Page 33 of With All My Heart, Joy

But…he was much older than her. And her counselor. Which made this weird. Way too weird.

“Okay, well.” She pushed herself off the wall, interrupting him in the middle of a sentence. “See you…Mr. Miller.”

Chapter Nine

Isaac didn’t know what had spooked Joy. But as he watched her move to the opposite side of the room with lightning speed, he was afraid it was him. Had he been too transparent? He didn’t see how. They had only talked for a few minutes. He hadn’t even complimented her on her appearance, though the words burned what felt like a literal hole in his tongue.

Why had he sought her out? He had just finished preaching to himself about his need to stay away from her when he saw her with her brothers. After that, no force on earth could keep him from checking on her.

Ben may not have wanted much to do with his kid sister as a teen. Isaac remembered those days. When he was thirteen and Rose was a one-year-old, his mom used him as a babysitter. It could get annoying. But that never meant he didn’t want his sister. And Isaac could tell Ben definitely wanted to smooth things over with Joy. But if she didn’t tell him what the problem was, there would be no restoration.

Why did he care so much? Counselors equipped their clients with tools and bade them farewell at the door. They hoped for the best, but their job was not to ensure their clients did as bidden. Isaac could see he was personally too vested in Joy’s outcome. Painful—and awkward—as it would be, he would put an end to their counseling and help her find a new counselor. He must.

Pushing a smile to his face, Isaac looked around. Guests were leaving. The reception would follow in two weeks. His duties for the day were over. Silas had a limo waiting at the curb to take him and Lucy straight to the Grand Rapids airport, destination Tahiti. It was tempting to slip out the door unnoticed. No one was watching him. Joy had disappeared, intentionally.

A barb of pain pinged dully in his chest. Of all women in Silver Lake City, why had he developed feelings for Joy Halverson? For ten years he’d guarded his heart like the deepest dungeon on earth. When he finally let down his defenses, he fell for the last woman who would want him.

Joy was young. He knew exactly how young. She had her whole life ahead of her, a clean slate without mistakes. She could do with it whatever she wanted. She had fame and followers. Her choice of any man. A life unfettered by complications and special needs children. She was not the woman for him.

But his heart needed some time to catch up with reality.

“Hey, I’m going to head out.” He put a hand on Silas’s shoulder. “I need to check on Paisley.”

Silas gave him a look that was entirely too discerning. “Running away, are you? I thought I was the only person who pulled such shenanigans.”

Isaac tugged at the bowtie around his neck. It was strangling him. But he wouldn’t lie in his friend’s face. “I’m being smart, end of story. Enjoy your honeymoon. Don’t miss me too much.”

Silas’s face cracked into a real smile. “I’ll be much too busy for that.”

“I’m sure you will.” Cruel jealousy spiraled through Isaac. Silas had been through a nightmare with his ex-wife. He deserved this opportunity to love and be loved. But did he know how lucky he was? Most people didn’t get a second chance like that. Especially those who didn’t deserve one. Like Isaac. “Have fun, okay?”

He drove home in silence and parked in his garage before walking next door to pick up Paisley from Mrs. Randall. Sometimes the grandmother watched Paisley from his home, sometimes from hers. She had laundry in progress when he needed to go, so her house it was.

“Paise?” He knocked on the door, then plunged his hands into his coat pocket. It was below freezing, and puffy snowflakes were drifting down around him. “I’m back.”

His daughter clumsily launched through the door as soon as Mrs. Randall opened it, nearly plowing him over.

“Dad, Dad! I miss you, Dad!”

He swung her in a circle, her feet off the floor, as Mrs. Randall fussed about the coat she’d dropped on the living room rug. As Isaac set Paisley down, gazing into the joyful, round face that shone at him with an abundance of love, he reminded himself that this was where he belonged. He and Paisley were a team. Always had been, always would be. No need to change that.

Be grateful for the good you have, Zak.It was his Mom’s voice in his head. And he was grateful—because he knew he didn’t deserve the goodness already in his life, let alone more.

Like Joy.

Pushing aside the fruitless longing, he helped Paisley into her coat, tugged gloves over her pudgy hands, and walked her home to another dismal dinner. He needed to take her out for some real food soon. He usually treated her to her choice of a restaurant after church. The rest of the week they went into dietary survival mode. Tonight was baked potatoes, semi-uncooked, with a side of overcooked broccoli.

Good thing he was better at counseling than cooking. Although, if Joy knew the feelings that swirled inside him whenever he was around her, she might disagree and give him an F on both. As he remembered her grumpily asking for an F on her homework, a grin begged for release. Instead, he groaned and slammed a dish into the dishwasher.

He had to put a stop to this.

That night as he put Paisley to bed and coached her through her prayers, he bowed his head and added a silent one of his own.

Help me be content, God. Help me be content with what I have… And let go of what I can’t have.

Sighing deeply, he pressed a kiss to Paisley’s forehead. He was in the hallway when her voice called after him.

“Dad? Did you get my Christmas present?”

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