Page 81 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“Hi,” I say to the cashier as I hand over each item one by one.

“Good afternoon, sir,” she greets back with a friendly smile. She scans and bags my stuff, then looks at me. “Anything else?”

“Well, I’d ask you to scan this,” I reply, nodding my head toward Bella. “But she’s priceless.”

I pull my lips in to stop a smile when Bella’s head snaps back to look at me. She’s stunned at first, her expression fluctuating between cringing and smirking until she eventually settles on rolling her eyes.

“Geez, De Lorenzo, save some of that cheese for a large pizza.”

Laughter bursts out of me because I was waiting for that, and the cashier doesn’t hold back either. I lean over to kiss her cheek. “I hate to tell you this...but you’re blushing.”

She doesn’t respond to that, and I didn’t expect her to. I pay, and as soon as I push the cart outside, she stands up and I lift her out, setting her on the ground in front of me.

“Okay, so what did you steal?” I ask.

She half turns to show me the back of her head. “I stole this scrunchie. What about you?”

“I stole a chocolate.”

She raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Let me see. You were supposed to walk out without hiding it and I can’t see it.”

I open my hand and give her the wrapper. “It was in my hand the whole time.”

“That’s the wrapper. Where’s the chocolate?”

“I ate it.”

“You ate it?”

“Now I know how Mark Wahlberg felt inItalian Jobwhen they stole that safe while Edward Norton was watching them.”

“It’s not the same thing, but good on you for trying.”

“I feel like a hardened criminal.”

She suppresses a giggle. “So hard.”

“Here, take a picture.” I hand her my phone, then shift and do a gangsta lean while flipping a peace sign as she snaps a few pics. “Holy crap! I think my biceps are getting bigger. Check it.” I flex one for her. “I’m about to rip right through the sleeves of this T-shirt.”

I can tell she wants to hit me with a witty comeback, but she’s laughing so hard she can’t get any words out.

“You know who’s a badass?” I use both thumbs to point to myself. “This guy right here.”

“See? You are tough. And you thought I needed a cross-fit douche named Brandon.”

I grab the waistband of her jeans and pull her toward me. I slip my arms around her before sliding my hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “Brandon’s not getting you.No one’sgetting you. You’re mine.”

She smiles. “Is that your way of renewing this contract for another week?”

“Yes, Queen. I want another week.” All this talk about the contract reminds me that I should be getting her naked, not loitering outside a grocery store. “Let’s go.”

We take about three steps before her hand slams onto my chest to stop me. “It’s a downhill.” She looks at me with bright amber eyes filled with excitement. “Let’s ride the cart to the car.”

“Yes!” I don’t hesitate for a second. “Hop on.”

She steps on the front caster then leans forward to grip onto either side.

“Okay, ready?”

---