Page 147 of You Might Be Bad for Me

Addison

This coldness won’t go away.

It follows me everywhere. Even burying myself under the blankets doesn’t take the chill away.

I can’t sleep. I can only wait for updates from Daniel. He texted me all night. He’s really leaving.

It all feels so final and I have no time to process anything. There’s a heaviness in my chest and a soreness in my lungs that I’m so painfully aware of. They won’t leave me alone.

Another message, another plea from him.

Please meet me,he begs.I can’t lose you again.

Looking at his message stirs up so much emotion. I don’t want to lose him. That’s the worst part of all of this. It’s the fact that I don’t want to be alone and without him again.

But how can you forgive someone for watching you suffer when they knew they could save you?

I’ll wait outside. I’m on my way and I’ll wait for you, but I can’t wait long. Please Addison.

The seconds tick by as I stare at his message.

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

It’s early in the morning; the sun is still rising. A new day.

I can tell him goodbye. Just one last kiss. A kiss for the love we had. The love we shared for another too. A final goodbye that I should have had years ago.

I can pretend that’s what this will be, but I already feel myself clinging to him.

Some people you’re meant to say goodbye to, and others you aren’t.

I don’t text him back. Instead I head to the bathroom. I look exactly how I feel, which is fucking awful. I half question getting myself somewhat put together to see him.

But I don’t want him to remember me like this if it really is the last time I’ll see him.

I take a few minutes, each one seeming longer and longer even though hardly any time has passed. And when I look up, I see a pretty version of me, with mascara and concealer to hide the exhaustion. I can’t hide the pain though.

I’ll try to let him go and move on.

Because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Isn’t it? It’s what a sane, strong woman would do.

The zipper seems so loud as I close the makeup bag, as does the click of the light switch. There’s hardly any light from the early morning sunrise as I make my way out and down the stairs to the side entrance of the apartment.

Each step feels heavier than the last and my heart won’t stop breaking.

It’s a slow break, straight down the center. My heart hates me, but yet again, it’s something that seems so fitting.

There’s a large window on the side entrance door and I’m staring out of it, looking for Daniel’s car when I push it open. He isn’t here yet. Not that I can see.

I want more time before I have to say goodbye and it makes it painfully obvious that I don’t want to speak the words. But I can’t be weak and I don’t know that I can forgive him.

The cool air hits my face as the wind whips by and I walk slowly down the stairs. I take my time, not wanting this to end but knowing it’s so close and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

The second I hit the bottom step and see Daniel’s car pull up to the curb, a large hand covers my face at the same time that I’m pulled back into a heavy wall—no, a man’s chest.

A man. Someone’s grabbed me. The realization hits me in a wave. I didn’t see him coming. I still can’t see him.

A scream rips up my throat as I try to swing back and hit him. Daniel! I try to scream, but I can’t. The man whirls around and my vision is blurred as I hit a brick wall, my arm scraping against it.

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