Page 72 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

He shows me how to balance one on my finger and only move the other one. It takes a few minutes, but I eventually get the hang of it. Getting through dinner takes a while because we don’t stop talking and both of us end up prioritizing the conversation over the food.

He’s so much fun to talk to, just witty and weird, but he has a very mature view of life. At times, it feels like I’m talking to someone much older than me, even though we’re only a few months apart in age. In many ways, he’s the opposite of me. He’s responsible and level-headed, and I like that about him because it makes me feel grounded.

It takes us longer to get through our chocolate cake dessert because we end up arguing over Schrodinger’s cat. It’s a silly argument because he goes all deep and philosophical about the cat being dead and alive at the same time and I just want to know why the cat was in the box in the first place. Who would do such a thing? Once again, it highlights the differences in our personalities.

“So?” he begins, tossing our empty takeout containers back in the bags they came in. “What do you think? How was your first taste of Chinese food?”

“Meh.” I shrug. “It’s a bit bland.”

“Bland? That was delicious.”

“It could use a bit of spice, is all. A tiny bit of chili. I loved that battered chicken, though. That was amazing.”

This opens a discussion about food, and I find out that he’s quite a good cook, which leads to him promising that he’ll cook dinner for me one day. That sounds like another date, and that topic leads to a very important question.

I use a disposable refresher towel to wipe my hands, then toss it into the empty takeout box. Rolling up his hoodie, I use it as a pillow as I lie down to look up at the sky. The concrete is cold against my skin, and I shift to dislodge a small stone from my shoulder. “So, what’s this compromise you were talking about, De Lorenzo?”

“Hmm...” He does the same, lying down beside me with his head next to mine. “Well, I’ve been thinking long and hard about this, and I find myself in this very weird predicament. Now, don’t get mad. I’m going to be truthful with you.” He waits to see if my expression remains neutral before he continues. “So, the thing is, I don’t want just a fling, but I also don’t want a relationship. I have many reasons for not wanting to get involved with you. Your level of crazy. Your drinking habit. But mainly...it’s because it’d be stupid to not heed the warnings?”

“Are you serious?” I snap, glancing sideways to look at him. “Is this about the Queen of Spades thing again? Because it’s all bullshit. That fortune-teller was probably a fraud.”

He rolls his head to the left to look at me. “She wasn’t. I was really worried that I wouldn’t grow facial hair, and she told me it would come the next year.”

“You were fourteen! That was a pretty safe bet.”

“She also predicted that my sister would get a cell phone and a jewelry-making kit for her birthday and guess what she got? I don’t need more proof than that. Bottom line is, I absolutely cannot fall in love with you.”

I throw my hands up. “Then don’t.”

“Trust me, I won’t. I’m saving myself for Anna Kendrick, anyway.” Again, I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. “Also, you have too many daddy issues to ever truly fall in love with me, either.”

“Cold.”

“Truth. You and I are not compatible to be in a relationship because we’re both too guarded. We’ll be trying so hard to not get hurt that we’ll end up hurting each other. And I don’t want that because...I can’t lose you. So, nothing serious. We’ll just keep it light and casual. That way we can always come back to this...afterward.”

He’s going about it in an odd, light-hearted way, but I can’t deny the truth he speaks. “Okay, so what’s the compromise?”

“As I said, I don’t want a fling because that leaves you open to be with other guys, and I’ve learned the hard way that nothing makes me fly off the rails faster than seeing you with another guy.” He sneakily slides his hand over mine and interlinks our fingers. “So, I propose an unwritten renewable contract and the terms of engagement are as follows. One. If we hook up, you’re mine for that whole week, and I mean exclusivelymine. That means no dates, no touching, no flirty texts.Nothing. You’re mine. Two. The contract is renewable every Monday and is automatically renewed for another week if we...get physical. Three. Should either of us choose not to renew it, a cool-off period of one week needs to pass before hooking up with another person.”

My eyebrows pinch together as I try to understand these terms. “So, basically if we don’t touch each other for a week, the contract lapses, and I’m free to do whatever I want?”

His jaw tightens. “Uh...you know what? Let’s make the cool-off period two weeks. Just to give me some time to brace myself.”

“Okay.” I try to hold back a smile because I kinda like that he’s...jealous.

“Four. No alcohol. I’m not saying you can’t drink. It’s your life. You do what you want to do, but I will not touch you if you’ve had any alcohol.”

“Not even a sip?”

“Not even a sip.” His eyebrows lift expectantly. “Any rules from your side?”

I take a minute to think about it. It’s a little distracting because our noses are almost touching, and other thoughts are dominating my mind right now. “For as long as this continues, I want at least one hug every day...well, at least on the days we see each other.”

The cutest smile spreads across his face. “Yasss, Queen! Come here. Come get one right now.” He tugs my arm until I roll onto my side, then he slides his arm underneath my head. Grasping my thigh, he pulls it over his leg. His strong arms tighten around me, clasping me protectively to his chest, and I let out a deep sigh as I inhale his woody cologne. His finger slides under my chin to tilt my head up. “Anything else?”

“And then obviously the last rule is...no falling in love?”

He nods, his fingers lightly caressing my shoulder, then down my arm. “Of course. How could I forget that one? It’s the most important rule, and I want you to know thatnotbreaking that rule is gonna be a lot harder for me than for you because...I like you so much already.”

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