Page 47 of With All My Heart, Joy

A large number, compared to hers. “My followers would think I’m nuts.”

“Do they have a say in how you live your life? Only you get to decide that. You and God. Have you prayed about Isaac?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of praying lately based on some things Isaac said in counseling. But I haven’t prayed about him specifically.” Because she’d made up her mind already.

Lucy rubbed her back. “I wish you didn’t have to lose him as your counselor. He was good for you, Joy. So good.”

He was. And she missed him.

Disturbed by the honest thought, she stood up. “I need to do some work before bed. I have a lot of good videos planned this week. Time to get cracking.”

Maybe if she stayed busy enough, she would stop thinking about Isaac.

* * * * *

On Wednesday, Isaac’s last client of the day canceled. He left the office early and drove straight to Target. If he didn’t get Paisley’s Christmas presents soon, he wouldn’t have many options left. Christmas would be upon them in ten days. He was woefully behind on Christmas shopping. Not his favorite activity. Too bad he couldn’t take Joy with him. If she loved Christmasandshopping, Christmas shopping must be an all-time favorite.

It had been one week. One week since he’d watched Joy walk out his front door and, for all practical purposes, out of his life. But she’d lived in his thoughts every day, all day long, and in his dreams at night. It didn’t help that he tortured himself by watching her channels. She had posted a lot of new content. Was she managing her stress and depression? All he could do now was pray for her. And beg to get over her.

If Paisley would stop asking about her, he might have a fighting chance.

“Mrs. Randall?” He banged through the door with hands full of bags an hour and a half later. When he ran a little late, she got Paisley from the bus and waited with her at home. He’d given her a spare key to his house the first year he lived here when Paisley was still a newborn. That woman was a God-send, no questions asked. “I’m back.”

Paisley emerged first from the direction of her room. Her eyes grew when she saw the shopping bags dangling from his hands. “What’s that?”

“Christmas secrets.”

“Show me, show me!” she squealed, dancing a jig.

“Not so fast, cupcake. You can’t see yours until Christmas morning, but I’ll show you what I got for Grandma and Grandpa and for Auntie Rose.”

Paisley’s eyes scanned his bags as if searching for movement. Or for a puppy to thrust its head out the top of a bag. She hadn’t forgotten her request as he hoped.

“I saypuppy, Dad.” She slapped both hands to her hips and stomped off.

Mrs. Randall patted his arm with consolation as she picked up her coat. “She’ll forget all about it when she gets other things on Christmas morning. Don’t worry.”

He wasn’t so sure.

Paisley refused to come out of her room for dinner. Considering the smell, he didn’t blame her. Joy’s leftovers were long gone, and they were back to survival fare.

While his food cooled, he checked the mail. His breath expelled in a rush. Joy had sent him a letter. His heart pounded as he opened it and read it.

Sweet Joy. She deserved the best man this world could offer. Not him.

He set it aside, unsure if he would write back. What was the point? She was keeping the air clear between them. A kind and smart thing to do. But that was all there was to it. He meant nothing to her. Well, maybe he meantsomething. Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough.

Isaac stood outside Paisley’s closed door after choking down what he could of the three-bean soup he’d attempted to make. How come a guy with a Ph.D. couldn’t follow simple online instructions? He must have lost track of how much water he put in the pot. Most liquidy soup he’d ever eaten.

“Paise? You know anyone who’d want to go ice skating with me tonight?”

The door flung open two seconds later. “Me! Me! Me!”

He tapped his chin, feigning deep thoughts. “But you didn’t eat dinner. We have a rule.”

She threw her head back and marched out the door, feet slapping the whole way. “Fiiiiine. I’ll eat.”

He didn’t believe in cruelty, so he’d already set a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the table for her. “Dress warmly when you’re done, and we’ll go.”

---