Page 88 of The Shadow Gods

“What?” I asked.

“Everything is better with you.” He leaned down to kiss me and slipped out of me. Warm wetness seeped between my legs, and he froze. “Leo.”

In my post-orgasmic haze, it didn't hit me. “What?” I asked. I yawned, covered my mouth with my hand, and repositioned my legs. That's when I got it. “Oh.”

He sat back, the covers I hadn't even realized we’d gone under bunching around his waist. “Leo. I'm sorry.”

A little flare of panic ignited in my stomach but died just as quickly. “I'm not on birth control.” In fact, I hadn't taken it at all once I arrived in England. The pills sat in their little pink case in my bathroom back at Oxford.

“I can't get you pregnant,” he said. “But I should have been more careful.” He slid next to me, propped his head on his hand, and trailed his fingers down to my stomach. Pressing his palm there, he sighed. “It's not an excuse.”

“If you can't get me pregnant, there's nothing to worry about. I'm clean, but it's as much my fault as yours. I got caught up in the moment, Pollux. I could barely remember my own name.”

He chuckled and leaned down. His warm lips pressed against mine for a long moment. “Me too.” Leaning back, he pulled a pillow under his head, then held out his arm in invitation.

I scooted closer, resting my head onto his chest, and draped an arm around his waist. “How do you know?” I asked.

“Know what?”

“That you can't get me pregnant.” Achilles had said the same thing. It made me wonder, jealously, if there were women in their past they may have tried to—ugh.I couldn't even think about it. They'd lived thousands of years, but those unknown, unseen women might have been important to them. “Was there someone else? Were you married at some point?”

He laughed. “No. Paris and Hector are the only ones who have been in love. And Hector was the only one who had a family. I've never been married, and I've never wanted to be.” He cleared his throat, and his arm tightened around my shoulder. “I have been with other women. I've lived a long time. But I've only loved you, Leo.”

“Really?” I asked. Thousands of years was a long time to be alone or not find someone who was your match. Granted, I hadn't found anyone until them, either, but I wasn't in the same league they were.

Stop it.I shut down that voice before it could get too loud. It was easy to fall back into the place where I ripped myself to shreds. Pollux loved me. He'd told me, and he'd shown me. If I was enough for them, I had to be enough for me too.

“Really,” he replied. “Years passed by in a blur. Nothing mattered, and we were just trying to get through one day after another.

"We trapped the gods and had to learn to live with each other. At the same time, being together drew the attention of others—mortals—and so we'd have to move apart. I know I was with women, and I'm embarrassed to say this, Leo, but I don't remember their faces, let alone their names.” He was quiet for a while, stroking my arm with his thumb. “What about you? Was there ever anyone serious?”

“No.” I turned my face to press a kiss to his chest. “I wasn't a virgin, but there was no one special. No boyfriends.”

“No fiancés?”

“No,” I replied. “Once I got to Harvard, all I cared about was work. I went on dates, thinking I should because that's what everyone did, but they were pointless. I hated making small talk. Hated kissing someone who I felt nothing for because it was expected. Finally, I stopped saying yes, and accepted that I had something missing. Maybe I wasn't the sort of person to be loved.”

He didn't answer for a long time. “What do you mean, kissing because it was expected?” His arm was tight around my shoulders, and I suddenly realized how tense he was. “Did someone hurt you? Push you?”

“Not in this life,” I replied, because once, someone did. “With you, things are different. I want you. I love being close to you. But before you? Everyone repelled me. It didn't matter how nice or good-looking they were. They weren't for me.”

He shifted to wrap both arms around me. “No, they weren't. And no one else was for me. Maybe that's why I can't remember them. There's only you. Past, present, future.”

I lifted my head, propping my chin on my hand to stare at him. “Do you mean that?”

His green eyes held mine. “More than anything. You're it for me, Leo. I would burn this world to the ground for you. And one day, I'm going to tie you to me in all the ways of gods and men.”

I stared at him, processing his words. He meant them.

“Do you understand what I mean?” he asked.

I nodded. Scooting forward, I kissed him, slipping my tongue past his lips to touch his. He pushed a hand through my hair, holding my face so he could deepen the kiss and groaned. “You'll be my wife.”

His wife.Was that my future? It felt right. I drew back to study him. “I want that. A family like the one I never had.” A family made up of people who chose to be together and who valued and respected and loved each other. Smiling big, I couldn't hold his gaze any longer and buried my face against him.

“What?” He chuckled and his chest vibrated with the sound. I put my hot cheek against his skin and shook my head. Fisting my hair, he gave a light tug until I lifted my head again. “What?”

I bit my lip. “I'm happy.” It sounded silly, but it was true. There was no better word for what emotion was coursing through my body. Hope and excitement and anticipation. “I'm happy.”

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