Page 73 of With All My Heart, Joy

“Forgive me, please.” Ben held out his arms as his eyes overflowed, and Joy moved into his embrace, her eyes too blurry to see.

“Only if you forgive me, too.” When she pulled back, Charity was there, her eyes also wet.

“I’ve prayed for this moment since Ben and I were dating,” she said, bouncing Azalea on her hip. “It tore him up more than he will ever tell you.”

Joy wanted to beat herself up about it, but instead, she chose to let it go. As a sixteen-year-old burden lifted from her heart, she had never felt more light or joyful.

“Friends?” She stuck out her hand, and Ben laughed, put his hand in hers, and pulled her in for another hug.

“Forever. You’re stuck with me forever.” Funny. Those were the same words he’d used once upon a time to describe Joy being unwanted. In this context, the meaning was totally the opposite. “Now, how about we finish that dance?”

They had hardly taken three steps when their mom rushed up, their dad coming at a slower pace as she waved over her shoulder for him to hurry up. “Is everything okay?” Mom put a hand on Joy and Ben in turn. “We saw tears.”

Ben looked at their mom, something like heartbreak on his face. “I told Joy when she was six years old that none of us wanted to have her.”

“I’ve held it against him ever since,” Joy said. “And we just forgave each other.”

Mom held clasped hands to her lips. “Oh, thank you, Lord. You’ve hidden your issues very well, but I’ve picked up enough to know something was off.”

Joy turned to her mom. If she were to move past this, she had to know, regardless of how badly it hurt. “Was I really an oops?”

Mom smiled. “If you mean your father and I weren’t trying for another, then yes. But there was never a moment I regretted you.” She ran a gentle hand over the hair Joy had coaxed into barrel curls with a curling iron. “You were the child God knew I needed when I thought I had enough already. He proved me wrong.”

Joy pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, but a sob popped out, her emotions overflowing. “Then you did want me?”

“Very much so. It took some adjusting, naturally. I thought I was done having kids for six years, then…surprise! But the best kind of surprise, sacrifices and all.” She gave Joy a tender hug. “I wouldn’t undo that pregnancy for anything in the world, my sweet Joy.”

Joy clung to her mom until her dad nudged his way into the embrace. “Can a man get a word in edgewise around here? For the record, when your mother said enough after Lucy and TJ, I wanted to try one more time. I wanted another girl. So I got my way with you, Joy.”

She threw her arms around her dad. He would never understand how much his words meant to her. “Thank you.”

Lucy and Silas appeared, and then TJ joined the crowd with Melody. An enormous family hug ensued, and the photographer came running to catch the candid moment and then stage a few more.

As Joy stood basking in the love of those dearest to her heart, not stopping to take a selfie for her Instagram feed or shoot a perfectly crafted video for one of her channels, she realized something. Ever since she was a teenager and started her first channel, she had tried to use social media and the online audience that came with it to fill a hole inside her that it never could. Only God could, and her family was a close second. She mattered to God. And now she knew with complete certainty that she mattered to her family. And that was enough.

When she got home after nine o’clock, she squinted in the semi-darkness at something red leaning against the bottom of her door. She’d forgotten to leave the outside light on, so only the streetlight offered some illumination. Was it a package of some sort? She stooped to pick it up. An envelope. No return address, but the handwriting of the single word, “Joy,” that adorned the front was all she needed.

It was from Isaac.

Her hands began trembling so hard, her nerves warring with blind hope, that she had trouble fitting her key to the door lock. At last, she crashed through the door, slamming it behind her. She tore at the envelope like a crazed animal, not caring that bits and pieces of red paper showered all over her clean floor. Why was Isaac writing to her again?

Dear Joy,

I couldn’t let this day pass without letting you know how much you mean to me. What happened with your live feed the other day was unfortunate but not insurmountable. I would love to talk about it if you are ever open to it.

Joy, the past week with you in my life was a dream come true. I believed for the last ten years that I did not deserve love. When I met you and fell for your sweet, candid personality and the depth of care you possess for those around you, I couldn’t resist. It’s almost as if God saved you for me all those years. I finally see that he gives good gifts to his children, regardless of the mistakes they have made. You were the best gift he gave me since Paisley. I’m glad he decided I deserved you both.

When you told me you loved me, I didn’t have the opportunity to respond. I never thought I could love a woman that fast, but I had never met you. I love you so much, Joy. I want you to be a part of my life forever. Paisley loves you, too, and asks about you endlessly. You stole her heart right along with mine.

Whatever you decide, I wish you a merry Christmas, a happy new year, and all the love life has to offer, my love included.

From my heart to yours,

Isaac

Joy sank onto the couch. Isaac loved her. He’d loved her then, and hestillloved her. After she’d caused him humiliation, censure, and hurt. He wanted her, now and forever.

“God, what do I do?” she whispered. The lights were out. Her computer was off. Her phone was silent. She wouldn’t rely on Christmas cheer, social media, or fake friends as her solace. She would rely on God alone. Was it too much to accept that he had personally gifted her with a counselor to stand beside her in life?

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