Page 105 of Allure

Maybe because my father tried to tell me that it was my fault that he wanted me, that I was so beautiful, too beautiful, that my future husband would be happy that I had practice, that I knew how to pleasure a man already. He had been sick and twisted.

My mom. Now that her eyes have been opened to the abuse I suffered, will she finally put two and two together and realize I had been the one to kill my father, her husband? Would she confront me about it? Understand? Convince herself that I had been too young to have done it? She had, after all, convinced herself for years and years that her husband, the abuser, was the one to believe over her abused daughter.

"You… Do you believe me? About all of it?" The words are hardly a whisper.

“Why wouldn’t I? Hell, Brooke, no wonder you don’t date guys, don’t let anyone come close. You have scars, and I wish I could help heal them. Wounds I can help with but scars? I’ll do whatever you need me to do, but you have to tell me what you need, and to do that, you have to keep letting me in. I’ve come to know you, and at times it seems like that’s despite yourself, but you don’t like to be vulnerable, and that’s what you need to try to treat those scars.”

“My own mom… It took her until just now, through the help of a therapist, for her to realize she had been blind to the truth. She just asked me earlier to forgive her.”

"I don't know your father, and I'm so glad for that because if I knew… if I suspected… I would've gone after him myself," Declan says grimly, and I believe him. "Yes, I believe you. My dad does a lot of work trying to help talk to women who have been the victims of abuse. You have to be careful with talking to them because so many have battered women syndrome and will say one thing and then completely change their story. I'm not allowed in the room, but I watch from the outside, and those women, they all have a haunted look in their eyes when they talk about their abuse. I hate… You had that look, and I wish I could take that away from you. I wish I could change your past, but I can't. All I can do is be here for you right now in whatever way you need me. Even as only a friend. Even if…" He blows out a breath. "Even if you just want me to be a friends-with-benefits type thing."

That haunted look he’s talking about… I’ve seen it before in the mirror when memories assault me. My mind sometimes still sees the bruises my father gave me, and there are times when my arm still aches from where it had been broken. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

Hell, Ashley had that look to some extent when we talked with her earlier.

She’s free now, though. All of the women are free.

I’m free.

Not just from the mugger.

Someone else knows about what happened to me. Once my mom failed to believe me, I vowed to never tell anyone else, to never let anyone else close enough that I felt the need to tell them.

I never thought I would be worthy of love.

I’m not saying Declan and I are there yet, but if I can do what he says, if I can be vulnerable enough, we will certainly head in that direction.

Does that still scare me?

Honestly? Yes, but it doesn’t terrify me, so that’s progress.

“Where do you want me to drive you?” Declan asks gently. “Or we can just stay here as long as you want. I don’t mind holding you.”

“Let’s go to your place,” I murmur, staring up into his handsome eyes.

He guides me over to his car, opens the door for me, waits for me to buckle, and then shuts the door. The entire time he drives, he has a hand on my knee. It’s nothing sexual. It’s just a reminder that I’m not alone.

When he parks, he rushes out, and I let him open my door and take his offered hand to step out. He wraps an arm around my waist and takes me up to his room.

His roommate isn’t there, and after he shuts the door behind us, he turns back to me. “We can talk, watch a movie… You can sleep in my bed if you want, and I’ll sleep on the floor. My roommate is hardly ever around. He has a girlfriend, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“You said you can maybe help to take that memory away,” I murmur. “Please…”

Wordlessly, he sweeps me into his arms, and he takes me over to his bed. He reverently removes my clothes one at a time, his hands so very gentle wherever he touches me.

And he doesn’t take off his clothes. All he’s concerned about is me and my pleasure, worshipping my body, coaxing pleasure out of every part of me. His tongue, his lips, his fingers…

He kisses me everywhere, from my head to my toes and up again, eating me out, licking up my juices. His sounds are that of appreciation, and there’s no one else in the room with us, no ghost.

There’s been a ghost of my father at times with some of the other guys I’ve been with, especially the guys I knew even then were a mistake.

But not with Declan. Not once. It’s only just been him and me.

He’s not like the others.

He’s made mistakes, but he’s apologized for them.

He knows my darkest secret, the one I vowed to tell no one, and he’s provided me with comfort over it, giving me solace when I might not deserve it.

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