Page 26 of Let Me Be the One

“Maybe. Eagle Security, the company I work for now, have just secured a new contract and I want in on that, but I don’t think I have a hope in hell of getting Randall to consider me.”

“I think you should ask anyway. It sounds like you have nothing left to lose. If they say no, you should just apply somewhere else. Get out of there. Even if you have to start at the bottom, you’ll work your way up like you did last time. At least you know you’re going upwards.”

“I know, but I feel like I’ve already done that—worked my way up. I know every protocol. I was trained by the best. I don’t want to start at the bottom again.”

“If you know so much, have you thought about going into business with someone, or being your own boss?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

It’s a good question, especially since I would probably enjoy working for myself and being my own boss. There is just one major problem with the idea. “I never finished school. I have no idea if I’d be any good at running my own business.”

She props her chin on her hand and studies me. “I think you would be. There are all kinds of business courses available. You could even finish school if you wanted to.”

“I hated school.”

She smiles at that. “I can just imagine you disrupting the class and getting under the teacher’s skin, and then smoking a cigarette on the oval at lunch time, being the typical bad boy.”

I chuckle. She’s right, to an extent. I did disrupt class, but only because I had no interest in learning. I was pissed off at the world. Or, more accurately, pissed off at my father. And the things the teachers were trying to teach me meant nothing at the time. The idea of studying to start my own business, however... that might hold my attention.

“What about you?” I ask. “You’re writing and working at Dixon’s. Have you got anything else planned for the future?”

“No. All I’ve ever wanted to do is write. Now it seems like I should have taken the managerial role at Dixon’s when they offered it a few years back. It would have been full time and I would have been making more money.”

“What about your BA?”

“It’s a Bachelor of Arts, which gets me nowhere, as Dad says.”

“I’m telling you, Lainey, you need to get over that shit. Be who you are. Own who you are and stop worrying about what he thinks. He doesn’t matter if he can’t see how awesome you are.”

“It isn’t a switch I can just turn off, Ben. I know it would be easier if I didn’t care what he thinks, but the need to please him is so ingrained in me that it’s going to take a while to get past it.”

“Did you talk to him about you and Lucas being done?”

She grimaces. “That went about as well as I expected it to. He was upset I hadn’t told him, and ‘disappointed’ I couldn’t make it work with Lucas.”

“He actually used those words?”

“Yes. I’m a failure at everything in his mind.”

“You’re the farthest thing from a failure I’ve ever seen, Lainey.”

“I couldn’t even bring myself to tell him I quit the magazine. He would assume my only form of employment is Dixon’s, and that would make him disown me.”

“It would be his loss, not yours.”

“Sure. Daughter of a doctor, and I’m working in a supermarket. His loss, definitely.”

“The only thing that should matter to him is that you’re happy.”

“If I told him I was happy... well...” She stops pushing food around her plate and looks at me. “I’m not sure I’d be telling him the truth. I mean, I’m not unhappy, per se, but life is hardly a dream come true.”

“Whose is? We only have one life. You have to live it the way you want to, not the way anyone else wants you to. That’s the best you can do.”

She smiles and puts her fork down. “You’re right, of course.”

I hate seeing her so torn up and hurt because her dad doesn’t recognise what a great person she is. I wish I knew what to say to make her feel better.

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