Page 4 of The Darkest Revenge

“There is nowe... there’s onlyyou. There stopped being a ‘we’ when we came here. Every once in a while, you’d think of me to make yourself feel better. To make yourself feel less selfish. You don’t care about me. You made that really clear what you think of me.” I managed a rattling breath, and my lungs screamed as flames engulfed them. Goosebumps swamped my arms and across my chest, and Brandon rubbed his face and shook his head wildly.

“No— no. We can... can figure this out. I mean, y-you didn’t follow through. And I... I mean, I’m going to try. I’m going to try to make things better. You make me a better person, Katie, and... I don’t want to give up.”

“... Well, that’s too damn bad, because I’m tired of trying. Trying to tell the truth. Trying to keep it all together. Trying to keepmyselftogether. It’s too late. I’m done.” Tearing my eyes off him, I wished desperately that Brandon would leave. “There’s no point in trying anymore.”

“What about our baby?”

The hairs on the back of my neck bristled at his tiny question, and I gulped down the dense lump in my throat. My face burned, threatened to melt right off my skull, and my lip curled in a snarl.

“We have to try for her, right?”

“You can if she makes it that far. But... I doubt it.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Brandon leapt to his feet out of the corner of my eye. Through my empty chest, my heart plummeted when he grabbed my biceps in clammy, cold hands. Forcing me to look at him, his eyes blazed with a crazy desperation.

“I’m trying to find a way out of this! Why can’t you just cooperate!” he yelled loud, right against my face, and the fine hairs on my cheeks stood up. “I get it. I fucked up. You said you were moving on, that you were going to be the better person— why are you just giving up on us when we’re finally clearing the air!”

“Insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Why bother when you’ll end up leaving me in the end, anyway? It’s me, isn’t it... I’m the common denominator.”

Brandon jerked back as if I’d slapped him, his gasp scraping painfully against my ear drums. His grip on my biceps softened and lifted, and he clamped a hand over his mouth tightly. For a moment, I just stared at him, wondering how much we’d both changed since that night at the cancer auction.

“It’s not fun, is it? Having your whole world ripped apart and knowing you can’t do anything to stop it. I spent so much time and effort on trying to make this work. I tried to see it your way— this would be like a vacation, and it could be fun. I tried to understand why I had to stay inside. I tried to understand where you were coming from, ignoring me unless I acted out. In the end, I guess my tries weren’t good enough. So, what’s the point of keeping on trying? Experience dictates it won’t be good enough.”

“So— so— so you’re just gonna give up? On us? On our baby? What about your plan to get me to live on fifty thousand dollars? What about your acting?” Once again, Brandon moved to grab me, this time by my forearms, and I stiffened when he sat on the edge of the bed.

Hope blossomed in his red-rimmed eyes, and... I almost felt bad for him... if I had the energy to feel anything right now, it’d probably be pity.

“What about that movie with Mat that we talked about? You love acting. Don’t you want to at least keep doing that?”

“I struggled so, so hard to tell you the truth. Every time I got close I was overwhelmed with fear that I’d lose you. That you’d leave me, and then... I wouldn’t have anyone or anything. I wouldn’t have Mason or my mom or you. I would be alone, and I’d end up like my dad, hanging from a ceiling fan. I never told you, but the outcome would be the same.”

Brandon shivered uncontrollably before running out of the room, and I closed my eyes and exhaled a slow, shallow breath. Gingerly laying back down, I pulled my covers up as much as I was able and gazed into the abyss behind my lids.This is for the best. I’m too tired. Brandon can hate me, but that’s better than him blaming himself. He killed my dad, but I’m the one that didn’t move on and brought it back to bite him.

Besides, it’s not a total lie. That’s what I believed... even if I don’t believe it anymore.

ChapterFour

BRANDON

Holding myself over the toilet, I ground my teeth and tried to stop my empty stomach from flipping inside out. Katie’s rasping, cold tone grated my ears, her words pounding against the backs of my eyes viciously.She was just upset. She didn’t really mean those things. We’ll get through this.

Flushing the toilet with clammy fingers, I stumbled out of the bathroom to lean heavily against the wall. Forcing huge breaths into my lungs, my hands tightened into fists to bang weakly. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, my knees gave way, and I slid to the floor to rub up my face and fist my hair.

“Shit...” Inhaling through dry nostrils, I held my breath and listened to my heart race before exhaling slowly. Shaking my head roughly, I forced down the ringing in my ears, and the hairs on my arms stood up before I heard the soft padding of feet. Cracking open my eyes, shame clawed at my throat as Julia walked up to me to sit next to me quietly. My cheek tingled with the phantom sensation of her slap, but I knew she wouldn’t apologize for it even as I opened my mouth. “How long did you know?”

“She told me a few days ago. Agonized over it. Brandon—” She gusted a sigh, shaking her head before looking at me with sadness swimming in her eyes. “Everyone in this situation did something wrong at some point. No one is denying that. But you have to understand that marriage is working through your problemstogether.You need to have a conversation with her with no guilting or accusations or expectations. Just talk and listen.”

“But she shut me out. I don’t know what to do or how to do this anymore.” I realized in that moment what a hypocrite I was for being upset Katie had shut down on me. She was right; ever since we came to this island, I ignored her and what she wanted. Why wouldn’t she be tired of fighting battles I didn’t even know were happening?

“Maybe, start by explaining your side of what happened with her father. She knows, but you didn’t actually tell her. You didn’t explain yourself or why those mistakes happened. That’s probably where you should start, Brandon.”

My eyes widened as realization crept up on me sluggishly. Covering my mouth when my stomach heaved dangerously, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and held my head between my knees.

“Everything comes back to talking to each other, Brandon. You can’t resolve your issues if you don’t even know what they are.”

Shivering under the weight of my failures and mistakes, I ground my teeth trying to keep my stomach from churning inside out. Julia made perfect sense, but my frazzled mind was almost mush in my skull.What if I told Katie, but she’s truly already given up on us? What if the mistakes I made are irreparable?

Behind my tightly screwed eyelids, I could picture nothing but Katie’s blank face as she told me ‘You killed my dad. Why bother? There’s no point in trying anymore.’Pure, incredible exhaustion was the only thing swirling in her eyes, nothing else. No sadness. No anger at me. She had spent all that she had to give and then some, and there was nothing left but emptiness and defeat.

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