Page 50 of The Last Strike

Asher pressed his hands against a tree trunk, trying to catch his breath. He knew he was spiraling, but he didn’t know how to stop. And he knew he’d reacted poorly with Abi—he should’ve talked to her like an adult rather than walking out and slamming the door.

“Cigarette?”

Asher’s head snapped up to James Thomas, who had apparently appeared out of thin air. He stood holding a packet of cigarettes.

“I don’t smoke,” Asher said.

“I don’t either,” James said, taking one and lighting it.

“Yet you’re smoking,” Asher said, desperately trying to reel in his snarky tone. He’d already done enough damage with it.

James shrugged. “Sometimes it takes the edge off.”

Asher raised an eyebrow. He needed to take the edge off. He needed something. He pushed off the tree, straightening. He looked around hesitantly—he didn’t like that his security team saw him in such a vulnerable state.

But as Asher looked around, he realized they were alone. It appeared that way, at least, but they must’ve been close by.

Asher sighed heavily, taking a cigarette. He lit in and inhaled, enjoying the burn.

“See?” James asked as he put the packet in his pocket.

“See?” Asher echoed, looking through the gap in the trees to the view of Santina. Square buildings made up the city, but the Bennetts had a view past the city to the desert and beyond. Asher realized that, from this section of the garden, they had the best view of Santina—better than the royal palace, even. He shouldn’t have been surprised by that.

He walked toward the fence, stopping only when James said, “Unless you fancy getting electrocuted, you might want to stop there.”

Asher looked down and then along the fence. He couldn’t see anything, but he didn’t want to find out the hard way either.

James came to stand beside him. “Do you feel like you’re responsible for their deaths?”

“How else am I supposed to feel?” Asher asked, his gaze straight ahead. His city. His kingdom.

James was silent a moment. “How many people live in Patmos?” he finally asked, looking over the city.

“Four million, give or take,” Asher replied, sure James already knew the answer.

In his peripheral he saw James nod. “And what do you think would happen to them if you hadn’t stood up and fought? If you’d let Adani destroy your kingdom, what would’ve happened not just to these four million, but to the other twenty-five million Santinian citizens?”

Asher puffed on the cigarette. “I know, I get it. It’s just harder to stomach than I thought it was going to be. That list of names keeps growing and I keep thinking of Noah and my father. They were the first ones to be sacrificed and the pain I felt...that pain is now being placed on other families. My father never went to war.”

“Your father never had to,” James said. “Adani started this war, and now you need to finish it. More people will die, Asher, but that does not mean their blood is on your hands.”

“Whose hands is it on, then?” Asher asked, that biting tone returning to his voice. “The soldiers—from every kingdom—are just following orders. Orders from people like me. How is their blood not on my hands?”

James didn’t react, but continued calmly. “Look at someone like Reed. That guy has almost died three times since he’s been in Santina, and the longer he stays in the field—which he chooses to do—the higher the chance of that happening again becomes. If he is hurt or killed, do you think I should blame myself?” James asked. “Sure, it’s easier said than done not to, but my men have died on jobs before, and if I allowed myself to take all the blame, I would’ve thrown it all in and shut down the business long ago.”

“That’s different,” Asher said, shaking his head.

James turned to him and Asher met his gaze. “Is it?” he asked. “I am his leader, and I send him on these missions. Your soldiers, like Reed, made the choice to put their lives at risk to protect Santina. They are well aware of the possible consequences of that decision and it is their decision. You didn’t force them to sign up for the military, Asher. They signed up because they wanted to fight for their country. So instead of focusing on their deaths, honor them for their contribution. Find a way to honor your fallen. It will serve their families and loved ones, and it might help you process their deaths.” He paused, seeming to choose his next words carefully. “The list is going to be thousands long before this is finished, and you’ll need to find a way to cope.”

Asher took the last drag of his cigarette and felt calmer. He went to butt it out under his shoe, but stopped himself. “My future mother-in-law might kill me,” he said, the idea almost comical. Here he was fearing Khalil, but Emma Bennett might finish him off before Khalil had a chance.

James grinned. “I won’t tell if you don’t,” he said, dropping his cigarette and twisting his foot on the butt until it was extinguished. He picked it up again. “It’s like it never happened.”

Asher did the same, passing the extinguished cigarette butt to James when he held out his palm.

“I have an apology to make,” Asher said with a sigh.

“Abi left a few minutes ago. I gave her approval to be escorted to visit Theodora,” James said.

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