Page 59 of The Poison Season

It wasn’t that he’d never been attracted to someone before. He was a young man; sometimes it felt like he was attracted to everything and everyone, whether he wanted to be or not. And yes, he had imagined what it would be like to someday be married to someone he loved, like his mother and father. But it had all been theoretical before.

Now it was thrillingly, dangerously real. And he didn’t know how he would make it another minute, another hour, another day without her.

As the daylight slanted through the windows of the cottage, moving with agonizing slowness across the floor until it had faded entirely, Jaren finally accepted that Leelo wasn’t coming. He told himself it had nothing to do with him; she’d had more chores than she realized, or, like him, she hadn’t slept last night and had overslept this morning. There were plenty of perfectly reasonable explanations for why Leelo hadn’t come. But his anxious mind insisted on conjuring more and moreunreasonable explanations, mostly centered around her not liking him as much as he liked her.

By the morning of the third day, Jaren’s concerns had turned more practical. He’d been out of food since the first day, and now he was completely out of water, too. The interior of the cottage had grown musty in the humid summer heat, and Jaren knew he couldn’t put off bathing one more day. He couldn’t stomach his own stench, let alone imagine subjecting Leelo to it, if she ever returned.

He’d stripped down to his britches at some point yesterday. Redonning his reeking pants and tunic was a visceral experience he didn’t care to repeat. He grabbed the small knife Leelo had left for him and his empty waterskins, then headed into the woods.

Finally, Jaren admitted to himself that he was angry. Leelo knew he was completely dependent on her. It wasn’t his fault he was trapped on this island, that he had no way of finding the boat or fixing it. He liked being helpless as much as he liked being trapped in a hovel for days on end. Even if Leelo was mad at him for one of the thousand reasons his brain had conjured—the one he kept coming back to being that he was a terrible kisser—it was no excuse to leave him to starve to death.

He stewed the entire way to the pools, having imaginary conversations with Leelo, crafting the perfect thing to say when she finally did show up. He already knew he’d forgive her the moment he saw her. And deep down, he still believed there was a perfectly good explanation for this. He was being selfish, expecting too much of her. But anger was a more comfortable emotion than fear. Better to believe she was punishing him than that something bad had happened to her.

He was already stripped out of his filthy clothing when he reached the pools. With a quick glance around to make sure he was alone, he dropped into the water, relishing the feel of it on his sticky skin. Almost immediately, he began to feel less irritable.

He allowed himself a few minutes to soak, but he knew he couldn’t linger, even if Leelo was right and people rarely came here. Rarely wasn’t never. Naked, he climbed out of the pool and took his clothes downstream a way, not wanting to wash his clothes in water that might be used for bathing or drinking. Leelo had brought him a little chunk of soap to use on his body and clothing, and he gave himself a cursory sudsing before thoroughly scrubbing his tunic and pants and rinsing away the soap in the stream.

When he’d finished, he wrung the clothing out and laid it out on the rocks to dry, then filled his waterskins and glanced around for something to eat. He’d gotten so desperate yesterday that he’d picked a few petrified crumbs from the smashed strawberry cake off the blanket and sucked on them until they disintegrated. There were more berries now than the last time he’d been here, but he ate them as fast as he picked them, leaving himself with nothing for later.

He looked up into the trees and spotted a red squirrel with impressive ear tufts, blithely grooming its bushy tail and chittering away as if it knew he had no way to catch it. A deer who had been watching from the trees eventually established he wasn’t a threat and made her careful way to the pond to drink. He knew that even if he’d had a bow with him, he wouldn’t have the heart to kill her.

With a sigh, Jaren settled for some wild asparagus and chanterelle mushrooms that he would have been far more excited about if he’d had a means of cooking them. With his clothes mostly dry, he headed back to the cottage, trying not to think of the long, hot night awaiting him.

When he reached the cottage, he froze. The front door was wide-open.

He knew he had closed it when he left. He remembered it distinctly because he’d had an argument with himself about whether or not he should leave it open to let the place air out. In the end, he’d decided that he didn’t want to risk any snakes or insects finding their way into the cottage while he was gone, or worse, one of those bird-eating roots, though he hadn’t seen anything like that happen since he first arrived.

So if the door was open, it could only mean that Leelo had finally come back.

Looking back on his mood of just an hour ago, he couldn’t believe how ridiculous he had been. He hadn’t known Leelo long, but she’d already put her own safety on the line for him multiple times. She wasn’t someone who would just abandon him for no good reason (and no, he told himself, a lackluster kiss was not a good reason). He had needed food and water. Cleaning his clothing and himself had washed away any lingering worry. All he wanted now was to kiss her and forget about the last three miserable days. If she wanted to kiss him, that was.

With his heart somewhere in his throat, Jaren hurried the rest of the way and ducked into the cottage.

It was empty.

Jaren’s heart plummeted to his stomach. Not only was Leelo not here, but he must have missed her by mere minutes. Was it possible she’d gone to the pools to look for him on a different trail? He set his food on the table and backed out of the cottage, fully prepared to return to the pools if it meant seeing her.

But when he turned around, there was a different girl staring at him. She cocked her head and placed her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed with clear suspicion, and asked, “Who the hell are you?”

Chapter Thirty-Six

Leelo’s heart ached for her little brother with every beat. She worried about her mother whether she was gone for one hour or five. But not being able to go to Jaren, knowing that he was waiting for her, was driving Leelo mad.

It wasn’t her fault. After the festival, with Sage so clearly miserable and their mothers in a silent battle no one would explain, she’d had no chance to escape. She spent her entire day off doing Sage’s chores in addition to her own, watching in misery as the sun sank lower and lower behind the treetops, dragging her hope down with it.

All day, her stomach had been roiling, either with butterflies at the memory of kissing Jaren or with dread at what awaited her cousin. Sage had been so upset she hadn’t even gotten out of bed that day, though she managed to get up for her Watcher duty the day after.

Still, Sage refused to leave Leelo’s side, insisting that they walk everywhere together, even to see Isola. Leelo felt like a traitor for wanting an hour or two to herself so she could sneak away, but she was worried sick for Jaren. He might be able to fill up his waterskins, but what was he going to eat? She told herself he was nearly a man, that he could take care of himself for a few days in her absence. But knowing that even if he was all right physically, he would think she’d abandoned him, made her throat ache with unshed tears. Because there was nothing she wanted more than to be with him.

On the afternoon of the third day, when Leelo thought she might actually explode if she didn’t get away from Sage and the house, she told her family she was going to visit Isola. And by some miracle, Sage didn’t offer to go with her.

Leelo raised a questioning brow. “Are you sure you’ll be all right here?” she asked, afraid to get her hopes up in case Sage changed her mind.

“Will I be all right?” Sage scoffed. “Believe it or not, I can take care of myself, Leelo.”

There was a strange relief in Sage’s gruff response. If she was well enough to be snarky, then she was at least a little better than she’d been the past two days. Leelo couldn’t get Sage to talk about Hollis. Saints knew she’d tried. But she also knew she would never make Sage talk about something she didn’t want to, and Leelo was worried that she was making things worse by bringing it up all the time. Sage had six months before the wedding; maybe she just preferred not to think about it till then.

Before leaving for Isola’s, Leelo went to check on her mother. She was out in the yard, weeding the little vegetable garden she tended in the summer. It had gotten rather unruly this year, considering how little Mama had felt up to the work, but today she looked healthier than Leelo had seen her in months.

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