Page 58 of Allure

All because of me and my wearing him out.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t take a measure of satisfaction in that.

* * *

Back on campus, I return to my dorm and email the professors whose classes I missed to explain that I woke this morning feeling a bit under the weather. Not the truth but not entirely a lie either. I ask them to forgive me and to tell me what they covered, if they would be so kind, and I would be sure to ask a classmate for notes.

That done, I desperately try to think of something to do. Homework? Don’t feel up to it. My concentration is shot, and the thought of watching karate videos when I don’t know which ones will help and which ones will harm makes me want to do anything but that. Plus, karate makes me think of Declan, so that’s a no go for now.

Drawing? The last time I doodled, I drew his eyes, but I could try to draw a swan or a horse for old time’s sake.

I just grab a sheet of paper when the door opens. Dawn spies me, and a huge grin crosses her face.

“Hey, roomie. How did ya sleep last night?” she asks, still grinning broadly.

I blink a few times. “Pretty well, all things considering.”

“Oh, yeah? Mind telling me whose bed you slept in? Because it wasn’t yours, hmm? Or was it?” Suddenly, she seems unsure. “I was beat, so I went to bed early, but I didn’t hear the door open, but I could’ve slept through it. Oh, my God, I never meant to imply that you—”

I hold up a hand. “Dawn, it’s fine.”

“But what was I thinking? Assuming you were with a guy? You could’ve been mugged again, only this time, he could’ve shot you.” Horror dawns in her large dark brown eyes, and her hands fly to her mouth.

“Dawn,” I say gently, “I wasn’t attacked. Not unless you consider grappling a willing opponent attacking… and moving that grappling to a nearby bed…”

“So you and a karate guy? Wait, not Declan! You and Declan! Oh, my God! He’s hot, but I thought you said he’s an ass!”

“He can be an ass, but he wasn’t last night, and I… needed release, and he was there, and he was willing, and I was willing, and it was just a one-time thing.”

“Um, sure,” she says gently. “Brooke, can you do me a favor?”

“Depends.” I grin at her, but she’s deadly serious.

“Don’t lie to yourself, okay? If Declan’s an ass, he’s an ass, and I don’t give a shit how good the sex was. Don’t just sleep with him because it feels good, okay?”

A part of me wants to rebel against her and insist I know what I’m doing, but she’s coming at me from an angle of friendship and concern, and honestly, her concern isn’t misguided at all.

“I don’t wear my heart in my vagina,” I assure her. “I’m not confused. One-time thing, I swear.”

“Does he know that?” she asks.

I shrug. “He asked me to come back to bed this morning.”

"So maybe he does realize, and that's why he didn't want you to go because he knows that means it's over… or he didn't want you to go… ever."

I burst out laughing. “I’m sure that when I see him next with his buddies, he’ll be back to bullying me, and that’s all I need to end it, okay?”

“And if he doesn’t bully you? You said he’s stopped some before because of concentrating on his schoolwork. What if he doesn’t bully you for a week? A month? And then starts up again?”

“Dawn, we’re friends, right?”

She nods. “Of course!”

"I make friends easily enough, but I don't always let even friends in real close." I tap a fist to my chest. "I don't let guys get too close because I have a history of making terrible choices with them. Trust me. Dating Declan… sleeping with him again… neither is going to happen. You don't have to worry. I know myself well enough to recognize that I'm flawed in this area, and I won't make the same mistake twice, not with Declan, okay?"

Dawn eyes me for a long moment and smiles. “Okay.”

“Now, can you bring your chair over and model for me?” I ask.

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