Page 91 of Destined Lovers

He can’t even hold my hand?What have I done?

We walk in silence up the steps in the back. I open the door and sweep my arm around.

“This is it. This is where I live.”

He mumbles something under his breath and walks over to the lounge. He sits, crosses his arms so his muscles bulge, and spreads his large legs out to get comfortable. It’s a sitting position of complete dominance if there ever were a thing.

I feel sick to my stomach with how he looks at me. Like hates me, there is no love in his eyes right now.

“Please don’t hate me,” I whisper, and a single tear drops down my face, and I wipe it quickly so he doesn’t see. Be strong.

Declan takes a big deep breath and exhales loudly, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips, then drags his hands down his face on a sigh.

“I don’t hate you, Nora. I don’t like you very much either right now.” He mutters.

I can handle that, as long as he doesn’t hate me. Hate is too strong to take back. I can work with anything else.

“Do you want something to drink?” I ask.

“No.” We lock eyes, and his chest constricts as he takes deep breaths. He’s trying to hold back his emotions and if I know Declan like I know I do—this is killing him.

“I know you don’t want me close, but if you want me to explain, I’ll… I’ll need you,” I whisper and look up through my hooded eyes.

I reach up to my mam’s necklace for comfort. Declan eyes my movement and must realize how serious this is, so he takes my other hand in his.

His features haven’t softened, but a handhold is baby steps, and I’ll take anything I can get right now. I squeeze it in a silent thank you, then lean back against the couch cushions, wishing they would just swallow me alive.

I close my eyes. “Where do I start?”

“Nora?” Declan whispers, “Why are you crying?”

“Huh?” I reach up and wipe my eyes, and the tears start to come faster. “I hadn’t even realized I started. I’m sorry, this is going to be really hard.” I choke out a strangled cry.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry. I repeat over and over in my head. Repeating it doesn’t help. The tears still come, and I haven’t even said one word to him.

Will he forgive me? Will he understand why I did it? Will he still want to be with me for the rest of our lives and have a million kids? What will happen after I tell him?

Oh god… I start to hyperventilate. I can’t catch my breath. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Because I’m seriously panicking now.

“Jesus, Nora. What’s going on?” He lets go of my hand and places his large ones on my cheeks, totally engulfing me, and it’s oddly comforting.

“Shh… Breathe, babe. Breathe” He leans over and kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment, then pulls back and starts to breathe with me. “Breath,” he whispers again.

“I-I need you,” I whisper. His dark brown eyes stare straight into mine, and then there it is, the emotion he’s been hiding. There’smy Declan.

He hesitates for a split second but finally relents, leaning back and opening his arms wide for me. I quickly crawl into his lap, not wasting a second away from him, then turn to straddle him. I place my arms tight around his neck and immediately bury my head in his neck to breathe in my calm.

His arms hold me tight against his muscular chest, rubbing small circles of comfort along my back. Then one hand creeps up, palming the back of my neck, while his thumb slowly rubs over my pulse to calm me, a move I’ve missed very much. I realize in this moment that him holding me is my lifeline, allowing me to take the first full breath I have in a year, since I left him.

I take a deep breath, knowing I need to start talking soon before he pulls away, and the only way I’m doing this is if I’m in his arms.

“Can you hear me like this?” I ask, muffled into his neck.

“Aye,” he whispers.

I take a deep breath, “Before my parents died, my da was assigned a case ruling over Conor Byrne, the head of the Irish mob. He was in New York, trying to do some drug smuggling business with the head of the Italian mob. Little did he know it was a setup. After that, I don’t know many details except that Conor was caught and arrested. For not only drugs trafficking but also murder.”

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