Page 30 of The Mistletoe Wish

“No. She didn’t want to go anyway. We need to talk.” He caught hold of her hand and tugged her around the back of the stalls. They crossed the freshly mown grass to stand beneath a shady jacaranda tree. “These past days have been hell. It’s not a situation I ever wanted to find myself in again after my marriage ended. But there you have it. Where have you been? I contacted everyone I could think of, but no one has heard from you in days.”

“I’ve been re-evaluating my life choices.” Sara’s heart all but exploded out of her chest so fast was it pounding.

“Were you hiding out at Fig Tree Lodge with Dodge and his family?”

“No. I camped in Akuna National Park.”

“You look thinner. Have you been eating properly?”

Did he really care? She shrugged, trying to beat down the flickering hope that refused to die. “With the fire ban, I couldn’t cook so I’ve been living off tins of baked beans and fruit.”

“Geeze, Sara. I’ve been so worried.” He dragged his free hand through his short hair, causing the ends to stand up. But his other thumb caressed the back of her knuckles. “That solicitor doesn’t know you’ve gone AWOL from the property. I’ve also contacted my Sydney lawyer and set in motion my withdrawal from the bequest.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.” She slipped her hand from his hold and placed the toolbox on the ground. By doing so, she managed to create a little more space between them. She couldn’t catch hold of her thoughts standing so close to him. Not when with every fibre of her being, she hungered to be in his arms.

Even if it was for only one last time.

Judging by his swift frown, Darim was fully alive as to the reason behind her movement. His gaze hooked hers and held. “I’m a man of my word, Sara.”

“I know. But I’m not worthy of your generosity.”

“How about you let me be the judge of that. I’m in love with you.”

Her fingers twitched. A tension headache began to stab behind her eyes as she fought the urge to run from him, from her past. “I can’t believe you still feel that way – not after what your wife told you.”

“Ex. She is in my past. I thought you were my future.” He stepped forward and held her upper arms gently. “You still are my future, unless you convince me that you don’t want me in your life.”

“If you really knew what I’m capable of you would walk away and never look back.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

She licked her cracked lips. This was it. The moment of truth. She couldn’t hold back any longer. Besides, she was relieved to finally tell someone the whole story, and glad that it was him.

“All right then. Here goes. I was a cop. I’d been assigned a temporary position helping bag and record a ton of evidence from a recent drug raid. Along with drugs, taped interviews and other documentation there was also the cash seized as part of the alleged money laundering operation. According to one of the investigation officer’s records, there was supposed to be one point four million dollars in fifty-dollar notes. I don’t know what came over me.” Clenching her fists, she hung her head. “But when I saw that money, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that just a portion could be the salvation I’d been praying for. My parents needed twenty-four seven nursing care. They were both uneducated having been brought up in an orphanage – that’s where they met. They barely scrapped a living as times were tough in South Korea under the military regime at that time. In 1983 they came to Australia as refugees and were granted asylum. Then they had me – their miracle baby. The child expected to raise them out of poverty and look after them in their old age. I did everything I was expected to do; studied hard, worked even harder at my job as a police officer, obtained a mortgage to buy a small unit for them to live in. But their health declined rapidly, and all my spare money was going into paying their bills. The doctor said they required more help than I could afford to keep them living in their own home. They were terrified of being separated and going into a nursing home. I didn’t know what to do to help.”

As the memories poured back, so did the shame and failure. Shaking in her skin, her shoulders sagged as she covered her face with her hands.

“Not a good situation for anyone to find themselves in.” A kiss landed on the top of her head.

It took all her willpower not to lean forward and rest against his strong chest. She had to keep going; had to tell him the entire truth. If he washed his hands of her, at least she had owned up to her past mistakes. And there would be no more secrets.

“The other two officers working with me where at the other side of the room. No one was watching and where I stood was a blind spot for the security cameras. I counted the money. I thought one hundred thousand would buy me some time. The trial wasn’t for another eight months. Plenty of time for me to get a second mortgage over the unit and replace the cash. But the thing is …” she paused and lifted her hands from her face.

The noise of the community picnic ebbed as if the world was poised for her to continue. A flock of black cockatoos passed overhead, squawking as they flew, making her jump. She usually wasn’t this easily startled. Just went to show exactly how much this conversation meant to her. It could signal the end of her most secret desire – to belong.

Through her silent tears she met his impassive gaze. “Only fifty thousand dollars was there; beneath the first few real notes in each bundle was a pile of paper cut to the same size. Someone had beat me to it. I think it was then that it really hit me that if I took the money, I’d be a criminal. No better than the scum I’d dedicated my career to taking down. I changed my mind but I wasn’t certain who to trust about the missing money. I picked up four bundles and stuffed them down my shirt thinking that I would take them to Dodge, and we’d work out how to proceed from there. Stupid. Stupid. I was panicking and couldn’t think straight. Later, Dodge saw me stashing them into my handbag in the locker room but before I could talk to him the next thing I knew I was being hauled in front of Internal Affairs.”

“Then you were innocent.”

She shook her head. “Not really. I was going to steal that money.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No one believed me that I changed my mind. I was caught with the evidence on my person. Afterwards, Dodge got his uncle who is an awesome barrister onto my case; pro bono which was good of him. One day I’ll pay them back. His team made so much stink over the charges against me and the circumstances, a royal commission into the whole mess was instigated. Because I cooperated with the investigation and fully admitted my intentions, plus they took into account my previous good record as a cop, in the end I was given a suspended sentence. It took a good two years however for all this to play out. In the meantime, I was in jail. My parents died alone. I never got to say goodbye or how sorry I was for leaving them the way I did and how ashamed I was that I had disappointed them.”

“That’s one hell of an ordeal.”

“Don’t you mean story? Apart from Dodge, not one other of my colleagues believed me. Even though I ended up being vindicated and the real culprits discovered and charged, most cops will never trust me again.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

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