Page 109 of Bewitch

I’m worse. So much worse.

CHAPTER32

Ican’t handle this. It’s too much. The thought of never talking to Lucas again, never seeing him… No. That can’t be the end to us.

Maybe he’s a witch. Wizard. Something along those lines. He really has bewitched me to the point that I find myself turning right when I should turn left. Not too much later, I arrive at his place.

My mouth is dry, my palms sweaty and gross. I rub them on my arms before I knock on the door.

Maybe he isn’t home. I didn’t check to see if I could find his car in the lot.

Should he have opened the door already? I’m about to knock again when the door opens, and Lucas stands before me.

I forgot just how blue his eyes are, and his blond hair is slicked back.

“You,” he says.

“Me. I… I would lie… Can we talk?”

“I’m not sure I have much to say to you.”

“I have some things to say to you. Would you be willing to listen?”

He doesn’t answer, but he does open the door wider.

I enter, and he closes the door behind me. I wince as he made sure to not touch me when he did so.

“Lucas, I… You look good.”

He snorts. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“I missed you.”

“Don’t want to hear that either,” he says, his eyes flashing.

“Look, I know what I did was horrible, but can you at least—”

“I don’t have to do anything for you,” he spits out.

I tilt my head to the side. He’s so furious with me. These dark feelings he has toward me—anger, frustration, maybe even hatred too—I so badly want to believe that he’s feeling them because I mean something to him. For him to have been hurt means he had to first care for me.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I say. “It’s just… You hurt me first, and I know. I know. It’s wrong to want tit for tat, but I… You can’t go round insulting people who ae overweight, and the way you were from the first, trying to get me to quit, wanting me to walk away and not waste your time… How do you think you made me feel? Like I was a pathetic mess. Like I didn’t belong in the gym. Like I was a waste of space and like you didn’t want to be seen in public with me.”

He says nothing.

“You people who have never struggled with your weight every in your life… You have no idea what it’s like to be judged, to be hated and feared just from a single look. I swear there are people out there who honestly believe that being fat is contagious. As if being fat is the worst thing a person can be.”

“No, but maybe being butter is.”

My nostrils flare. “He says bitterly,” I shoot back at him.

His nostrils flare. “You really don’t… I can’t believe you.”

“I know. I should’ve just talked to you instead of… But I came up with this master plan, and I didn’t back away from it. I lost some weight, and my body is changing, and now… It’s weird. Guys are looking at me and asking me out, and I don’t want them. I don’ trust any of them. They didn’t know who I was, the extra weight I carried… and it wasn’t just the fat cells either, but the shame. That’s the worst part about being heavy, maybe. The shame that’s associated with it. No one wants to be fat. It’s not something that anyone wants to be, and to be ft means you’re almost less of a person, ironically enough, even though there’s more of you.”

“I haven’t called you Fattie in forever.”

“You never should’ve called me that at all. Does Gary know that you call clients that?”

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