Page 47 of A Kiss Of Lies

“Grayson is keeping a watchful eye on Harriet. He has mentioned his concern over Harriet’s safety to the Duke, but Barforte has disregarded it. The Duke still believes you’re the guilty party. Some of Grayson’s men are providing discreet protection for his daughter.”

“I already owe Grayson my life. I don’t have anything else to give him.”

Sebastian looked out into the dimly lit garden. “Grayson feels responsible for your burns.” He poured more brandy down his throat.

“He’s not. I chose to go with him to silence the French cannon. It could have been he who became trapped.”

“You should tell him that. The guilt’s eating him alive.”

Christian stood. “I’ve told him that countless times. Perhaps if he sees me settled and happy, it will vanquish his unnecessary guilt.” He moved and stood in the doorway, staring up the staircase. “Speaking of the future and happiness, how do you suppose I can win back Sarah’s trust?”

“Tell her the truth. Tell her what you thought you saw. Perhaps she’ll understand then.”

Christian sighed and put his glass on the sideboard just inside the dining room door. “She’ll understand. But will she forgive? She abhors violence. She’ll not easily overlook aggression, and my temper truly frightened her.”

Sebastian stood beside him. “Then you’ll just have to earn her trust once more. It will be hard, but the rewards will be sweet. I almost envy you.”

Christian turned to his friend. “At least on board theDoreen, she’ll find it difficult to avoid me.” It was only then that he saw Margarita hovering expectantly near Sebastian’s study. He looked at his friend, amused. So that was the way of things. No wonder he did not bother with Sarah. He hugged his friend. “Will I see you before we depart?”

Sebastian inclined his head, signaling to Margarita as she stood in the hall. She slipped inside his study. “Probably not, my friend. I hate goodbyes. Don’t let Hadley forget about me.”

“I won’t. I hope to see you in England soon.” He turned and began making his way up the stairs. “Say thank you to Margarita for me. She’s made Lily and Sarah feel quite welcome. But not as welcome as you, it would seem!”

Sebastian’s soft chuckle followed him up the stairs.

Christian halted outside Sarah’s door. The urge to enter and beg her for forgiveness made every muscle in his body tighten, but now was not the time.

He’d said at the beginning that the seduction of Sarah would take patience. Having to be patient hurt him greatly, but the need to see her was physical torture.

If it meant winning Sarah, it was one burden he’d stoically bear.

* * *

Sarah paced her bedchamber. She kept her hands clasped firmly behind her back, knowing she’d bite her fingernails to the quick if they got anywhere near her mouth.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

Christian had a temper. He’d frightened her tonight.

She could refuse to travel tomorrow. She could be a coward and stay here. Sebastian would help her if she asked. The only problem was, she’d already formed a close bond with Lily. Lily would not understand. She’d be hurt yet again. Someone else was going to desert her.

Lily also filled a hole in Sarah’s life. While running from her past, while fleeing toward Canada, she’d known the life she’d always wanted was forfeit. There would be no husband, no children, and no loving family. Yet, since looking after Lily, her future seemed not so bleak. Suddenly she could see a chance at belonging, a chance at, if not having a child of her own, at least having a substitute one. She had Lily now.

She would love Lily as if she were her own.

However, the Christian at the table this evening was a stranger. He had been filled with anger and hate. His temper had been barely disguised by a veneer of respectability. How destructive could his temper get? Sarah had sworn never to put herself in harm’s way again.

When hatching her plan to travel back to England as governess to Lord Markham’s ward, she’d never fully considered how tenuous a relationship with an employer could be. She needed stability, especially as it would be dangerous for her to seek employment elsewhere. Once at his estate, if he learned how vulnerable she was, she would be at his mercy. Trapped, unable to turn to the law or indeed anyone for help, she would always be dogged by the fear of being arrested.

Sarah had thought she’d chosen well, that fate had sent her to Christian. She’d thought she knew him, the war hero whom thetonused to love. But did she know the real man underneath? The man who hid under the scars and heroic veneer?

She would be alone on his ship, with his crew, a long way out to sea. Memories of her horror-filled voyage to Virginia following her marriage made her stomach churn. The nausea she’d lived with most of her married life left her feeling terrified. She couldn’t go through a voyage or experiences like that again. She’d been kept a virtual sex slave in their cabin. Her husband demanded that his customary rights be available constantly. He’d not let her out of bed until she’d gotten sick with cabin fever. Finally, after two torturous weeks, she’d been allowed up on deck for sun and fresh air.

It had been the start of her eighteen-month nightmare. A nightmare she’d escaped by creating another nightmare. She’d become a murderess . . .

A small, persistent whisper in her head told her Christian wouldn’t treat her like Peter had. Unless . . . What if she upset him? What if she declined his attentions? After allowing him to pleasure her last night, would he expect to be able to bed her at his whim? No! She’d not allow it. With her husband dead, only she owned her body.

Her stomach knotted further, and she sank onto the corner of the bed. The memory of the night she’d fled her husband and Sean, her husband’s overseer . . . The images were more vivid when she closed her eyes. Zachary had saved her just in time. Onboard the ship, could she rely on Christian? She’d rather die than let herself be exposed to a violent temper again.

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