickly, shaking some sense into myself. “He was the best.”

I cleared my throat and stood up from the table. I had to get out of there before I spilled my guts all over Zoe.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I should get out of your hair.”

“Don’t you want to finish your wine?”

I swallowed the rest of the glass and shook my head. Zoe looked upset. This was the hot water heater all over again. I knew that I was being rude and hurting her feelings, but I did it anyway.

“Carter…”

“I can’t stay, Zoe. I mean, I’ll help you with your renovations and all. Maybe we can figure out a time when you and Rex aren’t home and I can get my guys in here to assess everything and start with this kitchen,” I said.

I was making my way towards the door without my mind telling me to. Zoe followed me down the hall and into the living room, cutting me off before I could leave.

“Carter… what about Rex?” she asked. “What about baseball?”

I ran my hands through my hair. I don’t know what I was thinking promising to do such adadthing. Teach a kid to play ball.

“Fuck,” I muttered.

“You didn’t think that through, huh?”

“I—”

“I don’t understand you, Carter. You’re sweet for a second, then you shut down. You tell me you’re immature, then do you something amazing. But tonight, you promised my son the world and you’re going to let him down. I… I… what’s going on here?”

I drew in a deep breath. I didn’t meet her eyes. I couldn’t.

How do I explain to her that I had no business doing anything remotely fatherly with her son? I wasn’t my father. My father was the glue that held my family together and without him, we were never the same.

I couldn’t do that to anyone, let alone someone as sweet as Zoe and a kid as amazing as Rex. I couldn’t let myself become a part of their lives. I’d just figure out a way to fuck it up.

Zoe looked at me for an answer but I couldn’t come up with one.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

I looked up to see the pain and disappointment in her eyes. I looked back down.

“It’s fine."

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