Page 81 of When love and Hate Collide

Dean licks his lips and smirks, “You taste better.” Blood fills my cheeks almost instantly and we hold eye contact. I’m almost certain he’s going to kiss me until we hear a door open from the first floor, followed by footsteps. We both look up at the ceiling and I almost drop my fork in a panic, but Dean catches it. “Time to go, come on, I’ll save you a slice to eat tomorrow.” I blink at him, but before I have time to process, I’m being pulled to the back door. Dean unlocks the door soundlessly and pulls it open, his green eyes scan the area, and when he’s convinced it’s safe to go, he steps aside to let me out. I step out of the house into the garden and go to walk off, but Dean catches my wrist when I pass him and pulls me back. His fingers curling at my neck, he draws my mouth to his and gives me a short but dizzying kiss. “Go.”

I sneak through their garden and open the back gate as quietly as I can and scurry back to my house. Dean watches me the entire time, until I make it to my front door and go inside. I close the door and lock it, pressing myself against it I exhale slowly and touch my lips that are still tingling from Dean’s kiss.

Fuck me, I think I’m starting to like the idiot.

“Jeyla?”

I’m staring down at my phone at a message I sent Dean and hiss when Ashlyn smacks my arm to get my attention. “Owbitch, what?” I rub my arm while scowling at her.

Ash gives me a ‘what the fuck’ look and I sigh. “What is wrong with you lately? You’ve been really spacey like you’re off in your own little world or something? Is it because of Paxton?”

Paxton, Dean, the baby I have growing inside me, the fact I’m lying to you and my entire family on the daily. It’s a wonder I’m still functioning with the current confuzzled state of my head at the moment.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting him to show up like that, so it’s thrown me.” I groan, shifting on my bed to sit up straight and rub my hands over my face. “What am I going to do Ash? I’ve got my mum asking every five minutes to meet him, he’s still waiting for me to make a decision on whether or not we can try again and I’m somewhere in the middle freaking the fuck out about it all.”

Ash shifts so she’s sitting beside me, “Do you see yourself being with Paxton? Can you trust him to not hurt you again? It’s clear you’re still in love with him and he’s obviously not willing to give up on you.” I look up at her sullenly and she takes my hand. “You know how much I hate him for hurting you the way he did, but I’m also a sucker for a happy ending and that man loves you enough to come all the way down here and fight for you, Jey. You were the happiest you’ve ever been when you were with him.” The back of my eyelids prickle and I blink away the tears that start to gather in my eyes.

What about your brother and our baby? Will Paxton still want to fight for us when I tell him that I’m carrying another man’s baby? A maddening man I have very mixed feelings about. Speaking of Dean, I’ve not heard or seen him in three days, since that night in his bedroom. I sent him a text message yesterday informing him that I have my first appointment this afternoon with my midwife, and he’s read the message and didn’t bother responding.

Nothing peeves me off more than someone reading and ignoring my messages, especially when it’s concerning something so important and Dean the jackass is fucking notorious for it. I’m itching to slyly ask where he is because he certainly hasn’t been around.

“What if we get back together and can’t get back what we’ve lost, Ash?” I question, my tone laced with doubt, and she shrugs. “You know what they say about trying to hold together something that’s already broken. Eventually those cracks will cave, and it will all fall apart again, and I don’t know if I have the strength to go through that heartbreak all over again.” I admit, closing my eyes remembering the heartache I suffered throughout our break up. “Getting over him wasn’t easy.”

“You’re not over him though, are you?” Ash points out, smiling softly. When I stay quiet and lower my gaze, she squeezes my hand. “The good news is he will never have the power to break your heart like he did the first time.”

“I think I need some time to sort through my feelings, I don’t want to jump in hastily, you know?”

Ash smiles and gets up from my bed, “So take your time, make him sweat it out. In the meantime, we can go out and have some fun, because I’ve been cooped up in that house with my folks the last two days and I’m losing the will to live.”

Ah, and here’s my opportunity to pry a little without raising suspicion. “With your folks? Where are Oz and Dean?”

Ash stretches her arms over her head and groans, “Oz is seeing some girl I think, he’s walking around the house whistling and being all disgustingly chirpy and Dean, well he’s off being the man-whore that he is. Hasn’t been home in two days, likely hauled up with some skank or another knowing him, although mum did mention she thought she heard a girl’s voice in his room the other night.” My heart thumps against my ribcage and panic fills me. Holy shit, they heard us. “Maybe he has a secret girlfriend, because I know Dean and he would never bring his booty calls home.”

I bite the inside of my cheek and force myself to nod and appear disinterested, but I am indeedveryinterested and infuriated. If he is ignoring me because he’s up some girl’s skirt, I will literally rip his head off and shove it right up his arse.

Later that afternoon I wait and wait for Dean to come back to my message, but when he doesn’t, I go to the appointment alone. I’m sitting in the waiting room with the posters of all these pregnant women and babies surrounding me. A voice deep inside keeps telling me that I should probably get used to being alone, because I don’t see Dean sticking around to play the dutiful father role and support me with this child.

The midwife that is assigned to me, Shannon, does the routine tests and checks and I already know that I’m in the very early stages of the pregnancy but when she mentions that the next appointment will be when I’m twelve weeks along, which will be in nine weeks’ time, it hits me that I’m due back at Uni in six weeks.

I sit there numbly listening to her talk and talk and I can feel the panic growing more and more inside me with every word that leaves her mouth.

My emotions start to suffocate me until I burst into tears. A whole three seconds the midwife just gapes at me stunned, unsure of how to react when I suddenly start sobbing.

“Oh sweetie, are you okay?” She asks worriedly, handing me a tissue and I shake my head taking it from her.

“I’m sorry, I’m just overwhelmed,” I sniffle, wiping away the tears that keep coming. “It just hit me that I’ll be doing this all on my own.” I sob into the tissue. The midwife reaches over and rubs my shoulder soothingly which causes me to cry even more.

“The father isn’t in the picture I take it?” I close my eyes and shake my head.

“I don’t know, he is and then he isn’t. He doesn’t even care enough to be present at the appointment and is likely off fucking his next whore.” I wail helplessly. “Even if he is remotely interested in being around for the baby, he’s a fighter pilot for the royal air force which means he’ll be gone months at a time.”

Shannon’s brows furrow and her mouth forms an ‘o’ while she listens to me venting about Dean.

“What about family?” She probes and I shake my head, angrily wiping away the stream of tears.

“My family are great, but they don’t know yet and I’m terrified to tell them, not only will they be disappointed in me for the mess I’ve made of my life, they’ll pull me out of school and I’ll be stuck living at home with a baby and no career. I can’t take a couple of years out. It will set me back so much and I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am academically.” I cry and she nods sympathetically and rubs my knee.

Shannon’s brown eyes are comfortingly warm when she regards me sombrely, “Sweetheart, I have had many girls just like you sit in that very chair fretting about their future, but they’ve all gone on to become wonderful mothers with successful careers. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not going to be easy, but there are so many support groups out there for young mothers like yourself should you need it. It’s scary and can be very overwhelming, but you chose to keep this baby for a reason, right?” I exhale slowly and nod, the sobs ebbing away until only silent tears roll down my cheeks. “We’re stronger and more resourceful than we like to believe and when you hold that little baby in your arms nothing else is going to matter, I promise you.”

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