Page 47 of A Reason to Stay

I felt my hand cover my lips as I listened, her voice low and almost monotone as she made her confession.

“Your father has been seeing another woman for several years. He has three sons with her. I don’t know why he hasn’t divorced me, honestly,” she said harshly. “I think it’s because my father is still in office, and it would look bad on him. I think he’s paying him to stay married to me.”

I was completely speechless. I had half-brothers out there somewhere? My dad was having an affair with my mom? I knew my grandpa was a rich businessman and mayor, but we didn’t have much of a relationship other than him sending me birthday money and Christmas presents once a year.

The revelation about my father didn’t make sense. “But… you know what he said about my sons, right? He told me I should have aborted them, mom. That’s what he said to me.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah. If he always wanted sons, why does he hate his grandsons so much?”

“I don’t know, sweetie. I really don’t know anymore.”

We were both quiet for a few moments, the mutual hurt seeming to tie us together more than any of the hugs or pep-talks she’d ever given me in the past.

“Do you regret it,” I asked softly.

“Regret what?”

I could barely whisper. “Me.”

She answered immediately. “No.”

I swallowed a few gulps of air, and stood up straight, wiping my eyes. “Okay, mom. I have an idea.”

My mother and I spoke for another hour. I confessed everything that had happened between Andrew and me, and about the recent revelation I’d had after Marcy’s explanation. As much as I wanted to stay, I knew if I didn’t get out when I had the chance, I’d never leave. And this was the right chance—the right excuse—for me to take.

We decided she would start looking for an apartment under the guise of me moving back home, and that she would help me look for jobs. Then when I moved back, she would movein with me and help me care for the boys. We could both work part time, I could start going back to school, and eventually, we’d land on our feet.

My dad was going to be livid. We’d have to figure out how to move her out when he was out of town or busy. Maybe we could do it while he was with his other family.

Because neither of us deserved to be living with people who didn’t actually want us around.

I was cleaning when Andrew got home. I knew I looked horrible. My eyes were bloodshot and my face was blotchy. They boys were in their play pen screaming for milk. I heard Andrew come inside, the door shutting softly behind him. Jacob and Matthew’s screams turned to cries of delight, and I felt my eyes burn.

How much would they miss him? How much would I miss him?

I could see Andrew in my mind’s eye. He would unlace his boots and throw his wallet and keys in the basket by the door like he did every evening when he returned.

“Now boys, you have to be good tonight.” I could barely hear his quiet voice.

I was torn. Part of me wanted to let him come up behind me, wrap his arms around me, and let him “deal with me” the way he’d threatened earlier in the day. But the other part of me hated that it felt superficial.

The phone rang and I picked up right away. “Hello?”

“Honey, I found something. Melanie and her husband want to rent out their vacation home in AC. They’d let us rent it for a good price. It’s close to campus.”

“Their house is really nice, isn’t it? I worry the boys will break something…”

I heard Andrew’s slow, steady footsteps behind me. My heart turned over painfully.Please don’t touch me,I thought.Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.

“I’m sure we’d pack up all their nice things. It’s four bedrooms. Plenty of space.”

“Okay. I heard from Gretchen, too. She said she was putting feelers out for me for jobs.”

Andrew’s footsteps stopped.

“We’re going to make this work, honey. And… thank you. Thank you for… well.” She took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

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