Page 113 of Elise.

Not interested in dwelling further into my private life, I turn the subject of the question to him. “And you? Any woman waiting for you back in England?”

Instantly, his lips twist into a smile I haven’t seen before and there’s even some sort of twinkle in his eyes as he says, “Nope, the only one I want is here.”

“Oh, stop it.” I roll my eyes, shaking my head in total disbelief at his bullshit. “You've ghosted me for the past three years.”

To my astonishment, there’s a frown forming on his forehead. “I’m sorry—what?” His tone becomes overly serious and confused. “You told me to never text you again or your dad would get me arrested. I just respected your wish and figured you had moved on or something.”

I stop immediately in my tracks, my mouth gaping in shock at his words. “What are you talking about?” I ask, my gaze facing his again. “Me?” Shaking my head, I take another gulp of my bubbly, trying to tame all this mix of emotions surging through me, while a thought suddenly forms in the back of my mind. “When did I say that?”

He seems to mull over the question before saying, “When I moved to Oxford and asked you how you were doing.”

“That’s impossible,” I tell him, my puzzlement growing at every passing second. “I never said anything like that!”

Despite my louder and shakier voice, Johan keeps his calm and composure, reaching for his back pocket to take his iPhone out. “You definitely did. It was a message that came from your number, and I even tried to call you, and then you blocked me.”

“Johan, that’s not possible,” I repeat, this time slower but still in disbelief. “I’d have never blocked you.”

He shows me his screen, and more precisely, the text message he was just talking about. I check the number of the sender and I instantly gasp as I realize it’s definitely mine.

“What the hell!” Adrenaline kicks in as I reach for my own iPhone inside my purse, ready to show him all the unanswered texts I’d sent him and his unblocked contact. To my surprise, my heartbeat is speeding up as I unlock my screen and start scrolling down through the Messages app.

Then I stop at the texts exchanged withJohan Bentinck, back in 2019, and start searching for the one I just saw on his phone. As I expected, after searching for a while, I don’t find it, so I turn the screen to him, and say, “I didn’t find that text, but I did find all the ones you didn’t reply to.”

Johan takes my phone in his hand and starts clicking around, until he heaves a long sigh, as if finding out something. Something even worse than he thought. He turns the screen back at me, pointing his finger right under his contact details and says, “El, that’s not even my number.”

My mouth hangs open as I try to process his statement. “Wha—what do you mean that’s not your number?”

“The person who blocked me also changed the number on your phone, most likely to receive your texts themselves and make it seem like I’m the one who ghosted you. Look.” He reaches back for his phone, and then sends me a test message and, just like we predicted, I don’t receive it.

I immediately try calling the number I have been texting all this time, hoping somehow to find out who it belongs to, but I land on an automatic voice message saying the number is no longer valid.

“Dammit!” I snap out of frustration. My mind starts fuming in realization that someone made it a point to screw my relationship with Johan. And all I want to do is scream from anger!

But now at least everything makes sense. Johan never ghosted me, he truly cared for me just as I thought! Someone close to me made sure I wouldn’t talk to him until now, though. Could it be my brother? My overbearing and nosy brother blocking my crush in an act of revenge for whatever conflict was going on between us back then? And what about Dan? Could it have been him who helped my brother achieve it? Fuck, fuck, and fuck!

“El, it’s okay…” Johan reaches out and holds me in an embrace to ease the rage I have inside me. “I’m here now.”

Yes, Johan is here, the English boy with his dark blond hair, his beautiful blue eyes, his sharp jawline, and his supernatural gift for horses and equestrianism. But Dan is here too. What am I supposed to do now?

If only I had reached out to his family and tried to check on him before assuming the worst out of him. But I was just too prideful, too hurt to even give it a try.

With my head lying on Johan’s shoulder, his arms around me, I should feel much better, but the truth is I’m lost, torn, and I don’t know what my heart wants anymore.

Johan was my first crush, the man I thought I would lose my virginity to, but now I’m in love with my brother’s best friend. Confronting my past is leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I release myself from his embrace, unable to look him in the eyefor the time being. There’s so much to process, so much to think about.

“Is it too late for us?” he asks trying to look me in the eye, his gaze filled with hope.

I don’t think I have ever had such a difficult question to answer in my entire life. “What are Dan and Andries still doing inside? I’m gonna go check on them.”

When I’m about to leave his side, his question unanswered, Johan reaches out and holds my hand before I can even walk away. “El, wait—”

“I can’t answer you now, Johan,” I tell him, my tone coming off more aggressive than I expected. “After three years without any news from you, maybe it’s too late for us. I don’t know. It’s just all too sudden to answer you.”

There’s some silence between us while I catch my breath and try to calm myself down.

“I still have the shirt you gave me, you know,” he says out of nowhere, causing my eyes to widen in surprise again. Memories of our time together at summer camp start flashing through me and the moment I bought him a shirt because I had accidentally ruined his makes me laugh. “I took it with me to Oxford. It became kind of my lucky charm.”

I remain too moved to talk. Johan, on the other hand, takes a few steps forward, his hand reaching out and tucking a small lock of hair behind my ear like he used to.

“I missed you,” he says, his tone just above a whisper. “Did you miss me?”

He’s dangerously close to me now, but I can’t help looking him in the eye, wanting nothing more than to see how sincere he is.

“I've missed you too.” My eyes are locked on his for a moment, and in silence, I can hear our heartbeats louder thanbefore, while his gaze starts lingering down to my lips—an indication of what he wants.

I can’t do this!

I take a step back, breaking the spell between us. And, in the heat of the moment, say, “I, um, I’ve got to go and check on them.” Johan can’t hide his disappointment at seeing me walking away, but it’s for the better. I truly need to go and fix whatever damage Dan and Andries’s quarrel has already caused. “See you around.”

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