Page 4 of With All My Heart, Joy

“This week? That’s huge. That’s a lot to be dealing with all at one time.”

He didn’t think she knew that? She was responsible for her rent, groceries, and utilities for the first time in her life. And she didn’t have a regular paycheck to depend on. She was at the mercy of algorithms and nameless viewers who thought they were her best friends. She was at the mercy of herself to constantly do better, deliver stronger, offer more.

“Wow.” Mr. Miller shook his head slowly. “You’re the first full-time influencer I’ve counseled. The pressure must be immense.”

Joy squared her shoulders. “It is. But it’s worth it. I worked hard to turn a dream into reality.”

“I don’t doubt that. All the stress aside, what’s your favorite part about your job?”

“My beauty channel.”

He looked lost. “What does one do for a…beauty channel?”

“That’s such a man question.”

He spread his hands as if to saywhat else would I be?

“Mostly makeup tutorials. I get a lot of free products from sponsors in exchange for reviewing their products. It’s super fun, but Heaven help me if I say the wrong thing or, oh my goodness, get a pimple. The trolls go crazy in the comments.”

“Does their negativity affect you?”

“I try not to let it, but…”

“But you’re human. Of course it does. Okay, here’s a question, and I want you to answer honestly. When you’re depressed, how do youknowyou’re depressed?”

She didn’t need to think for long. “I lose interest in things I used to love. I have no motivation. I have to force myself to go through my routine, and it feels so incredibly tiring. I cry a lot. Everything feels dark and ugly. Pointless.” Her voice turned hoarse as she spoke, emotion rising to choke her until she could say no more.

The room was quiet until Mr. Miller spoke in that same, indefinable tone—not soft, not gentle, but soothing nonetheless. “Have you ever considered taking your life?”

Tears she hadn’t realized were filling her eyes now spilled over in a massive torrent down her cheeks. “Don’t tell Lucy or Silas,please. My family already worries so much, and they’ll go crazy if they know.”

“Everything we discuss in this room is fully confidential. I legally can’t repeat a single word to Lucy or anyone else, okay? And I wouldn’t do that to you.”

She sniffed and took a shaky breath, tugging another tissue from the box. “Okay.”

“How deep have those self-destructive thoughts gone? Have you thought of various ways you could end your life?”

“No. Just had the thought that I wish I hadn’t been born, I’d be better off not existing, stuff like that. Not that I’d seriously do it.”

“That’s good. Such thoughts are normal for what you’re going through. You’re not crazy.”

“Thank you. Most of the time I think I am.”

“You’re not. I’m the professional on the matter.Dr. Miller, remember?” When he flashed her a smile, she smiled back. “What have you done so far to cope?”

“Besides crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head?”

His lips twitched. “Ideally, yes.”

“If I can muster the energy, I go for a walk or do yoga.”

“Exercise is a powerful natural antidepressant, so I commend you for that.”

Pride floated upward inside Joy at his simple words. “Thanks.”

“Anything else you do when your mood starts to spiral?”

She thought, then asked coyly, “Ever heard of retail therapy?”

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