Page 12 of Hot Mess

Two girls in Ishtaria costumes gave me a judgemental once over. For a second I thought I was busted. My little game of how long before anyone recognized me was coming to an end.

“He’s cute enough,” one of them said.

“Yeah, but Nick Sadler really is here somewhere. We need to find him. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

I shook my head. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Take a picture with us anyway. Your costume is pretty good.”

“So is yours.”

They preened at the compliment.

“You should get your picture taken with all the Mithrandes here tonight. It’s like a Lions of Medea con. There are so many. I didn’t think it was going to be such a popular costume. I should have come as—”

“You totally should have dressed like Luca from that other show. What’s it called?”

“Luca?” her friend asked. “But he’s Black. This guy isn’t Black.”

“Have a good evening, ladies.” I needed to get out of that conversation immediately.

I was faced with another bunch of more people. Still no curvy Ishtaria. I did run into a very drunk Mithrandes.

“You’re too big.” He smacked me on the chest and slurred his words.

“And you’re too drunk.”

I skirted another interaction with him and took the stairs two at a time thinking if I got some height, I would be able to spot her from above.

I didn’t see her, but I did see that slime-ball Gabe who Isaac told me to avoid. And I saw Isaac talking to Marci Wolf. She kept touching him, and he kept shrugging away from her. I laughed.

Isaac was a very touchy guy. He loved to hug people and lean against them. If he liked them. The way he reacted to Marci reminded me of school kids trying to avoid cooties. I’d have to find out what that was all about later.

Someone grabbed onto the belt holding my pantaloons up. “Whoopsie. I almost took your pants down the stairs with me.”

The person, dressed as an androgynous grandfather clock, stumbled and sat down hard on their ass. It was probably best, otherwise, they probably would have cartwheeled down the stairs on their neck.

My pants had stayed. “No harm, no foul. You probably want to go down that way.”

They slid from one step to the next with a singsong “wee!”

My pants had stayed up, but the heavy belt was trying to pull everything off. I needed to adjust. The back hall was just as crowded as any other part of this place. The first doorknob I tried was locked. I continued down the hall trying knobs, looking for a room I could duck into and fix everything before I ended up showing my ass, literally.

My hand landed on one of my last options. I heard a scream, with a distinct, ‘let me go,’ on the other side. I twisted and rammed my shoulder into the door. It gave way.

I had found my goddess, and she was struggling with a man. She looked up at me with pleading eyes. He clutched at his groin as if she nailed him. Good girl.

“Get your hands off of her!” I crossed the room and grabbed his wrist, wrenching his arm until he let go of Ishtaria.

“Get the fuck out of here, you cut rate wanna be. You don’t even look like the character. Mind your own fucking business.”

I kept a grip on the asshole’s arm.

“Are you okay, miss?” God, her eyes were huge, the most amazing color of liquid blue, and utterly terrified. She gave me a small nod.

I dropped the asshole and pushed him back, getting him even farther away from the woman. That didn’t last long. With a growl and a lunge, he came at me, hands extended like claws. Without thinking I nailed him with a fist to the face. He went down like a bag of potatoes. A heavy thump, and then he stayed there, lumpy and not moving.

Ishtaria stood there breathing heavily. Her bosom lifted and my brain went sideways. She was fucking gorgeous.

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