Page 107 of Our Forbidden Romance 1

I stay on the floor, sobbing for the next ten minutes before pulling myself together. I need to leave because Ezra might show up. Slight chance, but it could happen.

I clean the mess on the floor, tossing it in the trash, but keep my sim until I can take my numbers off it and then it will be thrown out too. I wash my face and fix my hair before heading for the front door, leaving my happiness behind. It is all surreal, like a dream, as if none of it happened.

I scan the room, sighing before exiting and closing the door behind me. I made sure it was locked before walking away. I feel sick to my stomach as I do. How did we get to this? A week ago Ezra and I were planning our life after Bella, and now, I am probably not even an afterthought.

I fight back my tears, not wanting to have a meltdown in public. Lucy is at her place waiting for my arrival. It shouldn’t take me long to get there. I will walk in with a fake smile, pretending everything is okay and I am not a mess, because I don’t want to bring her down. She doesn’t need me moping around her apartment.

* * *

It is two in the morning, and I am walking the streets. It is freezing, but I couldn’t sleep. I snuck out when I knew Lucy was asleep. It is better than lying in bed, crying myself to sleep. Lucy gave me a cell she had lying around to put my sim card into, but there still hasn’t been anything from Ezra.

There has been so much spinning around in my head on my walk for the past hour. I conclude that I need a fresh start. Away from here, away from my past and anyone from it. I am going to save money and move. I haven’t decided where yet, but Scotland is at the top of my list. No one knows me there or will find me there. I want to get as far away from here as possible.

I find a bench, taking a seat a strong feeling of loneliness overcomes me. I hug myself, shuddering with the coldness. It is time for me to get myself together, find a way to heal and find my happiness. I thought Ezra and I could do it together, but fate had other ideas for us. I genuinely hope Ezra finds a way on his own to heal, and I am sure having a baby will help with it.

It starts to rain heavily, but I don’t move. I stay put. I close my eyes and let it fall on me. Something is refreshing about it. A smile grows on my lips for the first time in a week. The rain reminds me of the night when Ezra searched for me and found me on the street ready to make a run for it, and he told me how he felt.

If someone had told me back then I would be sitting here alone tonight, I wouldn’t have believed them. I let my tears fall again, mixing with the droplets. I want to scream and let some of my emotions out, but I can’t because there are houses around, and I don’t want to wake anyone up or cause concern.

As much as I would like to stay here for the remainder of the night, I should probably head back. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but I won’t hold my breath.

I was supposed to be planning a life with Ezra, not a life on my own. I shouldn’t have ever let my guard down because it always ends up the same way. I should have continued to keep my heart guarded, and from now on, I plan on doing exactly that. I don’t think it could handle another heartache, not like this.

Perhaps I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to get involved with a man who was already taken. I walked away without even having a conversation face to face with him. It makes me feel like a coward, but I didn’t have much choice.

I will never stop missing Ezra and loving him. He is the first and only man I will ever truly love. You don’t get over what we had easily, if at all.

I need to focus on myself now, because I am all I have.

I feelterrible for not speaking to Alana for over a week. I haven't done it on purpose, but it has been hectic. I have been attending appointments and a scan with Bella. I saw my baby on the screen and heard its heartbeat. It was amazing! I am already in love with the little one. Bella has been extra needy, but I haven’t complained once because the least I can do is take care of the woman who is carrying my baby.

She never mentioned Alana, and I didn’t bring it up. It wasn’t the time or place. We have had other things on our minds. We told our families, who were over the moon. Though, the downfall is they are more eager for us to get married now. It isn’t going to happen. My feelings for Bella haven’t changed. I still don’t want to be with her. I want to be there for her and my baby, but nothing more.

Alana is the one for me, and I am determined to find a way to have it all without causing any pain or drama.

Bella is out to lunch with a couple of friends to celebrate. I’m on my way to see Alana. I won’t be surprised if she slams the door in my face. She has tried calling and texting, and I should have found a moment to reply. Alana deserves better than me ghosting her. Hopefully, she can forgive me.

I enter her building and head to her apartment. I was going to knock but decide to use my key. At least she can’t shut the door in my face. I take a couple of deep breaths as I check the handle, but it’s locked so I use the key to enter.

“Alana. Bright eyes, are you here?” I call out. The nervousness in my voice is evident.

There is no response. I know she isn't working or at class today, so unless she has nipped out for something, I have no idea where she could be. I walk further into the apartment, but don’t see her. I sigh. I really hoped she’d be here because I only have a couple of hours before I need to be home. I guess I will need to wait.

I stroll to the kitchen, planning on making a coffee, but something catches my eye. Alana’s key and an envelope with my name on it. I suddenly become sick to my stomach as a horrible feeling takes over me. I reach for it but hesitate before I pick it up, dreading what is in it.

Surely, she hasn’t left? My heart starts to race in my chest, and I rush over to her closet, opening the door I see it’s empty. I check the drawers, and they are the same. All her things are gone.

No! She can’t do this! She can’t leave me! She promised me she wouldn’t. I feel like someone has put a knife in my heart.

I race back to the kitchen. Grabbing the envelope I rip it open. I unfold the sheet of paper and start to read.

Ezra, my love,

This isn’t how I wanted things to end between us. I didn’t want things to end between us at all, but it would seem the universe has other ideas for us.

I waited and hoped you would reach out, but when you didn’t, I realized the best thing for me to do was disappear. You have your baby to focus on now, and I am so happy you are going to be a dad, Ezra. I really am. It might sound selfish of me, but I can’t sit on the sideline and watch you have a family with Bella. I wish things were different and that it was us starting a family or at least planning one, but it isn’t. We can’t change that. You are going to be an amazing father, Ezra. I don’t doubt it. The three of you should try to be a family because it is what you deserve. It is what your baby deserves.

It is killing me writing this letter to you. My heart breaks more with each word. I will never stop loving you, Ezra. You are my first true love. You gave me so much in the short time we were together, and I am grateful. I will be forever grateful.

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