Page 69 of When love and Hate Collide

“Hey, can I get a bottle of water and an icepack please?” He asks the lifeguard as he sits me down on an empty sun lounger and kneels in front of me. I lean over, burying my head in my hands. “JJ, look at me.”

I shake my head, wincing when my stomach lurches.

“No, no, I feel sick,” I breathe fighting the urge to throw up all over him, not that I have much in my stomach. The lifeguard comes back holding a bottle of water and an ice pack and hands it to Dean.

“I know you do,” he says lifting my head up and brushing my hair away from my face. “Drink some water.” I take the bottle from him and take small sips until the nausea subsides and my head stops whirling. “Feel better?” I nod, closing my eyes when he presses the cool compress against my cheek. When the stinging eases I peel my eyes open, and I find myself lost in his gaze.

“For someone who claims they hate me you’re awfully attentive, Lieutenant.” The corner of Dean’s lip quirks and he nods.

“I can hate you and still want to take care of you, JJ.”

I close my eyes and sigh, “No, you take care of something you love, and let go of what you hate.” I whisper and he pulls the cold compress away from my cheek and licks his lips.

“Not necessarily,” Dean interjects, “Just because I don’t like you or we don’t get along doesn’t mean I would ever want anything bad to happen to you. I’ve known you my whole life and whether I like it or not you’re a part of it, JJ.”

I chew on my bottom lip pensively and nod, “I know, but I just never imagined us being…” I trail off and gesture between us, “…this.”

Dean takes my hands and helps me up to my feet. “It’s just sex JJ, and we’re pretty fucking amazing at it. Let’s just leave it at that and stop overanalysing it.”

I let go of his hands like they scald me and fix him with a repulsive glare. It’s moments like these that I really want to throttle him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shove him away from me. “You do realise every time wefuckwe’re betraying your sister, right? You might not care, but I fucking do.” I remind him and his gaze hardens, the affectionate Dean from moments ago vanishes and the unyielding bastard I know takes his rightful place. “Oh, and seeing as you’re soamazingat it, how about you go and fuck yourself, you obnoxious little prick.” I shove the compress at his chest and push past him, storming off back to the hotel muttering every profanity I can think of in my wake.

It's just sex? Who the fuck does he think he is

I standstock still watching Jeyla storm off down the beach, likely cussing me out the whole way back to her room, as she does at least ten times a day.

Well done, you dip shit.

Way to go and put your size eleven foot in that one. Fuck me, for the first time in my life, I’m completely and utterly bewildered. I don’t know what to make of my feelings or my actions. Only one thing is clear to me and it’s this unwavering attraction I have for her, and for the life of me I can’t stay away. There’s something drawing me to her, like an invisible force that’s got me gripped in her web and refuses to let up despite my best efforts to break free.

I say she’s mine, but she’s not, and the reality of it is she never will be. Every time I wind up sleeping with her, I feel worse about myself, riddled with guilt for betraying my sister’s trust, but I just can’t stop or quit her.

Jeyla Jenkins is the drug I never knew I needed, and now I’ve gotten a taste of her I can’t give her up. This thing between us is heading nowhere good. Despite what I told her, it’s not just sex and I’m fully aware of that—agonisingly aware—but I can’t allow myself to get sucked in more than I already have. I’m already teetering at the final line and if I’m not careful and cross this one too, these feelings of abhorrence will turn into something much more ruinous. ‘Things’ I have no business feeling for my sister’s best friend, the bane of my very existence.

Which is why I need to keep being a callous bastard to her, let her believe that she’s nothing more than a pastime, a frivolous fuck toy to me. My conscience is screaming at me to go after her, but I kerb that urge. Shaking my head, I make my way back to the hotel, to the safe confines of my room. I could go to the hotel gym again and go a couple of rounds with the boxing bag like I did the previous night—before I somehow found myself at her door at two in the morning and we spent the night hate fucking all over her room.

Whatever thisthingis between us is starting to stretch a little too far out of my comfort zone. I thought after sleeping with her, this sexual charge between us would have vanished, but she is becoming a very bad habit—one I’m finding myself beginning to grow a little too fond of.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding her as I’m sure she’s doing with me. I need some time away from her where she’s not in my face twenty-four seven. Some space to sift through and make sense of all these confounding feelings and find some form clarity to ease the chaos in my head. I went for a long run at the hotel’s gym, pounding every ounce of frustration I’m feeling into the boxing bag. When I’m done my limbs are shaking and my heart is beating like it’s about to rip right through my chest.

It doesn’t matter what I do to distract myself, she’s there, she’s always fucking there lurking in the corner of my mind with her beautiful eyes, those tasty lips I’m aching to kiss and her exotic scent that makes me silly with desire.

If she were any other girl and not my sister’s best friend or the greatest pain in my backside, fuck me there’d be no force strong enough to keep me from her… but she’s not, she’s the girl I’ve despised since that very first day I saw her in that frilly pink dress and her braided pigtails.

There’s got to be a way to get her out of my head. I know it sounds crude, but I don’t sleep with the same girl twice, and I’ve fucked her on three occasions already and something tells me if things don’t change, I’m going to keep going back. I even kissed Rachel hoping it would distract me from Jeyla, but the kiss was flat, lacklustre at best. Not one fucking spark, unlike when I kiss JJ, where I feel like my soul is ablaze and I can’t get enough.

As juvenile as it sounds, do I just bite the bullet and sleep with someone else for the hell of it just to fuck her out of my system? No, sex isn’t the answer. Besides, I can’t even stomach the thought of another girl. I’ll just have to steer clear, we only have three days left of the holiday. Once we’re back home and I’m not forced to see her every minute of every day things will get better.

Right now, I need to stick to the plan, keep being the indifferent arsehole I’ve always been with her and hopefully that will diminish the insufferable chemistry between us.

When I head down to dinner to join the rest, I notice Jeyla isn’t around. My stomach sinks into a pool of disappointment deep in my gut. Twenty minutes later, she’s still not down and I’m burning to ask where the fuck she is, but just as I’m about to ask, Oz beats me to it.

“Where the hell is Jeyla?” he questions, his brows fused as he lifts his pint of beer to take a sip.

“She’s gone out for dinner with that guy she met at on the plane. Uhm, what’s his name...” she clicks her fingers to jog her memory.

“Julian,” Jess pipes up and Ashlyn nods, smiling. My fork halts mid-air as I go to take a bite of my salmon. I stare down into my plate for a moment letting that news sink in.

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