Page 89 of Moon Tamed

“I’m going to need a lot more than ‘Mr. Stephans wasted thirty dollars to apply glitter to his son in a morale boosting activity’ if your goal is to debase yourself.” I shooed him away. “Please go back to work. If I go into your office in thirty minutes and find you goofing off, you will be dealt with.”

“Haven’t you shot me in the chest enough times for one day?”

“No.”

“You’re ruthless. You should put my lack of foresight in the report. I hired you without realizing you would use your ruthlessness to keep me in line.”

Somehow, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. As he had lingered beyond the typical five minute grace time, I picked up my paintball gun and shot him in the chest again, although I missed his heart. “Go away. I need to get work done before I’m tossed to the wolves.”

“I think you’ll be perfectly safe from the wolves. At worst, you’ll get nuzzled into submission. You were supposed to be tenderized, sat upon, and generally initiated in an exhausting fashion, but you decided to be a player rather than the played. It usually takes several hunts to get the new babies okay with the idea of having fun at work.”

“I think my brother is being played enough for the both of us.”

My boss laughed. “The last I checked, your brother was trying to hide under someone’s desk in a fruitless effort to escape being hunted again. He has certain regrets right now. He’s being a good sport about it, though. It would not surprise me if he ends up being taken on a bunch of pity dates, as he’s trying so hard when they do catch him and throw him into the maze.”

Goodness. “They’ll eat him alive. I wonder what I’ll tell my parents.”

“I’ll just tell them he fell valiantly in battle and is being tended to by amorous young women.”

“That’s going to land him with a severe case of married. I’m not sure he’s ready for that level of tending.”

“I think he’ll be fine.”

“I am having some serious doubts about that, Mr. Stephans.”

“He said the same to me the last time I saw him. He almost made it to my office before he was captured and dragged back to the fifth floor for his next event. I’m surprised you didn’t investigate the ruckus.”

I pointed at the sleeping parrots, who had been making a fuss and cursing me for my refusal to set them free to add to the chaos. “They were yelling. It’s nap time, and yelling time is scheduled in a few hours. I’m sure they’ll get the rest of the crew riled up once they’ve recovered from their morning excitement.”

“And how is your flock settling?”

“The parrots are mouthy, want out of their cage forever, and they don’t like being told no. The rest of the crew is nesting, which means I get told off when I provide them with their next meal. It’s a war zone in here. Calden is the best behaved of the lot, and that’s only because he decided to sleep during his well-earned day off.”

“I like that you acknowledge that my son is not well behaved when he’s awake.”

“He is your son, after all.”

Calden’s father clutched at his chest. “I have been mortally wounded.”

Sometimes, the only response suitable for the poor behavior of grown men involved shooting them repeatedly with a paintball gun, and I ran the first gun out of ammo and was well on the way to coloring his back completely blue by the time he escaped my office. “And I get a point for every one of those hits, sir!”

Maybe I wouldn’t escape the Hunters of Moonriver with my sanity intact, but at least I’d go out having a good time.

TWENTY-ONE

You’re feathered menaces!

Somewhere down the hall, my brother squealed for mercy. I checked the time, determined he’d suffered enough for one day, and said, “Capture that foolish brother of mine. We’ll flee to your SUV once you’ve shifted, and I will deliver him to my parents. If we’re lucky, they’ll feed us while scolding us for having tortured Peter in cruel and unusual ways.”

Calden huffed, a sound I learned meant disgruntled acceptance of my command, and he trotted out into the hallway. A moment later, he let out a loud bark, startling every bird in my office. The songbirds settled in to glare at me for daring to allow a wolf to bark anywhere near them.

The parrots screamed at me, using their shrillest cries.

“Are you still mad I didn’t give you an entire banana for lunch?”

“Yes,” the birds chorused.

Why had anyone thought it had been a good idea to make me responsible for wickedly intelligent parrots? Oh, right. After pranking my parents with a peacock, more doves than any two humans needed, and generally doing my best to give them gray hairs, I deserved my fate. “I will see about bringing you an entire banana tomorrow, but that’s only if I can find one.”

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