Page 2 of Dangerous Desires

The thought of her husband standing up to her and telling her “no” set her on fire. She longed for him to dominate her and take control of their relationship. But instead of making her dreams come true, Kent looked away and turned his eyes back down to the newspaper, not saying a word.

Birgitta’s heart sank as she realized today wasn’t the day he was going to suddenly turn into a strong-willed man. Looking at him, she wondered if he was made of dough. How soft could a man be? Why wasn’t he telling her it was inappropriate for her to dress like this?Did he not care? Did he not love her anymore?

“I’m leaving, then,” Birgitta said sullenly. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Kent didn’t reply. He continued reading his newspaper, ignoring her completely. Birgitta snatched her keys off the small table beside the door then made her way outside into the fresh air.

*

Birgitta stormed toward her car as she wrapped her coat around her body, desperately trying to keep warm. Once inside, she blasted the heat as high as it would go. Birgitta pulled out of their gravel driveway and began the long, slow drive out of the forested area they called home. The dirt road wasn’t maintained properly, leaving big potholes and cracks in the dried, frozen dirt.

The car slipped all over the ice, losing traction over and over. As she drove over bumps and lumps, she felt her underwear rub against her nub. The vibrations of the car didn’t help her arousal, either. She felt herself becoming wet, her juices seeping into her underwear. Birgitta could only grip the wheel tightly as she drove, trying to concentrate on the road in front of her.

She turned her attention to her husband in order to distract herself from what was going on between her legs. She thought back, trying to remember when it was that Kent had stopped lusting after her. Was it when Julia was born? Was it after that, when they started to age? Was it when Julia left the nest to attend university? Had they been slowly growing apart over the years and just never noticed?

All those thoughts troubled Birgitta. Once upon a time, she’d been so helplessly happy in her marriage. Where had those days gone? She missed the feeling of being content with life. Searching for happiness was so tiring. All the time she was thinking:will this make me happy? If I do this thing, will it better my life? Will it get me to where I want to be?

With all the ice on the roads, it took Birgitta almost forty-five minutes to reach the city. She drove around trying to find an empty parking spot. Everything was full. As she drove through yet another parking garage, she glanced at the time on her dashboard.

Almost two,she thought and anger settled into the pit of her stomach. She was going to be late. If she didn’t find a parking space soon, her girlfriends would probably finish up and leave without her.

Finally, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed an empty spot in the corner. She shoved her foot down on the accelerator and swerved into the spot before anyone could steal it. By the time she was finished paying for the ticket, it was almost quarter-past two. Grumbling to herself, she rushed out of the parking garage and made her way out onto the city sidewalks.

The shoes she’d chosen looked fantastic but they pinched her feet every time she took a step. Walking fast only made it worse. When she saw the cafe in the distance, she let out a sigh of relief. A plume of misty breath floated out of her mouth and into the air. The glass front of the building shined out onto the street. People were gathered together in the large, leather seats, drinking coffee and eating baked treats.

As she approached, she searched for signs of her girlfriends. It wasn’t until she pulled the large glass doors open that she saw her friends. They were sitting at the very back of the cafe, huddled together and laughing.

All of them were wearing black, as usual, and all but one of the girls had their hair tied back into a tight ponytail. With their blonde hair and blue eyes and similar clothes, the girls looked like sisters. Birgitta knew better, of course. They only looked similar because they weretryingto look similar. Standing out from the crowd was always frowned upon.

Birgitta sidestepped the counter and headed straight for her friends, pulling her coat off as she walked. When they noticed her, they set their coffee cups down on the table between them and let their eyes drift over her body. A shiver rolled down Birgitta’s back as she saw their disapproving looks.

“You’ve really outdone yourself today,” Sabina said. She was the oldest of the group, at forty years old. Gray hairs had just started to sprout on her temples, making her hair look dull. By now, she’d had three children and always looked ragged. Deep, dark bags lined the space beneath her eyes and her thin lips were always pulled down at the corners. Sabina had always been bitchy, with a snarky, sarcastic tone of voice. These days her attitude was getting worse.

“It’s . . . a wonderful dress,” Olivia said, her dull, blue eyes unable to look away from the tight fabric around Birgitta’s thighs.

Olivia was the most gentle of the girls, the most willing to appease. With her soft, round face and her pudgy frame, she looked just as cuddly as she was. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and tried not to pass judgment. Birgitta was closer to Olivia for this reason—she never looked down on her for her decisions, even if she thought they were inappropriate.

“Looks cold,” Alexandra snapped. “Did you not look at the weather report before you left home?”

Birgitta knew Alexandra’s words came from jealousy. She’d just gone through a break-up with her long-term boyfriend, and Birgitta could see why he’d left. Not only was she a total bore, but she was ugly to boot. With her hair tied back so tightly, her pronounced cheekbones and jaw had her looking like a horse.

“Be nice,” Olivia warned.

Sabina turned to look out the window. Alexandra did the same, with a hint of sadness in her eyes. Birgitta wanted to reach out and grasp her friend’s hand but decided not to. It would only make everything worse for Alexandra. Being overly emotional in public wasn’t approved of, either.

All of them had cinnamon buns on plates, half-eaten. A pot of coffee was in the middle of the table, still steaming. Birgitta lowered herself into the last free seat then crossed her legs, careful not to flash her friends. Sure, they were rude to her sometimes, but Birgitta knew that was just from insecurity. Being told not to stand out from a young age was hard to break away from, especially if your family was intolerant.

Despite their differences, they always met up once a month to enjoy a coffee and cake break or, as they referred to it, afika. It was a tradition that all Swedes enjoyed, where friends and family would take a break from the daily grind and sit around, drinking and eating together. The tradition was so ingrained into society that every job had fika breaks. Colleagues could blow off steam and relax for twenty minutes every day.

Birgitta always found this tradition troubling, though. Living her life loud and proud wasn’t easy, especially when the disapproving glares from strangers never ceased.

The girls continued their conversation—talking about Sabina’s children endlessly as she moaned about how tired she was—Birgitta didn’t involve herself.

She sat, listening, as her friends tried to support one another. It was a nice thing to see, but Birgitta couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t support her. She was just like them, only a brighter, more vibrant version. Knowing that she was an outcast made connecting with people so much harder. The loneliness she felt only increased after every fika they enjoyed together.

“What about you?” Olivia asked, drawing Birgitta out of her own thoughts. “How’s Julia doing?”

Birgitta smiled at the mention of her daughter’s name. “She’s doing great,” she said. “Enjoying university.”

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