Page 35 of Free

“Listen!” I say in lieu of hello, pulling the phone away and switching it to video.

Justin and Remi come into view sitting shirtless, shoulder to shoulder, leaning up against the head of the bed. I smack the button to turn the video around and focus the camera on the ultrasound monitor, my new favorite machine in the world.

“Is that…?” Remi asks, his voice quavering through the phone line.

Angie answers for me, which is probably a good thing, because my throat has completely swelled up. Thank goodness she can’t see the other side of the video. Justin wraps his arm around Remi’s shoulder and Remi looks at Justin, tears spilling out of his eyes.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”

He’s there. Remi’s there, and they’re together, and Justin kisses the side of Remi’s face because together we are becoming a family and I am pregnant with their child.

Something cracks inside my chest, then heals, then without a lick of warning, I start to cry.

That is our baby’s heart beat.

9

REMINGTON

January…

“Do you need help?”Justin asks Jules as she’s unfolding the gown the nurse left for her to change into. It’s our first prenatal appointment, and the only reason you can’t see my hands shaking is because they’re balled into fists so tightly my nails are digging into my palms, and said fists are shoved into my pants pocket.

“Nope,” Julia shakes her head in the negative and thrusts her purse into Justin’s arms before beginning the tedious process of stripping out of her boots and sweater.

We've already had an ultrasound to confirm that everything was still as it should be. The new picture is safe and snug in my wallet, and the digital copies saved to my phone as my background. It’s amazing the difference two weeks makes. Last time, Jules said they had to ultrasound her from inside her body. This time, all she had to do was tug down her pants.

Justin, not having any sense of dignity, swings her purse around his neck and across his body, then folds every scrap of clothing she removes, placing it in a neat pile on one of the chairs.

Despite the heater running, there’s still a bit of a chill in the air, and Julia has always been sensitive to the cold. Her nipples pucker, and her skin pebbles as her shirt and bra are removed and replaced with the paper blue monstrosity.

I keep one ear on them and let the rest of my attention wander around the exam room. There are pictures showing fetuses in different stages of gestation and a picture of a cervix at varying lengths and dilations. I feel a pang of sympathy at what poor Julia’s body is going through and everything that’s left to come.

The exam table has the standard stirrups that are just this side of obscene, and there’s a rolling cart with a screen and instruments that must be used for an ultrasound.

“Nervous?” Justin asks, coming up beside me.

His eyes are sparkling, the bright blue iris almost dancing with excitement and happiness. He’s still wearing Julia’s purse and rocking back and forth on his heels. My eyes flick behind him to see Jules sitting on the table with her sweater back around her shoulders, playing with her phone.

“No,” I lie, giving him my full attention. “Shouldn’t you be asking her that?”

He doesn’t call me on my bluff, thank fuck.

Justin lifts his hands to my biceps and squeezes my shoulders before rubbing his palm up and down my arms. “Baby steps,” he whispers. One foot after the other. Nobody can hurt us now. Nobody can take them away from me. We are having this baby together, and this appointment is the first step to taking what we want and telling all the nay-sayers to go fuck themselves.

I breathe out slowly through tightened lips, giving Justin as much of a smile as I’m able to right now.

“Excited?”

My smile goes from forced to spreading freely throughout my entire body. Like a kid on Christmas morning. My throat clogs up, and all I can do is nod and bite my lower lip in a mostly-failed attempt to keep everything inside. We’re here because Julia is carrying our child, and my stomach swoops every time I think about it.

“Come here.”

My heart jumps in my chest, and I shake my head even though Justin is already leaning in. My hands land on his hips automatically, a pavlovian response to Justin being inside my personal bubble.

“What happens if someone comes in?” I mumble, flicking my eyes toward the door.

“Then they’ll catch me comforting the man I'm spending the rest of my life with,” he replies with his mouth against mine. His kiss tastes like chapstick. He doesn’t press himself on me, just offers me his surety and calm as I slow my breathing to match his exhales against my lips.

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