Page 103 of You Might Be Bad for Me

He only nods and I’m sure he’s going to walk off, but instead he steps closer to me. He shoves a piece of paper in front of me onto the bar and then grips the barstool I’m sitting on with both of his hands.

He’s so close I can feel his heat as he whispers to me, “I’ll see you soon, Addison.”

CHAPTER8

Daniel

Five years ago

The wind howls as it whips past us. We’re all dressed in black suits, but the shoes we spent all last night shining are buried beneath the pure white snow. The ice melts and seeps between the seams, letting the freezing cold sink into what was once warm. It’s fitting as we stare at the upturned dirt in front of us.

We’re the last ones here. We stopped on our way back from the dinner since the sun has yet to set, and there’s still a bit of light left.

The sky beyond us is blurred and the air brutally cold, the kind that makes my lungs hurt each time I try to breathe.

One of my brothers cries. It’s a whimper at first but I don’t move to see who’s the weakest of us. My muscles coil at the thought, hating how I’ve judged. Hating how I view strength. I’m pathetic. I’m the weak one.

Jase, the farthest from me, sniffles as his shoulders crumple and then he covers his face.

He was the closest to Tyler but now he’s the baby, taking Tyler’s place. The air turns cruel, biting at the back of my neck with a harsh chill as his cries come to a halt. My throat’s tight as I try to swallow. It makes me bitter to be standing here, knowing I need to leave and can’t stay here. That I’m the one who gets to continue breathing. That fate chose to take one of the good ones, and leave the ruthless and depraved behind.

Five brothers are now only four.

Four of us stand over Tyler’s body. Six feet in the ground.

All of us will mourn him. The world is at a loss for not knowing him. I finally get the expression about how it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Tyler was good through and through. He would have lived his days making the world a better place. He’d try to start a conversation with anyone; just to get to know them, just to make them laugh if he could.

All four of us lined up and saying our final goodbyes will never be the same after losing our youngest brother.

But only one of us knows the truth.

Only one of us is guilty.

The worst partis when I leave. I’m the last of us to finally part from Tyler’s grave, but when I leave, my gaze stays rooted to where her car was. Where Addison had parked. My memories aren’t of my father crying helplessly against the brick wall of the church, refusing to go in when he couldn’t hide his pain. The images that flash before my eyes as my shoes crunch against the icy snow aren’t of all his friends and teachers and family who have come from states away to tell us how sorry they are and how much Tyler will be missed.

All I can think about is Addison. How she stood so quietly on the fringes of the crowd, her fingers intertwined, her eyes glossy. How even as the wind ripped her scarf from her shoulders, carrying it into the distance and leaving her shoulders bare, she didn’t move. She didn’t even shudder. She was already numb.

The picture of her standing there motionless, staring at the casket is what I think about as I leave my brother.

I didn’t know thenhow dangerous that was. Or maybe I did and I didn’t want to believe it. But Addison would haunt me long after that night, as do so many other things.

She’s only a girl. One small, weak girl.

Her red cheeks and nose and windblown hair made her look that much more tempting. Everything about her is ruined. At least she appeared to be that night. But I knew she had more left in her. More life and spirit. More emotion to give.

I may be cruel and unforgiving, but I’m right. I’m always right.

CHAPTER9

Addison

The night Tyler died, I saw it all happen.

I was there and I heard the tires squeal.

At the memory, I can practically feel the cold raindrops from that night pelting my skin. I turn on the faucet to the hottest it can go and wait until steam fills the room. I step into the shower, ignoring how the sounds of water falling are so similar to the rain that night as I stood outside the corner store. He called my name. My eyes close and my throat feels tight as I hear Tyler’s voice.

---