Page 53 of With All My Heart, Joy

“You hooked up again,” Joy said quietly beside him.

His breath expelled in a puff. “Yep.”

“And?”

“We didn’t date. She was too damaged by her husband to want anything to do with commitment. She just wanted the comfort of a sexual relationship. I was all too happy to provide that and relax in the comfort of not worrying about getting hurt again. I knew I could lose my license if I was discovered, so I did stop counseling her. But I didn’t stop seeing her.”

He tilted his head back against the headrest, remembering the shock of what came next. “When she told me she was pregnant, it rocked my world. I realized, very fast, the direction I was headed. I remember calling my mom, crying, and telling her everything.” A strangled chuckle scratched from his throat. “She told me it was time to put on my big boy pants, ask God for help, and do the right thing. I asked Alison to marry me. But she refused. I told her I would fully support her and the baby in any case. But I had to hide the whole thing from my coworkers. No one knew I had a child on the way. It was very stressful. I worried constantly that someone would find out what had happened and I would lose my job.

“I don’t know how the screening missed it, but we had no idea Paisley had Down. The delivery room became icy quiet when she was born, and when I looked at her face, I knew why. Alison took one look and started sobbing. It hit me heavily, too, but I told her, ‘It’ll be all right. Things are different now than they used to be. She’ll have a better life than you’re thinking.’”

Bitterness filled his throat, so sharp he couldn’t swallow. “I didn’t know she wasn’t thinking of Paisley. She was thinking of herself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I helped them both settle into the postpartum room and offered to stay for the night, but Alison said no, go home. Since we weren’t married or planning a life together, I didn’t argue. I went home, eager for some sleep, overwhelmed by the fact that not only was I a dad, but I was also a dad of a special needs child. It was a lot to take in. Around four in the morning, my phone rang. It was the hospital calling to tell me that Alison had left.”

“Left?”

He closed his eyes, remembering the numbness that had flooded his body as the nurse told him over the phone. “She snuck out, leaving a note that she wasn’t able to care for a Down child. If I wasn’t willing either, the hospital could put her up for adoption.”

Joy gasped. “Oh, Isaac.”

“From that moment, I’ve been a single dad, raising Paisley on my own.” Oh, the sleepless nights, the panic, the complete overwhelm he had experienced for weeks on end. The fortune he had spent on childcare in all the years since.

“You never heard from her again?”

“Never. I didn’t try to find her. She’d made her choice. And I made mine to keep Paisley and give her the best life I knew how.” The hardest decision he’d ever made. He hadn’t regretted it once.

“Was that hard?”

His voice went hoarse at the memories. “So hard. Down kids tend to have a lot of physical issues when they are young. Paisley had breathing difficulties early on, and open heart surgery when she was one. It was constant worry, constant stress, constant questioning if I had a clue what I was doing, if I was strong enough to do it—and hold down a job.”

“I can’t imagine.” The compassion in her sweet voice made his heart squeeze with fresh longing for her. Why must Joy Halverson be such a treasure? “How did you end up in Silver Lake City?”

Moving here was probably the next best decision he’d made after keeping Paisley.

“While Alison was pregnant, I had been applying elsewhere because of my worry that my job would discover what I’d done. Once Alison was out of the picture, I broadened my scope to anywhere in Michigan. I applied to jobs in Grand Rapids, hoping to be close to my mom. But it was Silver Lake City where I got an interview, and that’s where I came when Paise was two months old. I didn’t join Living Hope until a year later after I renewed my faith.”

Joy was quiet. Isaac’s windows were fogging up from the warm breaths they created in the car, and he switched on the defrost.

“What brought you back to your faith?”

His life wasn’t perfect, but he had so much to be thankful for. “Paisley. She had terrible colic, and the only thing that calmed her sometimes was riding in the car. I spent many nights burning gas driving the country roads of western Michigan. One such night, I was way out on Washington Avenue, where it turns into the state route. There’s a church out there.”

“I know it. The old stone church on the hill.”

“That one. It was almost midnight, but a light was on in the church. On impulse, I pulled into the parking lot. Paisley was passed out in her infant seat, so I disconnected it and lugged it with me. I felt like a crazy person dragging my sleeping baby to the doorstep of a church in the middle of nowhere in the black of night, but when I turned the doorknob, it was unlocked. I sat in the sanctuary and couldn’t stop crying. I asked for God’s forgiveness for all the mistakes I had made that led to that point. I made that church mine from that day on. I still go there every Sunday.” And God was good, so very good, to give him the life he had.

His shoulders relaxed at last, his story over. “That’s…that’s what happened.”

“I guess I know why you have that rule about not counseling anyone you know,” Joy said after a moment of silence.

Isaac suppressed a groan. “I’m sorry for making a mess of that for you. I had a bad feeling from the start that it wouldn’t end well.”

She still made no move to leave the car. “Why do you like me?” she whispered, her voice as soft as a feather.

His stomach tightened, and he leaned toward her, unable to see her face. “Because I can’t find any reason not to,” he whispered back. “Because you are funny and beautiful and brave and talented and…” He remembered something she had written in one of her cards. “Don’t ask me to pick a favorite trait. I’d need ten Christmas cards to list all the reasons I like you, Joy.”

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