Page 4 of Only Just Begun

Mandy spoke in a way that suggested she’d thought carefully about her word choice. Ted knew a few people who could take a lesson from her in this.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Mandy. It’s really annoying.”

“I really am sorry. It’s just the way I am. It’s hard to change what you’ve always been. I know, believe m-me, I’ve tried.”

She’d surprised him; he’d never heard her speak that way before. Open and honest.

“I don’t buy that.” He decided he’d be the same. It was well past time this woman entered the world. Ted had no idea what the hell had made her the way she was, and wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He had enough demons of his own, he certainly didn’t want to take on anyone else’s. “If you want to change, then take steps to do that.”

Her laugh held no humor. “You don’t think I’ve tried?”

“We all have reasons to want to hide, Mandy. All have things in our past that have tested our strength. It’s about how you rise above them.” He tapped her forehead gently. “Be strong in here. Don’t let the past dictate who you are anymore.”

“You sound like one of those blog posts I read continually.”

“They haven’t worked.”

She sighed again. “I know.”

Ted didn’t know why she’d chosen to speak like this with him, now. Especially considering they’d been uncomfortable with each other since he’d kissed her. But he went on gut instinct because from the start he’d seen a little of himself in Mandy. She’d been hurt deeply, but unlike him, she hadn’t fought hard enough to rise above the pain.

“I-I don’t know how to change, Ted. I’ve lived this way for so long now, I’m just comfortable being in the shadows.”

“I don’t think so. If you were comfortable, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”

“I’ve tried to change.” He heard the frustration in her voice now.

He looked at her, wondering if he should say what was inside his head.

“But do you want to… really?”

Ted had always had to be strong. It was that or be molded by his family and everything they stood for. He didn’t usually have time for people who didn’t take control of their life. Excuses weren’t something he had time for either.

Strangely, he felt different about Mandy.

“You live in this town, with your aunts, and from what I can make out it’s a good life. So, what’s stopping you from changing?”

Even in the dwindling light he saw the color in her cheeks that his words had put there. Anger was a real emotion, and Ted was pleased to see it.

“I’m asking you again, Mandy. Do you really want to change?”

“Yes…. Damn you, yes!” Her brown eyes fired up at him.

The force behind those words surprised him, and her.

“I hate who I am.” She was more subdued now. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“Sometimes it just feels right?”

“I’m not sure why it would be right with you.”

At least she was honest.

“Let’s move on from that kiss, okay?”

She nodded.

“So, let me get this straight. You want to change from Mousey Mandy, but don’t know how to?”

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