Page 63 of A Kiss Of Lies

She swallowed hard. A trifle pale, but with a look of stony resolve, she took his hands in hers. “With every breath in my body, I swear I wanted to accept your proposal, but how could I? How could I become your wife without the world realizing who I was? Then I would have dragged your good name through the mud. I know you. You would have defended me. How could I let you fall in love with me and then let you watch me hang? It was better to hurt you now, before we became entwined too deeply.”

He bent and kissed her lips chastely. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in deep. And you’re right. I will defend you until my dying breath. You killed in self-defense and are blameless.”

Christian could still recall his mother’s anguished cries in the night. It wasn’t until he was much older that he’d come to understand what they had signified. His father had beaten his mother. His father had killed his mother. He’d not see another innocent woman die because of a brutal bully. Unlike his mother, Serena would not be left alone and helpless.

“Oh, Christian, how on earth can I prove that? There is no way Sean Burcher will tell the truth. I cut him with a knife. I escaped. I humiliated him. My only other witnesses are slaves. What British court would take the word of a slave over a white man? Peter is the brother of a marquis!”

“Sebastian can testify for you. He’s also a marquis.” He hugged her, pulling her tightly against his chest. “He knows of Dennett’s behavior. Dennett almost killed one of Sebastian’s lightskirts with his sadistic tendencies. I’m sure we could find other men willing to testify to Dennett’s debauched character.”

“Lord Coldhurst did say that all I had to do was ask and he’d come to my aid.”

“Ah, so he did know who you were when we were in Jamaica. I thought he was hiding something.” Christian couldn’t hide the stab of hurt in his tone.

“Don’t think too badly of your friend. I made him promise not to tell you who I was. He was only protecting you. That’s why he interrogated me at the beach. He too thought I was abusing your good nature.”

When she finished speaking, Serena met his stare with a look of guarded tenderness. Blue shadows from the moonlight sculpted his face as she searched it for signs of how he was feeling.

“He must have believed you were genuine, for we came to blows over you, yet he did not reveal your identity.”

“In York, when I entered your study that first day, I can’t explain my reaction to you. I was drawn to you in exactly the same way as I had been when I was a young girl. I inwardly cried when I saw your wounds, and wondered how anyone could mark something so beautiful. I knew in that moment we would be good for each other. I got the overwhelming impression that somehow we could heal each other.”

“You were the first woman to look me in the eye since I received my burns. That was what impressed me.”

“I saw past your injuries to the man underneath. You were still the good, honorable, and kind man I had worshiped from afar.” She cupped his cheek. “And you’re still my beautiful, sexy hero.”

He could barely breathe. “You still think I’m beautiful?”

Her gaze trailed lingeringly over his finely chiseled face and drank in his potent male beauty. “How could I think otherwise? You are beautiful, both inside and out. Look at what you have done for me. You have had the patience, kindness, and understanding to help a woman overcome her worst fears. I can’t imagine how empty and cold my life would have become without the touch of another human being—without your touch. And here you are protecting me even after you’ve heard about everything I’ve done, and that I had deceived you as well. I’ve never wanted any man the way I want you.”

“Would you want me even if I couldn’t protect you?”

“Christian, I never ever expected you to protect me. I still don’t. I never thought you’d be interested in me as a lover in the first place. I was more than happy to be Lily’s governess. After what Peter did to me, wanting to be intimate with a man was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t bring myself to let any man near me. It was you who pursuedme.”

What she said was true. If she’d been trying to manipulate him into protecting her, she would have taken the opportunity to seduce him the first night she came to his room. Instead she’d simply stayed to ease his nightmare, to help him, not herself.

But what would happen when she became free of the charges? If he aided her in getting the charges dropped, would she still stay with him? He wanted to help her regardless of what it might cost him. Once she became Lady Serena Castleton once again, men would flock to her. Would her feelings for him turn to pity, and would she decide she could do better than an ugly, disfigured war hero?

He could force her hand right now. Marriage! He’d help her if she married him. But did he want her on those terms? If he made marriage a condition of aiding her, he’d never know if she truly loved him or if she felt nothing more than pity.

Christian struggled with himself. Did he still want to marry her? Could he protect her if she became Lady Markham?

They would both be dragged through the courts, and the process would tarnish his name still further. Then, there was the situation with Barforte. Would the Duke use Harriet’s rape against him? Would Harriet’s accusations be listened to and believed? Was his word of honor still recognized by his peers? Would it be enough to protect Serena?

He could never live with himself if he promised her the protection of his name only to discover that his name was now not enough to save her.

Despite all this, he could not live without her. He knew that much. He had to think long and hard before deciding on a course of action. Her life, and therefore his own, depended on the decision he made.

Lifting her tense hand from where it lay on his chest, Christian bent his head, closed his eyes, and slowly kissed it. He heard the unsteady inhalation of her breath as her tears fell upon their joined hands. Her tiny sob melted his heart, and he covered her hand in kisses, every movement strengthening his resolve to reach deep within himself and protect her for the rest of her life. She would not end up dying young because of the brutality of her husband.

She was not alone, unlike his mother had been.

“We will think of a way to clear your name. For more than anything in the world, I want you to become my wife and the mother of my children. I love you, my beautiful girl.” He rested a hand on her belly. “You might already be carrying my child, and I want that more than anything.”

She put her hand on top of his and leaned in to press her lips to his scarred cheek. As she drew back she said simply, “I love you too.” At his look of disbelief she added, “Truly. It’s as if I’ve always loved you.”

“I don’t care about the past, Serena,” he whispered in a surge of fierce loyalty. “I want you to forgive yourself for what happened. God must agree you’re innocent, because he was helping you when he brought you to me. And I will lay down my life before I see you hurt further. We will work out a way to set you free. But I need time, time to consult with my lawyers and to build a substantial case. I’ll not reveal your identity until we are ready to win.”

“What if we can never prove it?” she asked in a subdued voice.

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