Page 42 of Stay with Me

One of his brows rose as though he didn’t understand what she was asking.

“Why would you want to marry me?”

He dropped his attention to his pottage. “You are beautiful and desirable and intelligent and kind. What man would not want to have you?”

“But why you?”

“I am but a man.” His voice was full of insinuations.

She wasn’t a prude, but she suddenly felt as though the temperature in the room had increased by twenty degrees. She wanted to fan her face, but she kept her fingers wrapped tightly around her spoon.

“While I may have needs,” Nicholas spoke hurriedly, “I have no wish to become like my brother, who uses women to feed his lusts. Instead, I should like to be a decent and respectful husband.”

Did he not consider that a woman might also have needs? That a marriage could be mutually satisfying? Obviously, she didn’t have a great example of that with her parents’ marriage, but she’d witnessed others—like Harrison and Ellen—who reveled in a beautiful love and passion together.

“To that end,” Nicholas continued, “I would not pressure you to share the marriage bed—until you are comfortable, and we have developed mutual respect and caring.”

So, he was telling her they would spend time getting to know and love each other after they wed? Wasn’t that what dating was for? Or courtship? She wasn’t up on the customs of the Middle Ages, but she guessed that couples had limited opportunities to spend time together and entered into marriages for many reasons other than love. Even so, this proposal was hasty. The entire conversation was absurd.

“I have always wanted children and a family of my own.” His voice turned soft. “But over recent years, I could not imagine being with any woman...” He fell silent and his expression turned contemplative.

She had no trouble guessing the direction of his thoughts. “Except for her.”

He nodded. “I have not considered the possibility of another woman until...” He shifted to look at her, and the intensity of his gaze made her breath snag in her chest. He lifted a hand as though he would caress her face, but then reached for his mug instead.

A dozen questions and concerns swirled together and demanded answers. If she was honest with herself, she’d longedto have a family of her own too. Now that she’d lost Dawson, the need pulsed within her even more acutely.

But she couldn’t possibly consider staying, getting pregnant, and having children in 1382. What would happen if she woke from her coma in the present day? Or if she died? She wouldn’t want innocent children to suffer the loss of a parent on account of her. She already knew how painful that was.

“Why now?” she asked. “Why not wait and spend time getting to know each other first?”

He took a sip of what appeared to be watery beer. “Regrettably, your reputation was tarnished after we stayed together last night. When the men return shortly, they will tell tales and word will soon spread.”

“Does that matter?”

“Even without such tales, ’twill be difficult enough for the women to accept you, even if Beatrice takes you under her wing.”

“Then they’re shallow.”

“They would forgive us if we right the wrong we have done.”

“But we haven’t done any wrong.”

“They will not see it that way.”

“I’ll work it out.” Even though she was hungry, the conversation was taking away her appetite.

“You have no home, no protector, no means to survive. I shall offer that to you.”

“I’m independent and can fend for myself.”

“And where will you live? How will you earn money for food?”

His words gave her pause. She hadn’t thought too far ahead, had only considered finding the holy water and placing it in one of the hiding places. But how would she survive while doing so? He was right that she would have no way to buy food or pay for lodging. Even if she searched for temporary work, women didn’t hold jobs or have professions in the Middle Ages the same waythey did in modern times. She guessed some women partnered with their husbands in a family business. But as a single woman alone? What could she do?

“You will have no recourse but to take to the streets of London selling your body.” His tone turned gruff. “And I would lock you up and make you my prisoner before I let that happen.”

Even if he was right, surely she didn’t have to rush into a marriage. There had to be other options. “What about living with one of the families here in the village and assisting them?”

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