Page 57 of Allure

Once inside, I immediately head over to the free weights. The equipment that helps with chest presses, the abs machines, and the leg presses all kind of freak me out yet. I hope I don't freak anyone out when I watch them use the equipment. I'm not checking them out, just trying to see how to use the machine for when I work up the nerve to use them.

Right now, it's almost as if the feel of Declan's skin has become soldered to my palm, so I guess that means I'll be trying out some dumbbell curls.

Hmm, what weights to try? The fives look so small, but I think tens would wear my arms out way too fast. Still, fives seem wimpy. Tens it is. Heavier weight, fewer reps. Go slow.

With a sigh, I pick up the tens. The bar in the middle is a bit rough, and not for the first time, I wonder if I should buy weight-lifting gloves. I’ve seen a few others wear them. I’m already starting to develop calluses from the weights, and I haven’t even been lifting weights all that regularly yet.

Up, down, up, down. My arms are burning already, but I don’t think I should be this sore already. Probably from last night. Not just the workout with Declan. Karate class had been killer.

I’m in the zone now. Up, down. Swinging the weights. Getting lost in the moment.

Someone coughs.

I ignore them and keep going, not wanting to lose focus.

The guy coughs again. It’s clearly a fake cough meant to draw someone’s attention.

Another cough.

Is he trying to get my attention?

I look over to see a burly guy staring me down.

“Your form is wrong,” he says.

“Oh, okay…”

And that’s it. He doesn’t tell me how to fix it, just leaves, walking over to a machine, loading up the weights, and doing reps.

Ugh, what an ass. I have no issues at all being told that my form is off, but how does that help me when I don't know enough about lifting weights to change what's wrong without being told specifically what's wrong?

Maybe if I turn to the side… I watch myself in the mirror and try to bring up the weights and bring them back down again. I go slowly at first, which makes my muscles work harder, and it hurts so much that I have no choice but to go down to the five-pound weights instead.

As much as I hate to admit it, doing that does help me with my progress, I think, but as I get tired, I realize I’m back to swinging. Is that the issue? Swinging makes it easier, which has got to be wrong, right? I would think so. Momentum. Yes. Swinging must be improper because gravity isn’t fighting you. You’re trying to bypass it or something like that. You aren’t fighting gravity enough.

So I go slow and force myself not to swing, and it's embarrassing how few reps I get in. I've been using tens and fifteens for squats and lunges, but I have to stick to tens and then go down to fives for those just because my arms are so dead already.

In the end, I leave frustrated. I want to get stronger, not run on a treadmill or ride a stationary bike. I don’t want to feel weak in any aspect of my life, not with school, not as I go around the town, and not with my love life either.

Not that I have a love life. Last night hadn't been love. Lust only.

Not that there’s anything wrong with lust or a romp, a one-night stand. They’re kind of my MO, considering I tend to go for guys who aren’t right for me, guys who can’t be in a relationship with me.

But while I think Declan isn’t a long-term solution, he’s actually fairly different from my usual choice in guys. He actually is available.

Maybe that’s why I’m so scared of him.

Because I am. Not that he’ll hurt me.

Well, maybe a little. He could rip out my heart and stomp on it just to get his buddies to have a laugh at my expense.

But last night, there had only been the two of us. No one else around.

I guess when I see him next around his friends, that will be telling.

I’m not sure I’m ready for that. It’s just as well I didn’t make it to my classes.

He didn’t either, though.

---