Page 132 of Across an Endless Sea

I stay frozen in place, staring at the city. I don’t move until Prae reappears clutching two large packs and the commander’s sword.

“Snap out of it,” she orders, taking one look at me. “We need to get camp set up while we figure out our next move. At least this place is sheltered…”

“Next move?” I murmur. “What next move, Prae? What’s left? Waiting to die?”

“We’re all waiting to die, idiot.” She dumps the packs beside me. “It’s what we do beforehand that counts.”

I’m not really aware of time passing, but it must have, because she’s got a fire going by the time I speak again.

“You should’ve stayed.”

“I wasn’t welcome,” she retorts.

She clearly was. The knight commander practically asked her to.

But there’s no point arguing with her. “So now what?” I ask. “Elatha will have us both strung up by our entrails if we go back to the camp.”

Prae scoffs. “I’ve been sneaking food from those fancy palace kitchens, so we’ve got enough to last us a few weeks. If our drakes haven’t been discovered, they’re probably an hour’s walk to the north at most.”

That doesn’t answer my question. Does she want us to wait here until I die? I stare along the empty ridge. It’s all right. Not the battlefield where I always envisioned my life ending, but I suppose it will do.

“The coronation is tomorrow,” Prae continues. “Then they’re leaving for Marlen.”

“Marlen?” That’s a village on the southern border of Elfhame.

“It’s the traditional first stop on the Nicnevin’s procession around the courts. We’ve got until Rose leaves Elfhame for you to make up your mind.”

My ass hits the dirt as I stare at her. “Make up my mind?”

Prae meets my eyes with her one good one. “Are you going to work your ass off and earn a place by her side? Or are you going to spend the last six months of your life hunting her down for your father?”

Forty

Rhoswyn

Idon’t make it up the first staircase before Bree lands in front of me in a flurry of inky black feathers.

One shuddering breath passes. Then another. He says nothing, and I’ve just resolved to march past him when Kitarni appears behind me, clutching her side.

“Nicnevin,” she gasps. “Rose, I’m sorry.”

I have no idea what to say. Emotion has glued my tongue inside my mouth, and my throat closes up the more I stare between her and Bree.

I’m still crying, and I hate myself for it, which just makes the tears flow faster.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kitarni asks, finally. “If you had any doubts, if you’d said…”

“I wanted to be a good queen,” I retort, hugging my stomach. “You all said it was the only way. You know how this world works, not me. What was I supposed to say when the most qualified people in the realm were all in favour of the plan? I thought… I thought it was what a real Nicnevin would’ve done. It would’ve brought peace, and maybe I could’ve learned to live with whatever happened next…”

Kitarni grabs both of my arms. “If you’d said you didn’t want to, we would’ve found another way. If you’d so much as whispered you were uncertain…”

“But I shouldn’t have been,” I protest. “Maeve would’ve just got on with it…” Even Titania has the kind of grit to do what needs to be done.

But I don’t. I failed.

Now everything is a mess. Caed is out there, free to go back to Elatha and cause hell for the fae again. He’s able to track me and lead his father’s men right to us. As long as I don’t die, Danu won’t even punish him for my recapture.

“You are not Maeve,” Kitarni growls. “Or Mab, or Titania, or even your mother. You are Rhoswyn, sent to us by Danu exactly as you are;becauseof who you are.” The high priestess pulls me into an unexpected hug. “All you need to do to be a true Nicnevin is follow your gut.”

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