Page 76 of You Might Be Bad for Me

I blink at him. “He opened the door.

“So you didn’t have it locked?”

“I …” I have to think back to whether I did or not and Kevin’s eyes stare back at me.

Do you want to come in? Was that what I asked him? My bottom lip quivers with the visions playing in front of me.

“I asked if you had it locked,” Ballinger repeats with a hardened tone. As if reliving the moment just before trauma and tragedy doesn’t take more than a second to get through.

Swallowing thickly, I answer him, I didn’t even close the door. The vision of Kevin kicking it shut as I tried to sway, deliberately appearing drunk takes over.

“So he didn’t need a key to get in.”

“No, anyone could have opened that door to help me.”

They don’t like it when I sayhelp me. They quiet down and share a glance each time I say it. But that’s what Dean was doing. He came in to rescue me because I was screaming and in return, I made him a murderer. I don’t know how he’ll ever forgive me. But so long as he doesn’t pay for my sins, I’ll be able to sleep at night. At least I pray I will.

“You said you were screaming,” Massing starts then takes a long inhale. The air conditioner kicks on in the quiet room with a click. It’s empty except for us, another uncomfortable as fuck chair next to me, and a folder containing Dean’s rap sheet sitting in the middle of the table. “And that’s because Kevin was on top of you?”

“Yes, he was forcing my clothes off.”

“And did you at any time, help him?” Ballinger asks and I peer up at both of them, unflinchingly looking back at me.

“Help him?”

“To remove your clothes,” he clarifies. I’ve never felt so disgusted and the emotions that swell up inside of me are a mix of raw pain and fear and anger. It’s all of it, all at once.

“I want a lawyer.” My statement is simple and I damn well mean it. My throat is sore and the words raspy, but clear.

“You don’t need one; you haven’t been charged with anything.”

“So I’m free to go then?” My voice is flat, my lips pressed in a thin line.

“We have more questions.”

“I won’t be answering any without a lawyer.” For the first time since I walked in here, I speak with authority.

“Why is that?” Massing asks.

“Do you have something to hide?” Ballinger says with a sneer.

My entire body is tight with a pain neither of these two pricks will ever know.

“You aren’t just questioning me. You’re questioning what I already told you … maybe that’s your job, but mine is to get a lawyer.”

DEAN

So many eyes are on me as I sit here in the hard wooden chair. There’s only one gaze that calls to me, though. One that begs me to look back.

Allison.

She’s so close, yet unreachable. All I can hear as my lawyer and the district attorney go back and forth in front of the judge is my heart racing, begging me to turn to her and ease the worry and pain I know she’s feeling.

She’s staring at me like that day in class when I first got the balls to talk to her. That day she gave into me. I can feel her staring at me like I did her, but I can’t resist her the way she did with me. I never could.

When I turn to face her, I can’t stand the look in her eyes. It’s clear she blames herself. I would give anything to go to her, but I have to rip my gaze away.

I don’t know where we stand. If she hates me. Condemns me. Loves me.Please God, let her love me still.I’d do anything for her.

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