Page 35 of Let Me Be the One

How many times have I repeated Ben’s words to myself during the past month? It’s just much easier to remember them when he’s sitting next to me.

“She’s thinking about it,” Cass says to Duncan, looking pleased.

“I don’t think so,” I say. “Not tonight. I mean, he’s probably looking for a one-night stand and... I’m not.”

Cass’s smile slips. “I said go talk to him. You don’t have to go home with him.”

I shake my head. “Maybe another night.”

“Don’t you think this could be the reason why your writing is going so slowly? You could do with letting your hair down and enjoying the opposite sex. Or some earth-shattering sex. Aren’t you missing it?”

Yes, God, yes. Now that I’m finally getting over Lucas, I’m more than aware I’m not getting any. Especially when we come out to a sexually charged place like Barnaby’s and everyone is thinking about getting some. The other day, I even considered buying a vibrator. Knowing there’s no one to help me scratch the itch only makes it worse when the itch comes along. But I’m not discussing any of this with Duncan at the table, listening in.

“Flirting with him isn’t going to help my plot development.”

“I’m telling you, Lainey. You need some inspiration. Go talk to him.”

“I’m not interested.”

“Because of Lucas, still? Really, Lainey—”

“No, not because of Lucas, Cass.”

A few people turn around to look at me and I realise I spoke quite loudly.

“I mean, yes, because of Lucas, but not in the way you think,” I say more quietly. “I’m just done with men who aren’t into me the way I’m into them. I’m not ready to risk getting my heart ripped out all over again yet. Not everyone is as lucky as you are when it comes to love.”

I can’t help it; there’s a touch of bitterness in my voice and I feel terrible for acting every bit the jealous shrew Cass was worried I might turn into when she told me about her and Duncan.

“Lainey.”

Cass’s expression is sympathetic, which only makes me feel worse about being such a godawful friend.

“What’s the sad face for?”

I’m shocked to see Ben standing at my side when I turn my head, and even more surprised when he ushers me over so he can sit down in the limited space next to me.

Understanding that he isn’t big on physical affection, I’ve been careful not to crowd him or get too close to him, and he’s usually pretty firm about the boundaries of his space, but he’s sitting really close to me tonight. Close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. An electrical charge zings back and forth between us, causing the hair on the arm I have closest to him to stand up. And when his knee knocks mine gently, purposefully, as if to say, ‘hey, I’m here for you’, heat zaps along my thigh.

My brain and body are clearly more sex starved than I thought if I’m responding to Ben this way.

“Well?”

At first I think he’s talking to me, but he’s looking at Cass. Thank goodness. I’m not sure I can formulate any kind of answer to his question with the way my body is buzzing.

“Cass suggested Lainey go talk to some guy,” Duncan answers, shifting in his seat while looking between Cass and I. “Lainey doesn’t want to.”

“Lainey wants to leave. I, on the other hand, want her to stay and have a good night instead of going home to watch a movie, all alone.” Cass lays her arm on the table in my direction, palm up, reaching out to me. “Please don’t go yet.”

Ben turns to me. “You don’t want to stay and have another drink?”

I wonder what I missed over at the bar and why he’s here with me, because he definitely didn’t look like he’d struck out last time I checked. Which means he’s probably desperate to get back to his blonde.

“I should go home and work on my manuscript.”

“You said it’s not going as well as you’d like,” Cass reminds me. “Give it a break and maybe it’ll actually start to flow when you go back to it.”

Ben nudges my knee with his, sending yet another zing of energy along my thigh. “The book’s not going well?”

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