Page 54 of Evil Beautiful

Why would the Iron Dogz MC need a hospital room at their clubhouse?

I snorted at myself being so dense. The bikers were outlaws. I knew what that diamond on their kuttes meant. They weren’t your average law abiding citizens.

I sighed heavily. I had truly fallen over the edge into bad guy territory when I hooked up with Gideon Acheson. He was a known underworld figure with a fearsome reputation for blood thirsty violence.

Was that why he was a sexual dominant?

Lying in bed not able to move without pain gave me time to really think about us.

About the fact that I was with a man who was not only a prominent underworld figure but a sexual dominant as well.

What did that mean for me…for us?

I wasn’t a submissive, and that was the first obstacle.

In all my previous relationships I had been the top, never the bottom. With Gideon I was the bottom and I had been happy to give him that. Now I didn’t know anymore.

After what had been done to me I don’t think I would ever be able to play the way he needs to play. I had watched him whipping and flogging a submissive at his club and saw how much it turned him on. Just the thought of being tied to that cross, helpless while he whipped me, had my gut clenching in fear.

I knew it was a knee jerk reaction. Everything he had done to me so far had been with my consent. And I had liked it, liked the way he gave me a bite of pain with the pleasure.

I knew he would never hurt me just because he could.

But my lizard brain wouldn’t listen to me. It told me I was in danger and had to protect myself.

I was starting to panic when Spider walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

“I can hear by your breathing that you’re about to hyperventilate. Calm, Kellen, breathe nice and easy. Breathe with me, in, and out, in, and out.”

Listening to his voice and breathing with him calmed my panic and slowly the fear faded.

“What brought that on?” He took my hand and held it as he sat next to the bed. A big badass biker was holding my hand, and doing it so naturally it wasn’t awkward at all.

I had no one else to talk to and he seemed like a nice guy so I took the plunge and told him about my fears.

“I don’t know if I can be what Gideon needs. Not after what they did to me.” My voice was so soft it was almost a whisper.

He was silent for a bit before he nodded.

“I’m aware that he’s part owner of a sex club and a sexual dominant. What about him being a dominant scares you the most?”

He went right to the heart of the matter.

I hesitated before I answered.

“He…uhm…he likes restraining his partners and giving them pain. He’s especially fond of using whips. Having you at his mercy and in pain is what turns him on. We were slowly leading up to playing at his club but I don’t think I can give him that. Just the thought of being restrained and people watching me fucks with my head.” I admitted softly. “The rest just plain scares me.”

Sitting back he crossed his arms and with a small frown sat tapping his fingers to his mouth. We sat in silence for a few minutes that felt like hours before he grunted to himself then sat forward again.

“My dad always told us that problems in a relationship are solved by talking, not by silence. You need to tell him what you told me. He deserves to hear about your fears before you make a stupid decision that will hurt you both. You never know, he might have a way to get what he wants without tying you up or whipping you. And thinking realistically, it’s going to be a long damned time before you are well enough to start playing sexual games. Use the time to get some professional help. You’ve been abused and that’s not an easy thing to get over.” He patted my hand. “Any time you need someone to talk to you call me, I’ll listen without any judgement.”

I stared at the very handsome man sitting next to my bed.

How was it possible for such a caring man to be an outlaw biker?

There was so much more to him than just the kutte he wore.

After the help and advice he has given me I wanted to do something for him. Give him something he would appreciate.

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