Page 91 of When love and Hate Collide

“Don’t worry, it still might if he presses charges.” I point out and Dean rolls his eyes. “Also, how did you expect him to react, you broke his nose and left him a bloodied mess Dean, you would have reacted the same way if you were in his position,” I explain exasperated, and Dean shakes his head again.

“Don’t you fucking dare compare me to that fucker! If you were my girl, I would have never spoken to you like that in front of your whole family, and despite all the times we’ve fought, I’ve never lifted a finger to you.” He growls, his temper flaring again. Dean’s jaw starts throbbing the harder he clenches his teeth together. “The fact is, we both know the moment he showed up here, you and I never stood a chance because in your head, you already forgave him for all the bullshit he fed you; you were just biding your time.”

I shake my head in response, “That’s not true, I didn’t forgive him, in fact I’m not convinced I have fully forgiven him now, but what right do I have to judge him for lying to me when I’ve been doing the same to everyone around me. I may be a lot of things Dean, but I’m no hypocrite.”

“Really? Because you certainly preach like one to me.”

“It’s not easy to walk away from a two year relationship Dean, we have history.”

“So do we!” he points out matter-of-factly. “You may have two years’ worth of memories with him, but you and I haveseventeen years. I would think that would have precedence over your wanker of an ex-fiancé. In the space of four weeks,you and I have done things I know for damn sure you’ve never done with him.”

I avert my eyes, a light flush spreading from my neck to my face.

“If a relationship was based on sex alone, you and I would have no problem, but it’s not, it requires communication, and honesty and loyalty and more importantly some form of affection for one another.”

Dean steps closer to me, “You want affection?” he voices, traces of anger still lingering in his voice. “Because I remember there being plenty of affection between us at the start.”

I sigh, closing my eyes to scramble together some sense before I lose what little I have left. “What is it you want from me, Dean?”

“You, Jeyla, I fucking want you!”

I stare up at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. I know it may sound trivial, but this is the first time he’s actually used my name. I’ve always been JJ, he’s never said my name in all the years I’ve known him and for some reason it felt like a really big deal in that moment.

“Now? You want me now?! Why didn’t you say something before, Dean!” I shout back, “You wait for me to get back together with Paxton to confess that you want me, when every other day you’re telling me you don’t care. It’s too late now.” I press my hands into his chest and push at his chest. “Why is it you only want me when you can’t have me, Dean?!”

“Fucking hell, I’ve always wanted you! For seventeen fucking years, Jeyla! There has never been a version of my life that hasn’t had you or some fantasy of us in it. I spent my teenage years watching you with one boy or another and you never saw me, not once; so I started resenting you. You were the pretty popular girl that all the boys wanted, and I was your best friend’s chubby brother that everyone teased. Hating you was far better than ever confessing I had feelings for you and being rejected by you!”

My eyes well up while we stand looking at one another.

“I’ve been in love with you for as long as I’ve known myself.”

I gasp, hearing those words from Dean feels like I’ve been struck by a tidal wave of emotions. I’m unsure of how to react or what to say back while I stand there utterly speechless.

Dean shakes his head, looking defeated and goes to turn his back to me. “Just get out.”

I shake my head and take hold of his wrist, turning him to face me again. “No.”

Dean looks down at my hand wrapped around his wrist before he lifts his gaze and glares at me. “I’m not asking you, JJ, I’m telling you. Get the hell out, forget I said anything and go back to your perfect boyfriend.”

“I said no.” I utter stubbornly. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that on me and kick me out. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Fine, you stay, I’ll fucking go.” I watch him walk out of the bathroom and follow him to his bedroom. What the hell? Who tells someone they’re in love with them and then tells them to get out?

Dean grabs his jacket, keys and wallet that is on his nightstand before making a beeline to the door. I step in front of him, kicking the door shut and leaning against it blocking his exit. Dean glowers at me. “Jeyla, I’m warning you, move.” I ignore his threat and stand my ground, not moving an inch.

I turn the key, locking the door and removing the key from the lock, “If you want to walk out of this door you’re going to have to get through me first.”

Dean angrily tosses his jacket across the room and slams his hands on the door, his arms on either side of my head. On the outside I don’t even flinch, but inside my heart is thumping wildly against my chest.

“Christ! Are you having fun tormenting me? Are you getting pleasure by watching me suffer?” he growls lowly, and I shake my head.

“You think you’re the only one suffering?” I ask, looking him directly in the eyes. “I was doing just fine before you came along. I was finally in a place where I was beginning to be happy and one night I sleep with you and my whole world turns into chaos. You confuse me, Dean. I don’t know if I want to hit you for being such an arsehole or kiss you half the time.” Dean blinks, the anger burning in the depths of his simmering. “We’re so horrible to each other, it’s hard to believe that you and I can ever feel anything more than animosity for one another, but somewhere amongst all this chaos, I fell for you.”

Dean watches me closely, “I thought you were in love with him?” he probes, his voice now softer and all traces of anger gone.

“I am,” I admit quietly. “I can’t just switch my feelings off for him Dean, but that doesn’t mean what I feel for you isn’t as strong or substantial. It was easier denying my feelings for you because then I wouldn’t be forced to choose between you both and I believed you hated me anyway. On one hand, with him everything is simple and easy, he’s familiar and then I look at you and you drive me fucking crazy half the time, but I feel...” I close my eyes and sigh.

“Feel what?” Dean presses, urging me to continue.

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