Page 37 of Christmas Confessions

“Your father and I got in a fight. Our Christmas was miserable.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t really explain why you want to come to Quincy.”

Eliza has never even been to Quincy. My dad didn’t meet her until after he moved out to LA.

She shrugs. “Where else would I go?” she asks me. “I want to spend time with the only other family I have—which is you and Isabell—but I want to get out of LA. So, Quincy it is.”

“I’m sorry you guys are fighting,” I say. “But are you sure that’s a good idea? Shouldn’t Dad have somebody there to take care of him?”

“There are a million people there to take care of him, I assure you. Even if Ididstay, I wouldn’t be able to do it, Kenneth. Your father told me he doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t want me around him anymore. So, now you don’t have to feel like you and Isabell are the only ones.”

My stomach sinks. I wish I knew why he continues to push away the people who love him, and why he’s choosing to surround himself with a bunch of strangers. Who wants to live out the remainder of their life like that?

“There’s no way he means that,” I try to assure her.

Eliza is not normally one to cry, but I notice it when her eyes fill with tears. She tries to be quick and turn away from me, but she wasn’t quick enough. “It is what it is, Kenneth. Even if he does love me, it doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want me there.”

Selena and I exchange looks, and the three of us are silent for a moment.

Eventually, Eliza turns around and claps her hands together, a smile on her face. “So! You’ll have to teach me how to navigate the airport. It’s been a while since I’ve ridden on a commercial flight.”

27

DAMASCUS

At this point, I don’t even know if Blair is still my girlfriend anymore. It’s New Year’s Eve now, and I have still barely heard from her.

I’ve even tried to ask her if our relationship is over, and her reply to that had been something vague.

I don’t know what I think.

That’s what she had said. This was over text last night before I went to bed. I tossed and turned all night after reading it, and when I woke up this morning, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

When I get feelings like this, I have that urge. I want to lash out. I want to do something that will distract me. My own self-sabotaging, if you will.

Maybe Blair will get evenmoremad at me if I do something bad. Maybe she will tell me that she’s done for good. But at least I’ll have her attention.

And at least I will know.

I decide I’m going to go to another Warehouse party. I already know what to expect of it; it’s going to look exactly like the Christmas one, only all of the red and green will be gone, and instead of ugly sweaters, everyone will be dressed up.

I don’t drink beforehand this time. The reason I’m going in the first place is because I hope I see Jennifer again, and I need to be sober when I do.

The thing is, I am still reeling over how she had acted when she found out I went to group therapy. I just want to ask her what her problem is. I want to confront her about being so judgmental.

Maybe someone will see me and her fighting, and they will tell Blair about it. Then Blair will know that Jennifer doesn’t mean anything to me.

Because she doesn’t. I swear.

I put on the only formal clothes I have—a black button-up shirt, black slacks, and my black and white sneakers. Then I look in the mirror and think about doing something about my messy hair, but I don’t.

It’s not like Blair will be there for me to try and impress.

I drive to The Warehouse in my truck and park, then I hop out and head inside.

The music in here is so loud that I can feel it vibrating in my chest, and there’s even more people here than before, too. It almost looks like all of Quincy has decided to show up.

It’s already a little after eleven, and I know I don’t have much time until midnight. I also know that I can’t be next to Jennifer when the countdown happens. She is not the way I want to start off my new year—I want to use these last fifty-one minutes to make sure she’s not in my new year atall.

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