Page 70 of Let Me Be the One

Lainey

When I open my eyesfirst thing Monday morning, I see Ben getting dressed in his work uniform.

“Hey,” he says when he notices I’m awake.

He walks over to rest a knee on the bed before leaning forward and kissing me awake.

The feel of his lips pressed against mine heats my blood and makes my heart pump harder. I reach out and grab a handful of his shirt, holding him there, unable to get enough of him. The slide of his tongue in my mouth has my legs parting as the steady thrum of desire takes up residence in my belly. I try to pull him down on me so I can feel his weight on top of me, but he resists.

Maybe I felt this all-consuming need to be with Lucas when we were together, but if I did, I don’t remember it. It’s as though every part of me is crying out for the connection I feel when Ben and I are together.

It scares me.

Nope, that’s an understatement. It terrifies me how much I want him, and how much his friendship means to me. How much he means to me. One night was a mistake. Two nights were catastrophic for my emotions, but I have no words for last night—our third night together. The whole time I was with him, my stomach didn’t stop doing backflips. Everything with Ben is so different, and so much better than it’s been with anyone before him. Probably because I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not; he likes me the way I am. I keep getting this glimpse of how it feels to be with someone I don’t have to worry about pleasing all the time. And the emotions and sex that come with the freedom to be myself are mind blowing.

But with those feelings comes an attachment I can’t afford to feel. It’s too easy to wish that what Ben and I are doing is more than friendship. With Ben, everything is so incredibly intense and fulfilling that I could see us having something really, really good together.

If only he wasn’t so against relationships. Or so broken.

Or so in love with Amber...

The thought is like an arrow through my heart, and I try to bring Ben even closer, snaking my free hand through his hair and begging for more.

“Lainey,” Ben admonishes me lightly, in between kisses. “I have to go to work.”

And I have things I need to get up and do at my place. I told Dixon’s I wasn’t coming into work today, and I reported what was missing to the police yesterday, but I still have to place a claim with the insurance company and go shopping for a new laptop. Not to mention my new window is coming this afternoon.

But this is probably the last time I’ll hold him in my arms like this. I might never experience the dizzying heights he takes me to after this morning. I press myself against him and offer him everything I have to give. I’m going down for one final hallelujah. If he’ll let me.

“Damn, woman,” Ben says, giving in and falling on top of me gently, allowing me some of the contact I crave. “You’re going to get me fired.”

His words break through my poor addled brain and make me release him. I’m being selfish and unfair. But he doesn’t get off me. No, his kiss becomes deeper, robbing me of all my thought processes. Sensations overwhelm me and I close my eyes, blocking out everything but the smell of him—shaving cream, soap, and shampoo—and the taste of his toothpaste, and the feel of his hard body between my legs with the covers between us.

“They’re going to fire me, anyway,” Ben mutters, moving so he can pull the covers down, before whipping off his half-buttoned shirt and ridding himself of his pants and underwear.

And then he’s caressing my naked body with his hands. When he slips his hands between my thighs and feels how ready I am, he moans low in his throat and whispers my name. He coaxes me to climax at record speed before ripping into a nearby condom packet, rolling on the contents and positioning himself between my legs.

I can hear nothing but my frantic heartbeat as he pulls my left leg up, wraps it around his hip and joins us. I want to savour this. I need to savour him, but the top of my head and the tips of my toes and everything in between tingles with every move he makes. Even though I want to fight the second orgasm building inside me, putting it off because I want this to last forever, I can’t. Not when Ben feels how close I am and strokes me with his thumb, obliterating the last of my control.

“Yes, Lainey, God, you’re perfect,” he says before his pace becomes that of a man possessed and he follows me over.

Speaking seems next to impossible as Ben collapses on top of me. My arms go around him and I stroke his hair, his back, and his shoulders.

He has to get up. I have to let him go. I promised myself I would yesterday, after he invited me to come home with him.

“Now I really need to get going,” Ben says, sighing with frustration. “But I wish I didn’t have to.”

I give him a tight smile, wondering how I’m supposed to forget everything he’s made me feel these past couple of days and go back to being his friend. “Me, too.”

He drops a kiss on my nose before standing up and proceeding to get dressed again. I watch as he puts on his dark trousers, grey button-up shirt, and black vest.

“Feel free to stay here for as long as you want. Have breakfast. There’s some cereal, and there’s toast if you want it. Just lock up before you leave.”

“Thanks, but I’ll probably head home shortly. My window is coming at one and I want to go shopping for a laptop before then.”

“You have all your work backed up, right? You just need something to work on.”

“Yes. And I need something quickly. I can’t afford not to finish this novel.”

---