Page 99 of Let Me Be the One

I’ve never heard my father swear before. Ever.

“You write romance novels?” Elkie asks, sounding delighted.

“She loves the things,” Dad mutters about Elkie, as if the fact offends him.

“I hear you can make quite a lucrative living from writing erotica.”

Dad’s face turns a dangerous shade of red, and I look at my stepmother and shake my head. “I’m not writing erotica.”

“You must bring a book over to show me next time,” Elkie says. “I’d like to read it.”

I smile, grateful for her words, even if she never intends to touch it. It’s a show of support, one I appreciate immensely. “Thank you, I will.”

“Are you... managing? Financially?” Dad asks.

“Things are tight, but it will improve some when my next book comes out. Hopefully.”

Talking about money reminds me I still owe Ben for the alarm system. He said there was no rush to pay him back, but that was before last night. I have no idea if that offer to take my time still stands, and I don’t feel comfortable not paying him back when he’s about to be earning ten grand less a year at his new job.

A fresh wave of grief washes over me at the thought I’m not going to hear the details of his time with Glen, or know how his new job is going.

I finish my cup of tea, with a side of stilted conversation with my father and stepmother, and then stand up.

“Call Tara,” I say to my father, after thanking Elkie for the tea. “Apologise and make amends. Don’t let this go on for too long.”

As I walk out to my car, I’m aware of two things. One, I feel lighter after telling my father something I’ve hidden from him all this time. And two, the desire to call Ben, to see him, is stronger than my desire for my next breath. The gaping hole in my life isn’t one I’ll ever be able to fill. Ben was a part of my life in a way Lucas never was. Even though I’m still so angry at Ben over everything that happened last night, he’s still the person I want to talk to most right now—to share my news with. Because for the past five months, he’s the person who has supported me, encouraged me, talked me down, pointed out when I’m wrong and when I’m right. He’s helped me cut through the bullshit everyone feeds me, including myself.

And now...? I’m going to miss him so, so much.

I tell myself it’s because I owe him money that I need to message him before I’ve even left my parents’ driveway. I fish my phone out of my bag and spend more than five minutes composing a text message that sounds as casual as possible, considering I admitted yesterday that I was falling for him.

Hey. I still owe you for the alarm system. Send me your bank details and I’ll transfer you the money as soon as I have it.

I put the phone back in my bag and then start the car. Before I’ve reversed out, I hear a message come in.

My adrenaline is pumping and my heart jumps into my throat as I reach for my phone and open the message.

There’s no rush on the money, take your time.

Frowning, I reply: Thanks, but I want to pay you as soon as possible. Please can I have your bank details?

I drive home without any reply from him. And when I get home, and hours pass without any message or call from him, I tell myself he’s just busy.

The thought of what or who he might be busy with is just as devastating as the thought that we’re over.

***

Days later, Ben stillhasn’t returned my text and I’m starting to worry that something’s wrong. It’s just concern for his wellbeing that has me driving to his unit one night after work. My going there has absolutely nothing to do with the fact I desperately miss him and want to see him.

All the lights in his unit are off when I get there. I’m equal parts disappointed and worried as I knock on the door and no one answers.

After standing on his doorstep for close to five minutes, I walk back to my car, taking out my phone and dialling Cass’s number.

“Hey, hon, what’s up?”

“Hey, does Duncan know how Ben is at all?”

“They haven’t spoken since my party.”

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