Page 48 of Bound By Temptation

And nothing from Ax—or Raid, for that matter, which was something that just hit me in that moment. It wasn’t just Ax. There were two of them who had betrayed me. No, I shouldn’t feel safe with either of them.

Shit. That made it worse.

“Yeah. You did more than fuck us up, Ax. You humiliated me which led to my torment and didn’t say a fucking word to anyone who called me a whore, knowing that wasn’t me. That I had zero to do with your little tape. You were a coward, and I lost respect for you.”

His eyes closed slowly, and I wished I could hear what was going on in his head. His eyes slowly opened. “I know. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. That isn’t even a strong enough word for it. I should’ve handled every step of it so differently. I didn’t. Forever my greatest mistake is shutting you out.”

I pulled out of his grasp and moved to the other side of the island, putting some space between us. Being that close to him wasn’t helping the anger and frustration. It kept growing with each word that was spoken.

Hated to admit it, but he was right. We needed this. Needed to get everything that happened out and close this chapter of our lives. I always wondered why he chose to let me swing. Why he allowed the entire school to believe I was a whore. Why he never said a single word to solve it. That hole never healed. Maybe doing this would make that part of me not hurt as much. Maybe it could heal and finally give me peace.

My gaze met his.

"Do you even understand how teenage girls’ minds work? We’re preprogrammed to think everything that happens to us or around us is our fault. We should’ve, would’ve, could’ve changed the situation. Do you know how many times I laid in my bed not understanding how you could tell me you love me one day and then throw me to the wolves and out like trash the next?”

The pain of that teenage girl filled my heart, and for the first time in a really long time, I allowed it to open and bared my soul.

“Crying,” I spoke without hesitation, “I cried until there were no more tears, and then somehow I cried some more. That was all I did for what felt like forever. Picked apart every little thing about myself wondering what I could have done differently. Whatever a teen mind could throw at me, I thought it and felt it. The biggest was I wasn’t experienced enough sexually. With what I was accused of, that one hurt. You were my only. How could I get anyone to believe me over you? Like, you wanted your freedom to go off and screw everything that walked, fine. I get it. I wasn’t enough—that was the bottom line. I got your message loud and clear when everyone told me how you were fucking anything that was warm. I was just the little virgin girl who gave you everything. Heart. Soul. You were the boy who took it all and left me nothing but shamed and destroyed.”

“Indie, you’re beautiful. It had nothing to do with you.”

My head shook. “You’re so full of shit! It had everything to do with me. You let the entire school think I was in a threesome with you and Mr. Baker!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, making Gizmo bark. The rage inside of me just poured out. It was a switch I had no control over. “You didn’t deny it. You egged it on. Pushed it to the point I was so humiliated I didn’t attend graduation, just left Sumner! If you wanted more, all you had to do was tell me. Tell me that what we were doing wasn’t enough for you. Why add to my heartache with the embarrassment, humiliation, and defeat? Why, Ax, just why?”

“Please.” He started. “Just listen.”

I let out a haughty laugh. “Don’t feed me some line, Ax. You could’ve stopped that shit at any time. Told the school it wasn’t me. But no, that video went to fucking everyone in the school. The girl had her back to the camera the entire time, so there was no way of proving that it wasn’t me. And you, or Raid, or whoever in the hell were having a hell of a time. If you wanted to have sex with her and the teacher, fine, but to cheat on me and let everyone know about it and think it was me … you’re a special brand of cruel. You’re a fucking asshole, Ax!”

“Raid was being blackmailed by Mr. Baker.”

This gave me pause, but I was still burning red. I remembered all the times I would tell myself it wasn’t him. I watched the video over and over, wondering if I was that bad in bed or if my mind was simply wishing it wasn’t Ax in the video but his twin brother, Raid. I convinced myself I was being naïve and desperate to say it was Raid. I made peace with his betrayal of me because Ax never once denied being in the video. If he wasn’t the dude on the screen, then surely he would tell the world and save me the heartbreak.

He didn’t becauseit was him? My head pounded, and my palms were sweating as all the unresolved emotions built inside me, adding to the tornado already swirling around me.

“Mr. Baker had some pull with the club that we didn’t know about. It was just enough power, we came to find out, to cause issues with the club. Since Raid had already started a flyby with that fucker, it put Raid in a fucked up situation when he tried to pull out of it. We were young and fucking stupid.”

“This makes no sense. All you had to say was a teacher had sex with a student and get Mr. Baker canned,” I retorted. “It would’ve been over! He would’ve been gone, and my life wouldn’t have been ruined!”

His head shook. “Not how things work unfortunately.”

“I’m losing you here. Why the hell was I brought into this! If this was between Raid and Baker? It had nothing to do with me!” At this point I was yelling because this bitch was pissed the fuck off.

“No, not at first. When Raid tried to pull out of fucking him, Baker decided to get collateral on Raid to keep his mouth shut. Baker set up the camera and found the girl who had similar hair as yours. He taped Raid fucking the both of them and told Raid that if he didn’t continue their fuck-a-paids, he’d say it was me and you on the tape fucking Baker. It was the only reason that Raid took his shit for so long. He was trying to protect us from this recording getting out.”

I huffed hard, not hiding the bite in my tone. “Since we all know the tape went out to everyone, why the hell didn’t you say something then? Why did you go along with it? Why didn’t you say it wasn’t me because you sure as shit knew it wasn’t me or you for that matter. Yet you allowed me to think it was you!” Fire burned my veins. I’d wanted the truth, but fuck it wasn’t easy to hear any of this.

“Had to at the time. I couldn’t let my brother hang in the wind for that shit. Yes, he fucked Baker. Yes, it was on tape. But Baker was playing hardball. The best thing for us to do at that time was call Baker’s bluff to get Raid from under his control. See if Baker would follow through on saying it was us or Raid. As fucked up as it was, it took away his power in the play.”

Could one’s head actually explode?Because right now it felt like a strong possibility. “Why? Why destroy me? Ignore me. Turn your back and walk away without a word!”

“It was how we had to play it for a few weeks until we came up with a game plan. Had to get the club involved and get out from under Baker’s thumb. Fuckin’ so sorry you got dragged into this. I tried to get you out as soon as I could. You heard that, right?”

My lip tipped in a snarl as if this helped at all. “Oh yeah, I heard. Months later when I was hundreds of miles away from my family and school was out, so your clarification fell on deaf ears. No one really wanted to believe the truth, even when you told it. The farce y’all created and went along with for months was the better story. Great timing, by the way, after I was already gone. Too little too fucking late.”

“Having everyone turn on you wasn’t what I’d thought would happen, but once it did, I couldn’t stop it. I had to protect Raid and the club.”

“So you left me swinging. Great. Good to know.” I grabbed the half empty bottle of wine on the countertop and took a healthy gulp. Fuck it. Setting it down, I reached for the cabinet under the island and pulled out Jack Daniels and a bottle of Jim Beam.

Not getting a glass, I unscrewed the top of the bottle of Jack and took a heavy swig. It burned all the way down but didn’t erase the pain that was threatening to take me under.

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