Page 42 of Bewitch

“What?” I fully expect him to have set me up for some kind of snide remark, but I’m not prepared to get up or stretch, and if he’s willing to talk to me, whatever. I’ll listen and try to let the shit go in one ear and out the other.

“You can’t just exercise your body,” he says, squatting beside me. “You have to exercise your mind. Retrain it to think that anything is possible.”

“Oh, sure. Anything is possible. I just don’t know if I can do it.”

“See? That right there is bullshit. Keep on making excuses, and you’ll be on the road to nowhere.”

I flare my nostrils. “It’s so easy for you to say. You’re…” I vaguely wave my hand to gesture to all of him.

“Do you think I just woke up one day looking like this? No. It took effort and hard work.”

“Yeah, but guys can eat a shit ton of calories when they’re pumping iron. Girls, especially short ones, can’t eat much at all.”

“Bullshit. Even short girls can eat a lot of calories the more muscles they have to feed.”

“But I’m still making so little headway.”

“Are you?”

“Today proves—”

“Today showed that you are getting stronger. Do you have fat on top of your muscles? Yes, but most people do. It’s only those who are cutting that can have their muscles popping and visible.”

“Cutting,” I repeat. “You didn’t talk to me about that.”

“No. You aren’t ready for that, especially if you’re concerning about bingeing. You need to eat as much as you can and still lose weight. That’s much more obtainable.”

“I… I don’t know how I’m doing on that front,” I mumble. “Scales and I are in a hate/hate relationship.”

He snorts. “How are you measuring any progress then? You can’t out-exercise a bad diet.”

I sit up and stare straight ahead instead of looking over at him. “How my clothes fit,” I murmur.

“Non-scale stuff.”

I side-eye him, glowering. “Non-scale victories,” I hiss, stressing the last word.

“If you want victories, keep showing up and don’t binge.”

“I’ve been showing up. The bingeing… It’s a lot less than it had been,” I admit.

“Less is good, I guess, but make it not at all. Then you’ll get somewhere.”

“I’m trying—”

“Trying is the words posers use.”

“Yes, of course. I’m such a poser.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not doing this to impress anyone. I’m doing this for me.”

“Then why sabotage your efforts?”

“Maybe because certain food tastes so damn good? And if I eat bland, boring food, I don’t want to eat and then will want something else—”

“Who said anything about bland or boring food? Chicken and rice doesn’t have to be bland. Neither does salmon. If you want another fish, fine. Just be mindful of how you’re cooking it and watch mercury levels.”

“Aw, is that your way of saying you’re worried about my heart?”

He straightens. “Your heart isn’t my concern.”

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