Page 35 of With All My Heart, Joy

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Joy had no idea what Mr. Miller meant. His face was gray, as if he’d received bad news about a loved one. “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”

His masculine hand reached to massage his forehead, his throat emitting a slight moan. “Zak Miller. The Christmas card guy. The one you’ve been writing.”

“What?” The word squealed pitifully from her mouth. Zak was Mr. Miller?

“I just realized it when I saw your address in your file. I take it you haven’t gotten my latest reply. I answered your question about what I do for work and told you my legal name. I’m surprised neither of us said something that tipped off the other before this.”

He was rambling, and Joy was still stuck in process mode. She’d been writing to Mr. Miller all along? She’d been hoping that something serious would happen with…Mr. Miller?

She found him attractive and easy to talk to. But she didn’t think of him likethat…did she?

A wave of dizziness passed over her, and she closed her eyes.

“If you don’t believe me, here’s my handwriting.” She could barely focus enough to see the slip of paper he passed her. But it was sufficient to confirm his words. Not that she doubted him. He was too shell-shocked to be making this up.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said at last into the silence.

“Me, neither,” he mumbled, staring at his lap.

Joy gazed at his profile. His face was downcast. Zak had been hoping for something more with JJ Hall. Was he disappointed to find out who she really was?

“Is Zak a nickname?” she asked, trying to make sense of how they had ended up where they were. “You know, I-saac?”

He grunted a pathetic half-laugh. “I wish it were that simple. When I was in middle school, I was the shortest kid in class. So short that the kids in my Sunday school took to calling me Zacchaeus.”

Joy shouldn’t laugh, but she was unable to stop herself. She needed the comedic relief from this awkward setting anyway. “That’s terrible. And from church kids, no less.” There was the bullying he had referred to in one letter. ThatZakhad referred to. How were they really one and the same?

His face lifted with a rusty smile. “It caught on, and even my mother began calling me Zak. She and my sister are the only ones who still do.”

If his mom had referred to him as Isaac, surely Joy would have suspected the correct identity from the first letter. If only…

She looked at Isaac. There were so many things she could say. But the only thing that came out was, “You grew eventually.”

Her words seemed to catch him off guard. Laughter burst from his mouth, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “Indeed I did. But the damage was done.”

He truly had a fantastic smile. It was ironic that she’d been dying to know what Zak looked like, and she’d known all along. He was heart-stoppingly handsome.

“Did you have braces, Mr….?” Her voice died away. Now she didn’t know what to call him. They were so far beyond formalities, and yet, he was still her counselor. And pen pal. And...who knew what else he wished for. She was pretty sure she knew.

Her stomach did a measured roll, a cartwheel in slow motion.

“I did have braces,” he replied. “Then they called me ‘Tacky Zaki.’ ”

“Rough childhood.”

Pain shuttered his face instantly, raw and visceral. “You have no idea.” And he wasn’t talking about orthodontics, she could tell. He sat for a long moment, immobile, before launching to his feet. His face was indecipherable as he laced his fingers together before him in a professional manner.

“In light of this revelation, I think it best if I stop counseling you, Joy.”

The words caused pain to travel in a straight line across Joy’s chest, slicing her heart in half. She understood, she did, but…she kind of needed him. Like, a lot.

“Are you…are you sure?”

The dark brown eyes that met hers were vulnerable. He could keep his feelings out of his face. But the eyes said it all. “I was already planning to tell you at the end of our counseling session today that it must be our last.”

Then it wasn’t only because of their anonymous correspondence. It was because he already felt something for her. Something he knew was inappropriate in a counselor-client relationship.

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